


Storybrooke Group Chat

by charlottedrake



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Crack Fic, F/F, Kinda, Other minor characters - Freeform, Swan Queen - Freeform, emma is divorced, swan queen endgame tho, takes place a little after season 6, text fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2019-07-07 05:48:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 45,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15902127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlottedrake/pseuds/charlottedrake
Summary: In which Snow White creates a family group chat and things just spiral from there





	1. Family Group Chat

**_snow:_** _has_ _created_ _the_ _group_ _chat_ ** _family <3_**

 

**_snow:_ ** _ has added  _ **_emmaswan_ ** _ ,  _ **_reginamills_ ** _ , and 2 others to  _ **_family <3_ **

 

**snow:** hi everyone!!!!!!

 

**reginamills:** oh  _ no _

 

**emmaswan:** umm…

 

**davidcharming:** ???

 

**emmaswan:** hey mom….

 

**snow:** yes honey ?

 

**emmaswan:** what is….  _ This? _

 

**snow:** um… isn’t it obvious emma? It’s a family group chat!

 

**reginamills:** yeah…  _ nope. _

 

**_reginamills_ ** _ has left the group  _

 

**_snow_ ** _ added  _ **_reginamills_ ** _ to the group _

 

 ** _reginamills_** _has_ _left the group_

 

**_snow_ ** _ added _ **_reginamills_ ** _ to the group _

 

**_reginamills_ ** _ has left the group _

 

**_snow_ ** _ added reginamills to the group _

 

**davidcharming:** how long do you think this will go on?

 

**emmaswan:** oh just give regina a second, she’ll give in eventually 

 

**reginamills:** that most definitely will not be happening!

 

**_reginamills has left the group_ **

 

 ** _snow_** _added_ ** _reginamills_** _to_ _the_ _group_

 

**snow:** i have a day off tomorrow regina, i could do this all night

 

**reginamills:** how do i block you on this thing

 

**snow:** :(

 

**emmaswan:** anyways…. whats with the group chat mom? didn’t take you for a texter?

 

**reginamills:** what’s *****

 

**emmaswan:** whats 

 

**reginamills:** i can’t take this.

 

**_reginamills_ ** _ has left the group _

 

**_snow_ ** _ added  _ **_reginamills_ ** _ to the group _

 

**snow:** stay!!!! Don’t make me come over to your house and annoy you until you agree to be in this group chat!

 

**reginamills:** you??? annoying?? Oh my,  _ never! _

 

**snow:** :D

 

**reginamills:** i was being sarcastic if you couldn’t tell

 

**snow:** i can’t hear sarcasm through a text….

 

**snow:** and because emma, i think we’ve come a long way as a family and it’s only fitting that we get our own group chat. I mean it’s about time that we do!

 

**reginamills:** i’d beg to differ

 

**davidcharming:** that’s wonderful honey!! You know I’ll always support you 100% 

 

**snow:** aw david you’re making me blush !!!

 

**davidcharming:** i know i’m laying right next to you. You look so cute <3

 

 **snow:** <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

 

**davidcharming:** come over here ;)

 

**emmaswan:** ew

 

**emmaswan:** yeah, maybe regina’s right about this…

 

 ** _emmaswan_** _has left the group_

 

**reginamills:** of course i am!

 

 ** _reginamills_** _has left the group_

 

**snow:** :///////

 

**_snow_ ** _ added  _ **_emmaswan_ ** _ and  _ **_reginamills_ ** _ to the group _

 

**snow:** now  _ stay!!! _

 

**emmaswan:** we’re not dogs mom

 

**snow:** lol

 

**snow:** but please, i think this would be a really good idea!

 

**snow:** think of it this way, next time there’s something causing property damages in storybrooke, instead of calling each other one by one, we can simply send one text to let everyone know about the danger!

 

**reginamills:** do you have to end every message with an exclamation point snow?

 

**emmaswan:** omg right i swear every time she sends a message i can hear her screaming in my head!!!

 

**snow:** :(

 

**snow:** david your daughter and regina are bullying me :///

 

**davidcharming:** daughter and regina stop bullying my wife you know that i don’t like it when she gets upset

 

**davidcharming:** how about a good ol’ true loves kiss to make you feel better?

 

**snow:** :)

 

**emmaswan:** ugh mom dad please

 

**reginamills:** sometimes i wonder why i even hang out with you…

 

**snow:** because you love me <3

 

**reginamills:** debatable

 

**emmaswan:** wait… you hang out with my mom….  _ willingly?  _

 

**snow:** what’s that supposed to mean!!!

 

**reginamills:** yeah… believe it or not she’s not that bad  _ sometimes _

 

**snow:** we actually went out to the rabbit hole last weekend!!! 

 

**emmaswan:** wait… you went drinking with  _ her  _ after that stunt she pulled with vikings????

 

**reginamills:** meh.. it was either her or zelena and believe me, as much as i adore my  _ angel  _ of a sister, i do not need her trying to hook me up with the first person she sees!

 

**reginamills:** last time she tried setting me up with mr. smee and from then on i swore i would never go to the bar with her

 

**snow:** so in other words… i’m regina’s favorite :’)

 

**reginamills:** i didn’t say that…

 

**emmaswan:** what about…. Me?

 

**reginamills:** ….

 

**reginamills:** what about you?

 

**emmaswan:** why haven’t you invited me out for some drinks :(

 

**reginamills:** oh

 

**reginamills:** i don’t know… after your divorce with the pirate…. I didn’t think you’d be comfortable going to a place where you’d most likely run into him

 

**reginamills:** and i didn’t want for you to be upset if you were to see him

 

**snow:** not to mention that you haven’t really been up for any fun this past year

 

**snow:** because no offense sweetie but last time we took you out to a bar you ended up being not so fun….

 

**emmaswan:** ….. did she just….

 

**emmaswan:** did my own mother just call me boring???

 

**emmaswan:** dad mom called me boring!!!

 

**davidcharming:** mom don’t call our daughter boring

 

**emmaswan:** i am definitely NOT boring

 

**emmaswan:** and maybe if you would invite me out for some drinks then you would see that!

 

**snow:** …..

 

**snow:** david did our daughter just… ask regina on a date

 

**davidcharming:** idk.. but if she did then i’m disappointed, i expected my daughter to have much more game like her father

 

**emmaswan:** MOM!!!!

 

**emmaswan:** ASKDKDKDJ

 

**snow:** she’s malfunctioning david

 

**reginamills:** i am so confused

 

**emmaswan:** I WASNT ASKING ANYONE ON A DATE!!!!

 

**reginamills:** oh

 

**reginamills:** wasn’t *****

 

**emmaswan:** I WAS JUST INVITING MYSELF TO JOIN YOUR GIRL’S NIGHT

 

**emmaswan:** wasnt 

 

**reginamills:** you’re infuriating

 

**emmaswan:** :D

 

**reginamills:** and apparently just like your mother

 

**snow:** :D

 

**emmaswan:** D:

 

**davidcharming:** :P

 

**reginamills:** ???

 

**davidcharming:** i was feeling left out

 

**emmaswan:** so is that a yes?

 

**snow:** to going out for some drinks??? 

 

**snow:** hmm i suppose so

 

**reginamills:** what’s one more charming to put up with

 

**emmaswan:** :)

 

**emmaswan:** yay!

 

**snow:** i suppose we should invite ruby to tag along while we’re at it

 

**snow:** i wouldn’t want to third wheel on my daughter and her date ://////

 

**emmaswan:** MOM!!!!

  
  
  



	2. In Comes Zelena

**henrymills:** …..

 

**henrymills:** so this is what you all do when mom sends me to bed early…

 

**snow:** good morning henry!!!!

 

**henrymills:** morning

 

**henrymills:** wait ma, you asked mom on a date????

 

**emmaswan:** …..

 

**emmaswan:** we’re not going over this again….

 

**emmaswan:** but speaking of your mom, where is she?

 

**snow:** oh no

 

**snow:** don’t tell me she finally figured out how to block me on here?!?!?!?!

 

**henrymills:** nah she’s just cooking breakfast for me and aunt zelena

 

**emmaswan:** ooooo breakfast you say……..

 

**emmaswan:** you know…. i haven’t had breakfast yet….

 

**snow:** hey!!!!

 

**snow:** you told me that you weren’t in the mood for breakfast for today!!!!

 

**emmaswan:** yeah i wasn’t in the mood for  _ your  _ breakfast today

 

**snow:** and what exactly was wrong with my healthy and nutritious oatmeal???

 

**emmaswan:** well first of all the fact that you made oatmeal to begin with

 

**snow:** emma!

 

**emmaswan:** no offence mom, but oatmeal tastes like shit

 

**reginamills:** language!

 

**emmaswan:** no offence mom, but oatmeal tastes like  _ poop _

 

**reginamills:** much better

 

**emmaswan:** :)

 

**snow:** regina can you please tell emma that oatmeal is a very  _ delicious  _ and  _ healthy  _ meal and that it’s her loss for refusing to eat any of mine

 

**reginamills:** emma oatmeal is a very delicious and healthy meal….. 

 

**reginamills:** _ when it’s cooked correctly,  _ that is.

 

**snow:** was that an insult to my oatmeal??

 

**reginamills:** _ your _ oatmeal is an insult to oatmeals

 

**snow:** this is outrageous!!! 

 

**snow:** david do you think my oatmeal tastes terrible?

 

…

 

**snow:** david???

 

**snow:** emma where’s your father??

 

**emmaswan:** he’s been in the restroom since we got to the station

 

**emmaswan:** guess that full bowl of oatmeal that he ate didn’t treat him so well, huh?

 

**snow:** :///

 

**emmaswan:** anyways as i was saying, i would love to come over for breakfast regina

 

**reginamills:** oh? i don’t recall extending an invitation towards you, ms. swan? 

 

**emmaswan:** :(

 

**emmaswan:** pls

 

**reginamills:** hmmm

 

**reginamills:** i suppose i can pull an extra plate….

 

**emmaswan:** yay :)

 

**henrymills:** oh no, don’t tell me that annoying sheriff is coming over

 

**henrymills:** by the way what the hell is this???

 

**henrymills:** i don’t remember being added into this???

 

**_henrymills_ ** _ added _ **_zelena_ ** _ to the chat _

 

**zelena:** there we go much better!

 

**emmaswan:** im so confused

 

**henrymills:** sorry ma, aunty zelena snatched my phone out of my hands when she read that you were coming over

 

**henrymills:** and then added herself to the group chat…

 

**snow:** ….why though

 

**zelena:** well this is a ‘family’ group chat

 

**zelena:** and since i am regina’s funnier, prettier, older sister, it seemed fitting that i would join as well

 

**zelena:** besides i don’t like being excluded….

 

**snow:** awwwww zelena :’’) 

 

**zelena:** and she ruined it

 

**zelena:** anyways as i was saying…

 

**zelena:** is the sheriff actually coming???

 

**zelena:** because if she is then i need to mentally prepare myself for a very  _ long  _ meal full of unresolved sexual tension

 

**henrymills:** ew

 

**henrymills:** (but mood lowkey)

 

**emmaswan:** WHAT?!?!?!?!?!

 

**snow:** NO TEXTING AND DRIVING EMMA!!

 

**emmaswan:** IM AT A RED LIGHT MOM 

 

**emmaswan:** and wtf do you mean by “unresolved sexual tension” ???????????

 

**henrymills:** language!!!

 

**emmaswan:** sh!!

 

**zelena:** listen to your mommy sheriff, storybrooke gets enough property damages already

 

**zelena:** hmmm she stopped replying lol

 

**zelena:** such a chicken

 

**snow:** ………

 

**zelena:** …….. 

 

**henrymills:** awkward

 

**henrymills:** anyways i wonder how mom’s going to react when she sees what you said about her and ma, aunt zelena

 

**henrymills:** she’s gonna be pissed lmao

 

**snow:** henry! language!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**henrymills:** oh sorry

 

**henrymills:** she’s gonna be pissed lol

 

**zelena:** please

 

**zelena:** she’s all talk and no action 

 

**zelena:** i mean, she’s friends with snow white!!!

 

**snow:** :D

 

**zelena:** i guess the point that i’m trying to make henry dear, is that your mother is just not that scary anymore

 

**zelena:** i mean what is she gonna do??? punish me with some algebra homework???

 

**henrymills:** do you even know what algebra is…

 

**zelena:** THE POINT IS THAT IM RIGHT

 

**zelena:** it’s weird being in the same room with those two at times…

 

**emmaswan:** um… no you’re not???????

 

**snow:** EYES ON THE ROAD EMMA!!!!

 

**zelena:** it’s like they’re eye fucking or something……

 

**henrymills:** ew

 

**snow:** LANGUAGE LANGUAGE LANGUAGE

 

**emmaswan:** UM…. NO WE’RE NOT?????

 

**emmaswan:** regina and i are nothing but best friends??????

 

**snow:** ummmmmmmmm………

 

**zelena:** ha

 

**zelena:** yeah 

 

**zelena:** right

 

**emmaswan:** you’re annoying :\\\\\\\

 

**zelena:** feeling’s mutual 

 

**snow:** anyways before you two continue let’s just get two things straightened out real quick…

 

**snow:** one- emma please stop texting and driving, it’s very dangerous sweetite :(

 

**snow:** and second…

 

**snow:** i love you emma, you’re the light of my life and all, but………..

 

**snow:** i think we ALL know that i’m regina’s best friend….

 

**snow:** you two on the other hand…….. have some weird relationship going on that i don’t really want to ask about because well, you know……..

 

**zelena:** right, i actually thought they were having an affair at one point because of the looks that they kept giving each other

 

**zelena:** but it turns out, they were doing nothing else but pathetically pining for the other

 

**zelena:** they’re so boring i’m disappointed

 

**zelena:** but then again not everyone is as entertaining and as charming as me so :/

 

**henrymills:** can we stop talking about my moms’ sex lives pls

 

**emmaswan:** ……….

 

**emmaswan:** first of all, i think it’s pretty obvious that i’m the most suitable best friend for regina mom, no offence

 

**emmaswan:** and secondly..

 

**_emmaswan_ ** _ removed  _ **_zelena_ ** _ from the group _

 

**emmaswan:** much better

 

**snow:** i love you emma, but you’re incorrect sweetie. I’m regina’s best friend and that is that!

 

**_henrymills_ ** _ added  _ **_zelena_ ** _ to the group _

 

**zelena:** you two are nothing but morons, if anything  _ i’m  _ regina’s best friend, i am her sister after all….

 

**emmaswan:** HENRY?!

 

**henrymills:** sorry ma, she snatched my phone out of my hands again

 

**zelena:** oh, don’t be so dramatic dear, you handed it over to me.

 

**henrymills:** ok true

 

**emmaswan:** why

 

**henrymills:** she made a pop tart appear on my plate…

 

**henrymills:** which, by the way, is delicious

 

**zelena:** anything for my favorite nephew <3

 

**henrymills:** ………

 

**henrymills:** i’m your only nephew???

 

**zelena:** details details...

 

**emmaswan:** i’ve been parked outside for a few minutes debating if whether or not i should magic your aunt’s mouth shut once i step foot in there

 

**zelena:** you lay even a finger on me savior and i’ll feed you to the monkies

 

**reginamills:** you all text too much…

 

**reginamills:** i had to put this thing on silent in order to finish cooking

 

**reginamills:** speaking of cooking, breakfast is about to be served

 

**reginamills:** emma, i’d suggest you show up now or there won’t be anything left for you.. 

 

**emmaswan:** :O

 

**emmaswan:** WAIT IM COMING IN SAVE SOME FOR ME!!!!!!!!

 

**snow:** hey bring me some leftovers when you come home, emma….

 

**snow:** i suppose i should see what makes regina’s breakfast  _ so great  _ ….

 

**emmaswan:** k

 

**reginamills:** what were you all even talking about

 

**reginamills:** ……

 

**reginamills:** ZELENA!!!

 

**zelena:** now… about that silent spell you were speaking of earlier sheriff….?

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh thank y'all for the feedback and since you guys wanted me to continue, here it is! let me know who else should make an appearance.


	3. Girls' Night

**emmaswan:** so….. it’s been a week since you both agreed to a girls’ night with me 

**emmaswan:** and not to be that person, but like… when are we going out!!!

 

**emmaswan:** i’m a single mom raising a teenager i need a night for myself

 

**henrymills:** thanks

 

**emmaswan:** sorry henry :(

 

**henrymills:** hm… 

 

**emmaswan:** you’re still my favorite person ever, if it makes you feel any better…

 

**henrymills:** hm…

 

**henrymills:** i mean it’s not like i don’t agree ma

 

**henrymills:** you’ve been a little snappy these past few days, you deserve a night out…

 

**emmaswan:** :)

 

**zelena:** did someone say girls’ night????

 

**reginamills:** emma……

 

**emmaswan:** oh crap i forgot she was in here…

 

**zelena:** i could use a night out myself, so when are we going????

 

**reginamills:** …...

 

**snow:** LOL

 

**snow:** i can hear regina fuming all the way from my house

 

**zelena:** ????

 

**zelena:** what’s going on????

 

**snow:** oh nothing……

 

**zelena:** henry???

 

**henrymills:** mom doesn’t really like going out with you because last time you tried to hook her up with mr smee

 

**henrymills:** which by the way….  _ ew _

 

**reginamills:** henry!!!!

 

**henrymills:** sorry mom, she magicked me a bag of hot cheetos and a can of big red

 

**henrymills:** i couldn’t say no

 

**reginamills:** you’re just like your mother…

 

**emmaswan:** :) one of your very good qualities, kid 

 

**reginamills:** also zelena, i don’t appreciate you using junk food to manipulate my son

 

**zelena:** and i don’t appreciate you talking behind my back!

 

**reginamills:** i wasn’t talking behind your back!!!

 

**reginamills:** i was simply making a comment as to why i refuse to ever go out for drinks with you

 

**zelena:** because you’ve become such a prude ever since your last relationship didn’t work out???

 

**henrymills:** okay i think this would be a good time for me to put my phone down and enjoy my bag of chips

 

**emmaswan:** speak for yourself

 

**reginamills:** oh no she didn’t…

 

**snow:** i think she kinda did……..

 

**zelena:** what???? did i lie????

 

**zelena:** regina, i say this as your big sister who loves you dearly….  _ sometimes _

 

**zelena:** you’ve been too uptight lately and i was trying to get you to relax a bit, but clearly you weren’t ready….

 

**reginamills:** well excuse me for not being ready to jump into a relationship with the first person i see after losing the person that i loved….  _ again _

 

**zelena:** oh wonderful, now you’ve got me feeling bloody guilty for calling you a prude!

 

**snow:** regina :(((((((

 

**zelena:** i’m not asking you to form a relationship with someone, i’m just telling you that maybe a one night stand is all you need to help you get back on…

 

**zelena:** what do these kids call it these days???

 

**zelena:** _ your game??? _

 

**reginamills:** right well, i think i’m a little too mature for those kinds of things..

 

**reginamills:** i just don’t want to be with anybody right now, end of discussion!

 

**snow:** uh, i think not! i’m coming over for coffee tomorrow and we are going to talk about our feelings!!!!!

 

**reginamills:** …..

 

**reginamills:** i mean even if i say no, she’s still going to show up so i’m not even going to bother

 

**zelena:** stop inviting the charmings to our home!!!

 

**zelena:** i can’t stand to hear another hope speech

 

**snow:** well… that sucks for you i guess :////

 

**zelena:** hm….

 

**zelena:** so is that a yes to girls’ night or

 

**zelena:** i promise i will try to set you up with someone younger and more attractive…

 

**reginamills:** zelena…..

 

**zelena:** kidding!

 

**zelena:** i promise not to meddle in your love life

 

**zelena:** for a week….

 

**reginamills:** hmm…

 

**zelena:** ;)

 

**reginamills:** i suppose you could tag along…

 

**zelena:** great! david you’re watching the kids, right?

 

**davidcharming:** i-

 

**davidcharming:** do i have much of a choice?

 

**zelena:** hmmm not really

 

**snow:** hey!!! only i can boss my husband around

 

**snow:** david you’re babysitting the kids

 

**davidcharming:** well… it looks like i’m babysitting…

 

**snow:** :)

 

**emmaswan:** damn i take a quick bathroom break and i come back to 20 notifications

 

**emmaswan:** regina was right, you all do text too much

 

**reginamills:** of course i’m right

 

**snow:** since we’re on the topic, is it alright if i add ruby? just so we can all be on the same page about girls’ night..

 

**snow:** wait a minute, this is my group chat i don’t need to ask any of you for permission LOL

 

**_snow_ ** _ added  _ **_redruby_ ** _ to the group _

 

**snow:** hi ruby!!!!!!!!

 

**redruby:** snow hey!!!!!

 

**redruby:** is this the group chat you were telling me and dorothy earlier!

 

**zelena:** ew i can’t stand that name

 

**redruby:** ummmm

 

**redruby:** what is  _ SHE  _ doing here???

 

**snow:** oh i forgot that they didn’t like each other

 

**emmaswan:** same

 

**emmaswan:** we shouldn’t feel bad though

 

**emmaswan:** it’s not like their story was ever acknowledged after it happened

 

**snow:** true true

 

**zelena:** wait a minute so you’re telling me she got an invite before me????

 

**redruby:** :P

 

**reginamills:** snow invited her not me

 

**zelena:** still, this is outrageous!

 

**zelena:** i mean, i’m clearly much more fun than she is

 

**redruby:** i mean if you consider knitting fun, then sure

 

**snow:** hey!!!!!

 

**redruby:** sorry snow ://///

 

**zelena:** i’ll have you know that i’ve only knitted  _ once  _ and it was so i can make my precious baby robyn the cutest little blanky

 

**zelena:** it’s green btw

 

**zelena:** has a cute little witch hat on it too

 

**reginamills:** we know, we’ve seen it

 

**zelena:** anyways what were we talking about…

 

**redruby:** ah memory loss already zelena?

 

**zelena:** oh right

 

**zelena:** shoo shoo, don’t you have some bones to go dig up or some cars to chase? isn’t that what dogs do these days?

 

**redruby:** oh no she didn’t

 

**snow:** ruby!!!

 

**redruby:** be glad that i’m currently having lunch with belle 

 

**redruby:** aka the nicest human being to ever exist

 

**redruby:** meaning that she just forbid me from going after you

 

**zelena:** aw and like a good doggy, you listened to her :)

 

**emmaswan:** is it bad that i’m enjoying this

 

**reginamills:** don’t feel bad, it’s not everyday you get to see a witch and a werewolf fight via text message

 

**redruby:** it’s taking everything in me not to go all wolf on you 

 

**zelena:** oooo sorry :////

 

**zelena:** but i don’t get involved with animals, especially those that are taken by my archenemy

 

**redruby:** breathe breathe breathe

 

**snow:** anyways…………

 

**snow:** how does this weekend sound???

 

**emmaswan:** cool

 

**reginamills:** henry can spend the night with david or at a friends, so it’s fine by me

 

**zelena:** oh gee i wonder what i’ll wear!!

 

**emmaswan:** 20 bucks it’s something green

 

**zelena:** shut it savior

 

**redruby:** i’m down

 

**redruby:** though i make no promises that i won’t end up scratching greenies eyes out

 

**zelena:** temper temper 

 

**snow:** ruby!

 

**redruby:** fine i’ll behave

 

**redruby:** but on one condition

 

**redruby:** if i can bring my fiancée :)

 

**redruby:** oh and my good friend belle who looks like she could use the night out as well

 

**snow:** the more the merrier!!!

 

**zelena:** ew

 

**redruby:** if i have to put up with you, then you can put up with them

 

**zelena:** ugh whatever

 

**snow:** so it’s settled then!!!

 

**redruby:** great!!!

 

**redruby:** oh and i gotta run

 

**redruby:** granny is over here ushering me to get back to work

 

**snow:** bye ruby <3

 

**emmaswan:** later rubes

 

**_redruby_ ** _ has left the group _

 

**reginamills:** speaking of work… i think that is something we should all get back to doing, especially you sheriff swan, the streets aren’t going to patrol themselves!

 

**emmaswan:** i am patrolling!!!

 

**davidcharming:** honey, i’m sitting right next to you, you haven’t even left the station yet……

 

**emmaswan:** :////

 

**emmaswan:** thanks dad

.

.

.

.

.

**_emmaswan_ ** _ has created the group chat  _ **_hey…._ **

 

**_emmaswan_ ** _ added  _ **_reginamills_ ** _ to  _ **_hey…._ **

 

**reginamills:** ????

 

**reginamills:** what is this?

 

**emmaswan:** i know it’s been hours since this happened…

 

**emmaswan:** but i just wanted to ask if you were okay

 

**emmaswan:** and to tell you that you don’t have to go out with us if you don’t want to

 

**reginamills:** don’t be silly emma, of course i’m going

 

**reginamills:** i’ve never had a problem with going out for drinks, i just had a problem with zelena and her insistence to set me up with someone as if it were that easy

 

**reginamills:** i mean i get that she means well, but like i said, i’m just not ready

 

**emmaswan:** because you’re not over him yet?

 

**reginamills:** don’t misunderstand, i am. It’s been almost a year since it happened and i think i’ve made my peace with it but…

 

**reginamills:** i know that this going to sound ridiculous, but i’m scared of the thought of being with someone and for them to just die on me… again

 

**emmaswan:** i don’t think you sound ridiculous, i think your fear is very valid

 

**emmaswan:** and you don’t have to be with someone just because zelena says so or because you feel like you need to in order to be happy.

 

**emmaswan:** when you’re ready, your heart will let you know

 

**reginamills:** thanks emma

 

**reginamills:** i really needed that

 

**emmaswan:** any time :)

 

**emmaswan:** you sure you’re okay though??

 

**reginamills:** i am, thank you

 

**emmaswan:** i know i may not be as good as giving hope speeches like my mom, but i’m always here for you

 

**reginamills:** i know

 

**reginamills:** and just so you know, 

 

**reginamills:** i don’t need to have a relationship with someone else to be happy

 

**reginamills:** i think, no i know that i’ve already found my happiness with henry, you, your annoying parents and their mini charming, even with my infuriating sister and her obnoxiously adorable baby.

 

**emmaswan:** :) i feel the same way

 

**reginamills:** good night emma

 

**emmaswan:** good night regina

 

**_emmaswan_ ** _ has deleted the group chat  _ **_hey…._ **

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh I'm glad so many of you are enjoying this, I appreciated all the feedback! More characters to come soon.


	4. The Morning After

**davidcharming:** good morning everybody!

 

**davidcharming:** snow just woke up with a raging hangover

 

**davidcharming:** so that’s fun hahaha….

 

**davidcharming:** ……. 

 

**davidcharming:** so i take it that girls’ night was fun???

 

**zelena:** WHAT IS ALL OF THAT NOISE COMING FROM DOWN STAIRS???? 

 

**zelena:** MY HEAD IS KILLING ME AND I CANT GET ANY BLOODY SLEEP BECAUSE OF ALL THAT RUCKUS!!!

 

**zelena:** REGINA?????

 

**davidcharming:** that well huh

 

**reginamills:** it’s cleaning day

 

**reginamills:** and no, david, girls’ night was NOT fun

 

**reginamills:** especially not when i was the ONLY sober one there….

 

**emmaswan:** hey!!!!!

 

**emmaswan:** i wasn’t that drunk?????

 

**emmaswan:** not compared to how drunk everyone else got at least………

 

**reginamills:** you got on top of one of the tables and started to dance to the macarena…. and then you started crying when i told you that i wasn’t about to dance with you on top of a table….

 

**emmaswan:** ….. 

 

**emmaswan:** it was a good song

 

**davidcharming:** she has a point

 

**reginamills:** …..

 

**davidcharming:** what happened

 

**reginamills:** where do i even START????

 

**snow:** good morning everyone!!!!

 

**snow:** i just took some painkillers and drank some coffee and i feel much better!!! :D

 

**reginamills:** her….

 

**reginamills:** that’s who i’ll start with

 

**snow:** me????

 

**snow:** i didn’t do anything bad?????

 

**snow:** …..that i can remember

 

**davidcharming:** what did my oh so beautiful drunk wife do this time???

 

**davidcharming:** did she start a fight with the vikings again???

 

**reginamills:** what DIDN’T your wife do last night???

 

**reginamills:** the worst part is that it wasn’t  _ just _ her 

 

**snow:** ?????

 

**reginamills:** everything was going just fine

 

**reginamills:** we were all sitting there having some drinks and having a good time…

 

**reginamills:** until her and belle decided that it would be a good idea to play beer pong….

 

**snow:** I SAW IT ON TV ONCE AND THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A FUN IDEA TO TRY

 

**snow:** and… i don’t think it’s fair that only i’m the one getting called out for last night???

 

**snow:** hold on

 

**_snow_ ** _ added  _ **_beautybelle_ ** _ to the chat _

 

**snow:** good morning belle how are you???

 

**beautybelle:** good morning snow :)

 

**beautybelle:** i’m good thank you, rumple gave me a potion that would cure me of the massive headache i woke up with this morning!

 

**snow:** that’s wonderful!!!

 

**snow:** ….

 

**snow:** okay regina you may continue…

 

**reginamills:** right….

 

**reginamills:** where was i?

 

**reginamills:** oh right

 

**reginamills:** for some reason these two thought it would be a good idea to play beer pong

 

**beautybelle:** that was snow’s idea actually…

 

**reginamills:** and you went along with it which makes you just as guilty

 

**reginamills:** anyways long story short

 

**reginamills:** the two of them for some reason have incredible aim and end up getting drunk off their asses

 

**emmaswan:** lmaooo yeah

 

**emmaswan:** i’ve never thought i’d see mom chug down so many shots of vodka 

 

**reginamills:** that wasn’t even the worst part…..

 

**reginamills:** the worst part was when the two of them pulled out their phones and started showing each other pictures of neal and gideon 

 

**reginamills:** and started crying over how cute their sons are

 

**davidcharming:** awwww :)

 

**davidcharming:** that doesn’t sound so bad...

 

**reginamills:** i’m not finished

 

**emmaswan:** lol yeah mom and belle got into a bar fight after that

 

**snow:** IT WAS NOT A BAR FIGHT EMMA!!!

 

**beautybelle:** OF COURSE NOT!!!

 

**beautybelle:** snow and i are much too mature for that

 

**snow:** exactly!!!

 

**snow:** we were simply having a creative discussion!!!

 

**emmaswan:** …..

 

**emmaswan:** it was a bar fight

 

**davidcharming:** uh oh

 

**davidcharming:** what happened?

 

**reginamills:** well after they were done crying over how cute their sons are…

 

**reginamills:** they began fighting over which of the boys had the cutest baby pictures…

 

**emmaswan:** it’s true i was there

 

**snow:** for the last time…

 

**snow:** belle and i were NOT fighting

 

**snow:** we were simply having a creative discussion…

 

**beautybelle:** i don’t remember it any other way!

 

**emmaswan:** well i do..

 

**emmaswan:** and i’ve got the video to prove it!!!!

 

**emmaswan:** _ file405 _ . _ jpg _

 

**davidcharming:** ….

 

**snow:** O_o

 

**beautybelle:** i-

 

**henrymills:** LMAOOOOOOOOO

 

**henrymills:** my grandmas were in a bar fight

 

**beautybelle:** please i would hardly call  _ that  _ a fight…

 

**snow:** it was a CREATIVE DISCUSSION!!!

 

**emmaswan:** it was a fight…

 

**emmaswan:** you stole my lemon drop from my cocktail glass and threw at her…

 

**reginamills:** and belle tried to throw a napkin at her….

 

**reginamills:** a napkin….

 

**snow:** ….

 

**snow:** we were discussing things very loudly i guess you can say

 

**beautybelle:** i don’t even remember that….

 

**davidcharming:** wow 

 

**davidcharming:** sounds like you ladies had fun…

 

**davidcharming:** as soon as the kids fell asleep

 

**davidcharming:** henry and i stayed up all night playing video games!

 

**henrymills:** AND BY ALL NIGHT GRANDPA MEANS NO LATER THAN 11 PM!

 

**henrymills:** because that would mean i stayed up past my curfew

 

**henrymills:** which I would never do…

 

**reginamills:** mhm…..

 

**henrymills:** i love you mom

 

**emmaswan:** ha nice try kid

 

**emmaswan:** you’re a big boy now you can’t just say “I love you mom” and expect for regina to fall for that 

 

**reginamills:** I love you too my little prince <3

 

**emmaswan:** or apparently she can…

 

**henrymills:** you were saying, ma?

 

**emmaswan:** ….

 

**reginamills:** we still need to discuss the fact that as a young boy, you need to get at least 8 hours of sleep, so it’s important for you to follow your sleeping schedule young man.

 

**emmaswan:** HA 

 

**henrymills:** :////

 

**henrymills:** real mature, ma

 

 **emmaswan:** hey im your mother!

 

**emmaswan:** I’m allowed to be as immature as i want

 

**zelena:** MIGHT AS WELL WAKE UP SINCE YOU IDIOTS WON’T STOP TEXTING

 

**beautybelle:** ….

 

**reginamills:** ugh don’t even get me started on her…

 

**reginamills:** she’s my older sister but last night she was acting like a complete child!

 

**zelena:** what the hell are you yapping about?

 

**reginamills:** about your ridiculous behavior last night!

 

**zelena:** _ MY BEHAVIOR???? _

 

**zelena:** I think you mean THE WOLF AND HER FIANCÉE’S BEHAVIOR???

 

**reginamills:** and  _ YOUR  _ behavior as well!!!

 

**davidcharming:** uh oh what did your  _ lovely  _ sister do now, regina?

 

**emmaswan:** what didn’t she do???

 

**zelena:** shut up swan, at least i didn’t end up humiliating the family by dancing on top of a table!

 

**emmaswan:** >:(

 

**reginamills:** at least she didn’t cause any property damages!!!

 

**zelena:** um??? 

 

**zelena:** I DID NO SUCH THING???

 

**davidcharming:** what happened!!!

 

**reginamills:** my dearest sister here, for some reason, thought it would be a good idea to strike a conversation with her former arch nemesis 

 

**zelena:** STILL VERY CURRENT ARCH NEMESIS***

 

**reginamills:** right, well for some reason she did that and needless to say, zelena really isn’t good at small talk…

 

**reginamills:** so ruby wolfed up and tried to fight zelena and zelena ended up throwing fireballs everywhere 

 

**zelena:** IT WAS SELF DEFENSE!!!

 

**zelena:** they started it!

 

**zelena:** and i was only defending myself!

 

**snow:** see now  _ that  _ was a bar fight!

 

**beautybelle:** if i can remember correctly, i believe zelena started their fight by insulting dorothy first… 

 

**zelena:** nobody asked you book worm!!!

 

**_rumple_ ** _ has been added to the group _

 

**rumple:** insult my wife again zelena, i dare  _ you _

 

**snow:** ….

 

**snow:** wha-

 

**snow:** how

 

**snow:** I-

 

**snow:** ????

 

**emmaswan:** hey don’t ask me im just as confused as you are!

 

**rumple:** i am one of the strongest magic wielders alive, ms swan…

 

**rumple:** do you really think that magicking myself into… whatever this is, would be anything but a piece of cake??

 

**emmaswan:** ….

 

**emmaswan:** so what you’re saying is that i can  _ poof _ myself into any group chat that i want???

 

**henrymills:** cool!

 

**reginamills:** please don’t ever say  _ poof  _ again…

 

**emmaswan:** POOF

 

**reginamills:** ….

 

**emmaswan:** ;)))))

 

**reginamills:** -_-

 

**emmaswan:** :D

 

**henrymills:** ….

 

**zelena:** ANYWAYS BEFORE THIS GETS TOO WEIRD

 

**zelena:** i wasn’t insulting your wife you old hag 

 

**zelena:** she probably loves getting called a  _ bookworm _

 

**zelena:** if i wanted to insult her i would’ve called her a boring lightweight  _ bookworm _

 

**zelena:** WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL DID YOU DO TO MY LEFT HAND???

 

**zelena:** RUMPLE!!!!

 

**snow:** LOOOOOL

 

**beautybelle:** rumple give her her hand back…

 

**rumple:** what i didn’t do anything???

 

**beautybelle:** rumple….

 

**rumple:** fine.

 

**zelena:** ahhh there we go, much better!!!

 

**zelena:** you should be glad that I’m trying hard to be a redeemed witch here

 

**zelena:** if not, things would have gone very badly for you 

 

**beautybelle:** just ignore her, don’t let her silly comments get to you!!!

 

**zelena:** silly…

 

**zelena:** I’m insulted…

 

**snow:** anyways we were talking about zelena’s lack of behavior at the rabbit hole last night…

 

**snow:** which by the way

 

**snow:** was a lot worse than belle and I’s….

 

**zelena:** ….

 

**zelena:** you are one petty princess, aren’t you?

 

**snow:** so I’ve heard…

 

**reginamills:** you’re paying for property damages by the way

 

**zelena:** ME???

 

**zelena:** what about the snake and her pet dog?!!?!?!?!

 

**snow:** dorothy**

 

**snow:** ruby****

 

**reginamills:** neither ruby or dorothy threw a fireball at the counter….

 

**zelena:** i was drunk can you blame me for having terrible aim???

 

**reginamills:** zelena….

 

**zelena:** yes, annoying younger sister of mine???

 

**reginamills:** if you refuse to pay for property damages then I’ll have no choice but have the sheriff arrest you..

 

**emmaswan:** that would be me :)

 

**zelena:** ew

 

**zelena:** no thanks sheriff, but I’m not interested in your kinky role plays :///

 

**emmaswan:** EW

 

**henrymills:** EW

 

**snow:** EW

 

**rumple:** why are we in this chat again?

 

**snow:** you added yourself….

 

**reginamills:** zelena stop messing around, this is serious!

 

**reginamills:** if you won’t pay for property damages then I’ll have no choice but to ask emma to bring you in…

 

**emmaswan:** IN A NON SEXUAL WAY!!!!

 

**zelena:** ugh fine

 

**zelena:** only because i am a changed and redeemed person

 

**zelena:** who really doesn’t want to spend the whole day with any charmings…

 

**reginamills:** thank you

 

**zelena:** i mean i don’t see why this is necessary though…

 

**zelena:** it’s not like you can’t just magically fix all the damages but whatever

 

**reginamills:** …

 

**reginamills:** shut up

  
**zelena:** so how about breakfast???

 

 **reginamills:** sure

 

 **reginamills:** right after you come down and help me clean the kitchen

 

 **zelena:** you know what i think i'll go back to sleep

 

 **emmaswan:** i wouldn't mind some breakfast...

 

 **reginamills:**....

 

 **reginamills:** are  _you_ going to help me clean the kitchen then?

 

 **emmaswan:** do i have to???

 

 **reginamills:** if you want to eat breakfast here, then yes...

 

 **emmaswan:** ugh fine

 

 **emmaswan:** i'll be over in 5

 

 **henrymills:** WAIT TAKE ME WITH YOU

 

 **henrymills:** i heard grandma was making oatmeal again for breakfast 

 

 **snow:** WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ON MY OATMEAL??

 

 **emmaswan:** because it sucks...

 

 **snow:** david you like my oatmeal, right?

 

 **davidcharming:**...

 

 **davidcharming:** OH WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT IM GETTING A CALL FROM THE STATION BRB HONEY

 

 **snow:** i-

 

 **snow:** ok

 

 **snow:** more for me i guess

 

 **snow:** hey belle, rumple do you guys want to come over for breakfast???

 

**_beautybelle_ ** _and **rumple** have left the chat_

_._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you all think? Should Belle and Rumple come back for more chapters?


	5. Meddling

**zelena:** _file204.jpg_

 

**zelena:** LOOK AT MY LITTLE ANGEL SHE JUST TOOK HER FIRST STEPS

 

**zelena:** MOMMY’S SO PROUD

 

**snow:** OMG!!!!!

 

**snow:** LOOK DAVID !!!!!!

 

**snow:** I WANT ANOTHER ONE OMG

 

**snow:** WHAT WAS THAT NOISE??

 

**david:** oh neal dropped a vase 

 

**snow:** nvm 

 

**emmaswan:** LOL

 

**emmaswan:** it would be nice to have a baby sister tho

 

**emmaswan:** neal needs someone to bug him while he’s growing up just like he bugs me every night

 

**snow:** emma don’t say that!!!

 

**snow:** your brother loves you

 

**emmaswan:** yeah  _ loves  _ to annoy me

 

**emmaswan:** every night before bed he comes barging into my room yelling ‘’EMMA EMMA READ ME A BEDTIME STORY EMMA EMMA”

 

**zelena:** i don’t understand why we’re all still talking about the mini charming when my little robyn just took her FIRST STEPS

 

**zelena:** at only 11 months look at mommy’s little witch growing up so fast!!!

 

**reginamills:** henry took his first steps at 10 months

 

**zelena:** ok no one asked

 

**zelena:** this is a celebrating matter!!!

 

**zelena:** i say we go out for some drinks

 

**reginamills:** NO!!!!!

 

**reginamills:** NOT AFTER THAT STUNT YOU PULLED LAST WEEKEND

 

**zelena:** THAT WAS LAST WEEKEND GET OVER IT!!

 

**zelena:** oh speaking of that, i just remembered something!!!!!!

 

**zelena:** i may or may have not have bumped into your old gal pal and told her you and I would love to meet up for some drinks…

 

**zelena:** i always forget her bloody name

 

**zelena:** what was it…?

 

**zelena:** malevolent? malent? 

 

**reginamills:** ….

 

**reginamills:** maleficent?

 

**zelena:** THERE YOU GO!!

 

**zelena:** i was close enough 

 

**emmaswan:** oh i didn’t know her and lily were back in town

 

**emmaswan:** how inch resting….

 

**reginamills:** what

 

**emmaswan:** i said

 

**emmaswan:** how inch resting…

 

**reginamills:** ….

 

**reginamills:** do you mean: how interesting?

 

**emmaswan:** yeah

 

**emmaswan:** how INCH RESTING 

 

**reginamills:** that’s not how you… spell it

 

**emmaswan:** i know

 

**emmaswan:** but i saw henry use it and thought 

 

**emmaswan:** haha that’s cool

 

**henrymills:** well now that you’ve used it 

 

**henrymills:** it’s officially uncool…

 

**emmaswan:** heY 

 

**emmaswan:** I LET YOU HAVE A CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE FOR BREAKFAST AND THIS IS HOW YOU THANK ME???

 

**reginamills:** you did what again?

 

**henrymills:** LOL GTG

 

**emmaswan:** and by chocolate milkshake i mean….

 

**emmaswan:** a chocolate PROTEIN shake hahaha

 

**snow:** nice save

 

**reginamills:** hmmmm

 

**emmaswan:** i said protein shake….

 

**reginamills:** you’re such a child

 

**emmaswan:** you love me anyway

 

**zelena:** oh wow this conversation just got way more interesting

 

**emmaswan:** uHHH

 

**emmaswan:** I MEAN

 

**emmaswan:** UHHH 

 

**emmaswan:** someone change the subject pls

 

**snow:** nah

 

**snow:** for once i agree with zelena

 

**snow:** this is much more interesting 

 

**davidcharming:** im just waiting for regina’s response 

 

**henrymills:** oh

 

**zelena:** what is it henry, dear?

 

**henrymills:** ma just banged her head against her desk so i had to see what was going on

 

**henrymills:** hmmmm 

 

**henrymills:** quite inch resting, indeed…

 

**emmaswan:** hey you said that saying that was officially uncool!!!

 

**henrymills:** yeah only when you say it

 

**henrymills:** i’m a teenager, we’re supposed to talk like this

 

**henrymills:** meanwhile you’re an adult, you can’t talk like that

 

**zelena:** yeah yeah emma is an old hag we get it

 

**zelena:** let’s backtrack a bit to the previous conversation for a moment

 

**davidcharming:** yeah, still waiting for regina’s response 

 

**zelena:** oh sister, dearest???

 

**zelena:** where art thou sister?

 

**snow:** since when do you read shakespeare?

 

**zelena:** ever since i’ve been taking my little witch to the library so she could learn how to read

 

**zelena:** i want her to become the smartest kid in storybrooke!

 

**snow:** …. didn’t you insult belle last time for being a bookworm???

 

**zelena:** …….

 

**zelena:** i wasn’t insulting her though…..

 

**snow:** so zelena, the wicked witch is a bookworm as well, huh

 

**zelena:** shut up

 

**zelena:** didn’t you die by eating an apple

 

**snow:** technically it put me in a sleeping curse

 

**zelena:** still dumb

 

**snow:** i-

 

**snow:** wow okay

 

**reginamills:** can you guys be consistent with one conversation please

 

**zelena:** RIGHT

 

**zelena:** what were we talking about again

 

**davidcharming:** emma just boldly declared that regina loved her and we were waiting for regina’s response to see if what she said was true or not.

 

**emmaswan:** wow

 

**emmaswan:** thanks dad

 

**davidcharming:** no problem sweetie

 

**zelena:** wow david, i’m surprised...

 

**zelena:** i always thought it was your wife the one who liked to meddle with other people’s lives

 

**snow:** I DO NOT MEDDLE

 

**davidcharming:** meh i guess after being married for several years it was bound to rub off on me…

 

**snow:** >:(

 

**davidcharming:** love you sweetheart

 

**davidcharming:** anyways regina, you were saying?

 

**reginamills:** i wasn’t saying anything???

 

**emmaswan:** can i just clarify something real quick

 

**zelena:** no

 

**emmaswan:** i’m going to ignore her like i always do and continue

 

**emmaswan:** when i said “you love me anyway” to regina..

 

**emmaswan:** that was me just joking around

 

**emmaswan:** idk if that’s true or not…….

 

**snow:** hmm…

 

**emmaswan:** OH

 

**emmaswan:** AND BY “LOVE”

 

**emmaswan:** I MEAN A COMPLETELY PLATONIC LOVE BETWEEN TWO CO-PARENTS AND BEST FRIENDS OF COURSE

 

**emmaswan:** it’s not like i was talking about any other kind of love……

 

**zelena:** ha 

 

**snow:** again with the best friend thing i’m hurt……..

 

**emmaswan:** pls don’t start again

 

**davidcharming:** so regina

 

**reginamills:** ?

 

**davidcharming:** you’re not just going to let my daughter continue to embarrass herself, are you?

 

**reginamills:** oh?

 

**reginamills:** well

 

**reginamills:** i suppose her assumptions aren’t incorrect….

 

**snow:** aw regina loves my daughter :D

 

**reginamills:** well,

 

**reginamills:** platonically, if that’s what she was referring to…

 

**zelena:** “platonically”

 

**zelena:** LOL

 

**zelena:** ok

 

**snow:** emma sweetie 

 

**snow:** it’s very rude not to say i love you back after someone’s just said it to you….

 

**henrymills:** i-

 

**henrymills:** i think she’s broken

 

**henrymills:** she’s not moving

 

**henrymills:** and she’s just staring at her phone screen

 

**henrymills:** hold on let me throw my eraser at her

 

**emmaswan:** OW

 

**henrymills:** i fixed her

 

**henrymills:** you’re welcome

 

**snow:** well..?

 

**emmaswan:** oh sorry i was just…….

 

**emmaswan:** deep in thought….

 

**emmaswan:** i love you too hahaha

 

**emmaswan:** platonically

 

**emmaswan:** hahaha

 

**zelena:** LOL

 

**zelena:** denial

 

**emmaswan:** what???

 

**zelena:** oh nothing…..

 

**zelena:** anyways regina

 

**zelena:** we were talking about your gal pal malevolent

 

**reginamills:** maleficent

 

**zelena:** that’s what i said

 

**reginamills:** what about mal, again?

 

**zelena:** she invited us for some drinks that other day

 

**zelena:** i just barely remembered to tell you

 

**reginamills:** oh

 

**reginamills:** well i would love to go out for some drinks again

 

**zelena:** great-

 

**reginamills:** without you, that is…

 

**zelena:** WHAT

 

**zelena:** WHY????

 

**reginamills:** because the last two times we went out for drinks, you always end up getting too drunk

 

**reginamills:** and you end up acting like an immature child!

 

**reginamills:** and then i don’t get to enjoy the night at all!

 

**reginamills:** at least that one time that it was just snow and I, she managed to be well behaved

 

**snow:** yeah!

 

**reginamills:** i said one time, don’t get too happy now

 

**reginamills:** i’m still not over that humiliating stunt that you and belle pulled last weekend

 

**snow:** i’m feeling attacked right now….

 

**zelena:** so what you’re saying is…

 

**zelena:** that you don’t want me to go out with you and malevolent….

 

**zelena:** hmmm….

 

**zelena:** okay

 

**snow:** really???

 

**snow:** i would’ve thought you would have put up more of a fight

 

**zelena:** see i was going to but then a brilliant idea popped into my pretty, little head

 

**snow:** which is…

 

**zelena:** that maybe this gal pal malevolent could be the key to getting regina back out there !!!

 

**emmaswan:** ……

 

**emmaswan:** wdym “back out there” ????

 

**snow:** omg zelena!!!

 

**snow:** you’re such a genius!!!

 

**zelena:** i’m offended that you’re only just realizing that

 

**emmaswan:** i’m confused…

 

**reginamills:** did you two forget that i’m in this group chat too or are you both just too immodest to care???

 

**davidcharming:** and she said i was meddling… 

 

**emmaswan:** can someone explain to me what’s going on ???

 

**zelena:** shut up charmings

 

**zelena:** snow white and i are about to start planning regina’s date with malevolent

 

**reginamills:** maleficent***

 

**zelena:** that’s what i said

 

**emmaswan:** wait wait wait

 

**emmaswan:** WDYM DATE????????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking so long to update, school is ugly.....
> 
> Anyways, I hope you all enjoy the update and keep an eye out for reoccurring characters soon :)


	6. Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who's the Nosiest of them All?

**emmaswan:** hey

 

**emmaswan:** anyone wanna hear a joke??

 

**reginamills:** no

 

**emmaswan:** …….

 

**emmaswan:** anyone BUT regina wanna hear a joke

 

**zelena:** no

 

**emmaswan:** alright then here we go!!!!!!

 

**emmaswan:** how do you ask what a glass of water is doing????

 

**zelena:** no one cares

 

**reginamills:** that’s impossible

 

**reginamills:** a glass of water is an inanimate object making it incapable of having a thought process, or a basic understanding of the english language

 

**emmaswan:**

 

**emmaswan:** _ WATER _ YOU DOING

 

**snow:** :((( 

 

**snow:** my poor baby

 

**snow:** she gets her sense of humor from her father

 

**davidcharming:** hey!

 

**emmaswan:** now that’s just mean….

 

**davidcharming:** thank you, emma

 

**emmaswan:** i’m WAY more funnier than dad

 

**davidcharming:** oh

 

**snow:** don’t feel bad honey

 

**snow:** you have many amazing qualities

 

**snow:** your humor just isn’t one of them…..

 

**zelena:** damn, snow white is ruthless

 

**snow:** oh

 

**snow:** thanks?

 

**zelena:** anyways onto more important topics

 

**zelena:** i was thinking we should throw a halloween party!!!

 

**snow:** omg!!!!!!!!

 

**snow:** WHAT A GREAT IDEA!!!!!!

 

**snow:** i was hoping someone would bring this up in the next town meeting but

 

**snow:** it’s never too early to start!!!

 

**snow:** i actually have a planning kit hold up

 

**reginamills:** look what you did

 

**zelena:** i regretted the words as soon as i hit send

 

**emmaswan:** that’s a dumb idea

 

**snow:** hey!

 

**emmaswan:** you’ve insulted my humor mom

 

**emmaswan:** i can’t be on your side anymore

 

**snow:** wow

 

**snow:** that’s how it is

 

**snow:** anyways back to the party

 

**snow:** regina you should call for a town meeting

 

**snow:** since you’re mayor 

 

**snow:** or queen if you want to get technical

 

**reginamills:** a halloween party, you say...

 

**snow:** it could be for the whole town!!!

 

**snow:** we can have decorations, a haunted house, games

 

**snow:** omg that sounds fun, doesn’t it henry?

 

**snow:** henry????????

 

**snow:** oh right, school

 

**reginamills:** ah yes

 

**reginamills:** i’m glad at least someone else besides me in this family takes their responsibilities seriously

 

**reginamills:** seriously sometimes I wonder how this town manages not to fall apart

 

**reginamills:** i mean…

 

**reginamills:** lazy sheriffs who don’t turn in their paperwork on time

 

**reginamills:** teachers who spend too much time on their phones

 

**reginamills:** and zelena who causes property damages every other day because she’s trying to teach a toddler how to use magic

 

**zelena:** IVE DONE NO SUCH THING

 

**emmaswan:** me???? lazy?????????

 

**emmaswan:** hmmm 

 

**emmaswan:** see i would be offended…..

 

**emmaswan:** but since you just brought me a grilled cheese from granny’s

 

**emmaswan:** with a chocolate milkshake 

 

**emmaswan:** i’m gonna let it slide

 

**snow:** :O

 

**snow:** regina you brought my daughter lunch????

 

**snow:** and it wasn’t something disgustingly healthy

 

**snow:** omg maybe you do love her

 

**emmaswan:** OKAY MOM CHILL

 

**emmaswan:** sometimes we bring each other lunch

 

**emmaswan:** it’s not a big deal

 

**snow:** you don’t bring me lunch when i’m at work….?

 

**emmaswan:** yes i did…

 

**emmaswan:** that one time……

 

**snow:**

 

**emmaswan:** was that last month? huh..

 

**davidcharming:** hey 

 

**davidcharming:** why is it that you always end up bringing my daughter lunch whenever i’m out patrolling or whenever it’s my day off?????

 

**davidcharming:** now either that’s quite an uncanny coincidence

 

**davidcharming:** or this is all planned on your part so you and my daughter can have the station to yourselves…..

 

**snow:** GASP

 

**reginamills:** did she just type of the word gasp as if we could actually hear her gasping?

 

**snow:** IS THIS A DATE

 

**snow:** IS MY BABY ON A DATE AND SHE DIDN’T TELL ME???

 

**emmaswan:** oh my god MOM

 

**emmaswan:** now you’re just over analyzing everything

 

**emmaswan:** FRIENDS can bring each other lunch

 

**emmaswan:** you and ruby do it all the time and you don’t see me accusing you of going on a date with her

 

**snow:** THAT’S BECAUSE I DONT LOOK AT YOUR MOM THE WAY YOU AND REGINA LOOK AT EACH OTHER

 

**emmaswan:** uhhh

 

**emmaswan:** what

 

**_snow_ ** _ added  _ **_redruby_ ** _ to the group _

 

**zelena:** ew

 

**snow:** sorry sweetie she snatched my phone out of my hands as soon as she read your last message

 

**redruby:** oops

 

**reginamills:** ms. lucas…….

 

**reginamills:** yet another person in storybrooke who’s not doing their job..

 

**redruby:** shut up mayor hotpants

 

**redruby:** mind your own business

 

**reginamills:** for your sake ms. lucas, i’m going to pretend i didn’t read that

 

**redruby:** :P

 

**emmaswan:** hotpants???????

 

**emmaswan:** ion get it…..

 

**redruby:** yeah….

 

**reginamills:** ion???

 

**emmaswan:** yes ION

 

**reginamills:** again, i’m going to pretend i didn’t read that

 

**emmaswan:** ;))

 

**emmaswan:** wait 

 

**emmaswan:** you’re at the school, rubes???

 

**redruby:** oh yeah

 

**redruby:** i came to have lunch w/ snow 

 

**emmaswan:** GASP

 

**emmaswan:** MOM!!!!!!!!!!

 

**emmaswan:** you’RE ON A DATE WITH RUBY????

 

**davidcharming:** i can’t believe my wife, my true love is cheating on me

 

**redruby:** ……..

 

**redruby:** what did i just walk into

 

**snow:** ha ha HA

 

**snow:** very funNY 

 

**reginamills:** you added yourself…

 

**redruby:** oh right……

 

**redruby:** what was i gonna say….

 

**redruby:** hold on let me scroll up real quick to refresh my memory

 

**snow:** take your time :)))

 

**redruby:** oh right

 

**redruby:** FIRST OF ALL

 

**redruby:** HOW DARE YOU COMPARE MY FRIENDSHIP WITH SNOW TO YOUR “”””FRIENDSHIP””””” WITH REGINA

 

**reginamills:** still not reading...

 

**redruby:** SNOW AND I DO NOT PATHETICALLY YEARN FOR EACH OTHER 

 

**redruby:** i DON’T yearn

 

**redruby:** i’m OFFENDED that you would even imply that i do????

 

**emmaswan:** i don’T YEARN EITHER????

 

**emmaswan:** what am i???? 12 years old????

 

**reginamills:** well considering you have an appetite of a 12 year old, I wouldn’t be surprised

 

**emmaswan:** shhhHHHH

 

**emmaswan:** i eat healthy

 

**reginamills:** do you really, though?

 

**emmaswan:** yes

 

**emmaswan:** i do

 

**reginamills:** you say that as you dip yet another one of your french fries into your chocolate milkshake

 

**emmaswan:** today is a cheat day

 

**emmaswan:** apparently cheat days help boost metabolism and leptin production, which can slow down when you're restricting calories.

 

**snow:** wow sweetie

 

**snow:** look at you being well informed!!

 

**emmaswan:** thank you mom

 

**emmaswan:** it’s nice to be appreciated

 

**snow:** i’m proud of you <3

 

**reginamills:** don’t be too proud 

 

**reginamills:** literally just saw her copy and paste that from google

 

**emmaswan:** i still did the research :P

 

**reginamill:** hmmm

 

**reginamills:** that’s a fair point, i suppose

 

**emmaswan:** ofc it is

 

**zelena:** aw sis

 

**zelena:** you didn’t even put up a fight :’)

 

**zelena:** you’re such a good listener

 

**zelena:** just like that dog is w/ that insufferable dorthy

 

**reginamills:** ….

 

**reginamills:** did you just compare me to a dog????

 

**zelena:** it was a compliment for you 

 

**zelena:** and an insult for the dog

 

**redruby:** WEREWOLF

 

**redruby:** i am a WEREWOLF

 

**zelena:** that’s what i said

 

**redruby:** snow, hold me back

 

**snow:** i’m holding you back

 

**zelena:** touch me and i’ll send you flying across the realms 

 

**redruby:** >_<

 

**zelena:** ANYWAYS

 

**zelena:** LET’S TALK ABOUT MORE IMPORTANT THINGS

 

**zelena:** like regina’s date with malevolent

 

**reginamills:** maleficent*

 

**zelena:** yeah yeah

 

**zelena:** so where are you two going ?????????

 

**snow:** ooooo I like the direction of this conversation

 

**redruby:** suddenly, i don’t have to go back to work

 

**reginamills:** you all are so nosy 

 

**reginamills:** don’t you all have jobs to get back to

 

**snow:** i’ve got 15 mins

 

**redruby:** but this is much more interesting

 

**zelena:** i got no job

 

**zelena:** now QUIT stalling and tell us what you plan on doing for your date!

 

**reginamills:** ok first of all, it’s not a date

 

**emmaswan:** you sure about that

 

**emmaswan:** everyone else seems to be calling it that……

 

**reginamills:** well i mean as far as i know it’s not

 

**zelena:** but it could be

 

**reginamills:** it’s just drinks

 

**reginamills:** nothing romantic about that, trust me

 

**redruby:** but it COULD be

 

**reginamills:** no i don’t think so

 

**reginamills:** mal is an old friend

 

**reginamills:** like i said it’s just drinks

 

**snow:** LOL

 

**emmaswan:** are you sure you want to go though

 

**reginamills:** ???

 

**reginamills:** i don’t see why not?

 

**zelena:** why emma, do you not want regina to go???

 

**emmaswan:** i mean……..

 

**emmaswan:** it’s just cus

 

**emmaswan:** isn’t she evil?

 

**emmaswan:** and dangerous?

 

**reginamills:** evil is a little extreme word for her now

 

**reginamills:** besides, i don’t think she has any ill intentions towards me at the moment

 

**reginamills:** and even if she did, I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself

 

**emmaswan:** still

 

**emmaswan:** i could chaperone this

 

**emmaswan:** get together? 

 

**emmaswan:** just in case

 

**snow:** oooooo

 

**reginamills:** oh thank you, emma 

 

**reginamills:** but I don’t think that’s necessary

 

**emmaswan:** well i do

 

**emmaswan:** i want you to stay safe

 

**redruby:** (this is so much interesting than waiting tables)

 

**reginamills:** …

 

**reginamills:** you know just because you put it in parenthesis, doesn’t mean we can’t read it

 

**redruby:** lol

 

**reginamills:** you know what emma

 

**reginamills:** there’s a lot of nosy people in here

 

**reginamills:** i suggest we finish this conversation in person

 

**emmaswan:** i agree

 

**zelena:** WAIT NO COMEBACK

 

**snow:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

**redruby:** I-

 

**zelena:** YOU!!!

 

**zelena:** YOU RUINED IT FOR US!

 

**zelena:** AND AS A PUNISHMENT IM EXILING YOU FROM THIS GROUP CHAT

 

 ** _zelena_** _removed_ ** _redruby_** _from the group_

 

**zelena:** there we go!

 

**zelena:** much better

 

**zelena:** now, who wants to eavesdrop on their conversation using magic 

 

**snow:** you already know the answer to that ;) 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who IS the nosiest of them all?
> 
> ((Also thank you all for the comments and feedback, I really appreciate it!))


	7. Regina's (NOT) Date

**davidcharming:** uhhhhhh

 

**davidcharming:** emma

 

**davidcharming:** wasn’t it your turn to take the night shift today?

 

**emmaswan:** i called in sick

 

**davidcharming:** ????

 

**davidcharming:** but you looked fine this morning?

 

**snow:** OUR DAUGHTER IS SICK DAVID SO SHE WILL NOT BE GOING TO WORK

 

**davidcharming:** i-

 

**davidcharming:** but who will cover the night shift then?

 

**emmaswan:** don’t worry dad

 

**emmaswan:** i talked with mulan and she was 100% cool with covering my shift

 

**emmaswan:** see i came prepared

 

**davidcharming:** hmmmmmm

 

**davidcharming:** ok i won’t question it

 

**davidcharming:** mostly because i’m ready to call it a night and head home

 

**davidcharming:** btw what’s for dinner snow? I’m starving!

 

**snow:** oh um…..

 

**snow:** about that

 

**snow:** zelena thought it would be a good idea for her, robyn, neal, and I to have some mother-child bonding time

 

**snow:** so she invited us to dinner!

 

**snow:** don’t worry honey, we ordered a pizza for you! It should arrive by the time you get home!

 

**davidcharming:** hmmmmmmm

 

**davidcharming:** okay thanks, i guess it’s just me and emma tonight then?

 

**emmaswan:** oh um….

 

**emmaswan:** i’m not home either

 

**davidcharming:** but i thought you were sick????

 

**emmaswan:** RIGHT

 

**emmaswan:** and since i’m such a good daughter and big sister….

 

**emmaswan:** i didn’t want to get you two or neal sick so i went to see whale………. 

 

**emmaswan:** since he’s a doctor and all

 

**zelena:** not a good one

 

**davidcharming:** mhm…

 

**davidcharming:** wasn’t regina’s date with mal today too?

 

**davidcharming:** what a coincidence…

 

**emmaswan:** it’s not a date….

 

**zelena:** oh was that today???

 

**zelena:** it completely slipped my mind

 

**snow:** LOL I COMPLETELY FORGOT AS WELL

 

**davidcharming:** mhm

 

**davidcharming:** so you’re telling me that if i were to pass by the rabbit hole right now, that i will not see you two hiding behind a menu, while spying on regina’s date?

 

**emmaswan:** (not a date).

 

**snow:** O.o

 

**snow:** no…

 

**zelena:** not with these disguises you won’t

 

**davidcharming:** ….

 

**davidcharming:** you do realize you just exposed yourselves right

 

**snow:** wow

 

**snow:** and you said i’m supposed to be the ‘dumb one’

 

**zelena:** oh shut up you act like he wasn’t already on to us

 

**emmaswan:** wow..

 

**emmaswan:** you two really are out here spying on regina’s night out with her friend smh

 

**emmaswan:** don’t you losers have something better to do lol

 

**zelena:** shut up swan you’re literally sitting right next your poorly dressed mother right now

 

**snow:** HEY!!!!

 

**zelena:** YOU’RE WEARING A SWEATER TO A BAR

 

**snow:** IT’S CHILLY IN HERE

 

**zelena:** OKAY GRANDMA

 

**snow:** GASP

 

**snow:** I AM THE SAME AGE AS MY DAUGHTER THANK YOU VERY MUCH

 

**emmaswan:** tru

 

**emmaswan:** plus you’re older than us zelena…. like a lot older lol

 

**zelena:** i can’t stand you

 

**emmaswan:** oops

 

**davidcharming:** wow

 

**davidcharming:** i really am the only mature one in this family

 

**emmaswan:** you say that as if you don’t always get up to dance whenever the pokemon theme song comes on tv

 

**davidcharming:** i do it for neal

 

**davidcharming:** he thinks it’s funny

 

**emmaswan:** sure

 

**henrymills:** if anything, i’m the most mature one in the family

 

**henrymills:** wow im the youngest one in here yet i’m the most mature one 

 

**henrymills:** LOL

 

**emmaswan:** lmaoooooooo ok

 

**davidcharming:** henry hey, i was just about to ask about you

 

**davidcharming:** you spying on your mom’s date too?

 

**emmaswan:** ??? i literally just said it’s not a date???

 

**emmaswan:** regina even said so???

 

**davidcharming:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯    
  


**henrymills:** no 

 

**henrymills:** a mature person like me doesn’t need to spy on their mother’s date cus i could always ask her tomorrow when I see her

 

**zelena:** you all bloody text too much

 

**zelena:** IM TRYING TO CONCENTRATE ON THEIR LIPS SO I CAN READ WHAT THEYRE SAYING

 

**snow:** OHHHH I HEAR LAUGHTER

 

**davidcharming:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**davidcharming:** what they saying

 

**emmaswan:** ew that face stop dad pls

 

**zelena:** ooooooooo

 

**zelena:** regina just told malevolent how ‘lovely’ it is to see her

 

**snow:** (¬‿¬)

 

**emmaswan:** so????

 

**emmaswan:** people say that to people all the time

 

**emmaswan:** it’s called being POLITE

 

**zelena:** hm i don’t think so…

 

**zelena:** no one has ever told me that it’s ‘lovely’ to see me so…

 

**emmaswan:** BECAUSE IT’S NEVER LOVELY TO SEE YOU

 

**snow:** O_O

 

**snow:** DAVID ZELENA JUST THREW A PIE AT OUR DAUGHTER’S FACE

 

**snow:** WHERE DID SHE EVEN GET A PIE FROM????

 

**henrymills:** LMAOOOOO

 

**henrymills:** IM SORRY MA BUT PLS TAKE A PICTURE OF THAT GRAMS

 

**snow:** THE KIDS WONT STOP LAUGHING

 

**snow:** OMG EMMA JUST THREW HER WINE AT ZELENA

 

**henrymills:** FORGET A PICTURE TAKE A WHOLE VIDEO OF THIS

 

**snow:** STOP IT GUYS YOU’RE GOING TO BLOW OUR COVER

 

**davidcharming:** like i said

 

**davidcharming:** i’m the most mature one in the family

 

**davidcharming:** i rest my case

 

**snow:** OKAY I JUST STOPPED ZELENA FROM THROWING A FIREBALL AT EMMA WE’RE COOL NOW   
  


**snow:** and so far regina still doesn’t seem to have noticed us

 

**snow:** wow either we weren’t as loud as I thought

 

**snow:** or regina is really into her date that she didn’t notice

 

**emmaswan:** HER NOT* DATE********

 

**emmaswan:** and ew i have pie all up inside my nose

 

**emmaswan:** i mean i love pie BUT NOT THIS MUCH

 

**zelena:** NEXT TIME IM SHOVING THAT PIE UP SOMEWHERE ELSE

 

**emmaswan:** SHUT UP PINHEAD

 

**zelena:** pinhead????

 

**snow:** PUT THAT FIREBALL AWAY ZELENA THERE ARE CHILDREN PRESENT

 

**zelena:** fine

 

**zelena:** but only because i want to 

 

**_rumple_ ** _ has been added to the group _ __   
  


**rumple:** you three have five seconds to leave the bar before i personally escort you out

 

**rumple:** and by escort, I mean throwing you out with my magic of course

 

**snow:** i-

 

**snow:** STOP DROPPING IN UNANNOUNCED 

 

  
  


**snow:** it’s so invasive

 

**snow:** if you want to be in the group chat i could just add you, you know…..

 

**zelena:** i know you old hag, get a life 

 

**rumple:** say the women that are out here spying on regina’s date…

 

**snow:** WE’RE NOT SPYING

 

**snow:** ZELENA AND I ARE JUST HAVING A MOTHER’S NIGHT OUT WITH OUR CHILDREN

 

**rumple:** well frankly, I don’t care what you lot of charmings and witches are up to

 

**rumple:** all i know is that you three are being loud and disruptive 

 

**rumple:** and you’re ruining my date with my wife

 

**snow:** omg you’re on a date…….

 

**snow:** OMG TELL BELLE I SAID HI

 

**snow:** TELL HER I MISS MY BEER PONG BUDDY

 

**rumple:** no

 

**rumple:** you can tell her yourself when we are not out on a date

 

**rumple:** now shut up or get out

 

**emmaswan:** lol you can’t tell us what to do

 

**emmaswan:** you don’t own the place

 

**rumple:** actually, i do

 

**emmaswan:** hm

 

**emmaswan:** i don’t see your name on it

 

**rumple:** really Ms. Swan….

 

**rumple:** even my grandson is more mature than this

 

**henrymills:** I TOLD YOU

 

**zelena:** OKAY RUMPLE WE GET IT YOU’RE OLD AND YOUR EARS ARE SENSITIVE WE’LL BE QUIET

 

**zelena:** NOW LEAVE US ALONE WE’RE TRYING TO SPY ON MY SISTER’S DATE

 

**rumple:** 1\. Be glad that I’m having a much too good of a time on my date with Belle, if not your hand would’ve gone missing again

 

**rumple:** 2\. You do know that eventually, regina’s going to turn her phone back on again and she’s going to read all of these messages right?

 

**emmaswan:** i-

 

**snow:** O_o

 

**zelena:** um…

 

**zelena:** what i meant to say was

 

**zelena:** NOW LEAVE US ALONE WE’RE TRYING TO ENJOY OUR MOTHER’S NIGHT OUT WITH OUR CHILDREN

 

**zelena:** hopefully she won’t scroll up too much 

 

**rumple:** nice save idiots…

 

**zelena:** shut up

 

**zelena:** if you’re not going to contribute anything interesting to this conversation then stop texting!!!!

 

**zelena:** go back to your date with the bookworm

 

**zelena:** before you even think about stealing my hand again though, remember that i call her bookworm out of the love from my tiny heart

 

**rumple:** mhm

 

**rumple:** like I said, only because I’m having a good time on my date…

 

**_rumple_ ** _ has left the chat _

 

**zelena:** FINALLY

 

**zelena:** now let’s focus on the real action

 

**zelena:** if you ladies know what I mean….

 

**snow:** uh yeah

 

**snow:** mother’s night out…

 

**emmaswan:** sure

 

**henrymills:** lol just say you’re spying on mom’s date

 

**zelena:** let’s just kick her out of the conversation and she’ll never know

 

**snow:** NOOOOOO   
  


**snow:** it took me so long to get her to agree to be apart of this 

 

**snow:** I WILL NOT THROW AWAY ALL OF MY HARD WORK JUST LIKE THAT

 

**emma:** damn okay

 

**davidcharming:** not that i’m encouraging this but

 

**davidcharming:** you three are doing a lot more texting that you are spying…

 

**zelena:** turns out you charmings are no fun to spy with

 

**zelena:** WAIT SHUT UP SHUT UP THE BLONDE IS LEANING IN SHE’S LEANING IN

 

**emmaswan:** WHAT

 

**snow:** AHHH

 

**davidcharming:** what happened??????

 

**zelena:** oh nvm

 

**zelena:** it was just a hug lol

 

**zelena:** BORINGGGGGGGGGG

 

**snow:** dang it zelena, i thought something exciting was about to happen

 

**zelena:** sorry, sometimes i forget how boring my little sister is…..

 

**emmaswan:** oh shit

 

**snow:** EMMA LANGUAGE!!

 

**zelena:** snow your daughter looks like she’s just seen a ghost

 

**snow:** emma, sweetie are you alright???

 

**emmaswan:** LOOK UP

 

**snow:** ???

 

**zelena:** oh it’s regina..

 

**davidcharming:** so?

 

**snow:** SHE’S LOOKING RIGHT AT US!!!

 

**zelena:** ABORT ABORT ABORT

 

**emmaswan:** WHY ARE WE STILL SITTING HERE???

 

**snow:** IDK YOU TWO ARE THE ONES WITH MAGIC SOMEONE GET US OUT OF HERE

 

**zelena:** OH NO SHE’S HEADING THIS WAY

 

**snow:** sHE LOOKS MAD

 

**zelena:** LOL IM GETTING OUT OF HERE

 

**zelena:** GRAB ON CHARMINGS OR IM LEAVING YOU HERE

  
  


******

 

**reginamills:** hello creepy family of mine who spent the entire night stalking and talking about me

 

**snow:** lol that rhymes

 

**emmaswan:** well not the  _ entire  _ night…..

 

**henrymills:** btw i haven’t left nick’s house since you dropped me off mom

 

**reginamills:** well i’m glad someone respects my privacy

 

**henrymills:** :)

 

**davidcharming:** hey! i didn’t spend the entire night spying on your date

 

**reginamills:** that didn’t seem stop you from being nosy and from asking what was going on the entire night

 

**reginamills:** and really snow?? zelena??? ‘Mother’s night’ ??? in a bar??? With your very underage children???

 

**snow:** it was zelena’s idea

 

**zelena:** MY BRILLIANT IDEA THAT YOU AGREED TO BE A PART OF???

 

**emmaswan:** just wanna point out that i wasn’t apart of the plan originally

 

**emmaswan:** they um basically dragged me there

 

**zelena:** YOU BIG LIAR

 

**snow:** emma lying is august’s thing not yours

 

**reginamills:** oh is that so?

 

**reginamills:** did they also make you call in ‘sick’ and contact mulan to cover your shift???

 

**emmaswan:** ……...yes

 

**zelena:** SNOW CHARMING, ONE OF YOU HOLD MY BABY IM ABOUT TO SWING AT YOUR LIAR OF A DAUGHTER

 

**davidcharming:** we’re not even in the same place as you ????

 

**reginamills:** emma…

 

**emmaswan:** regina

 

**reginamills:** i expected this from your mother and my sister, but you??? Really???

 

**reginamills:** missing work to participate in snow and zelena’s foolish schemes???

 

**zelena:** foolish????

 

**zelena:** im OFFENDED

 

**snow:** shhhh

 

**emmaswan:** well yeah…

 

**reginamills:** emma...

 

**emmaswan:** i was worried okay

 

**emmaswan:** i was worried that you were in some kind of danger

 

**emmaswan:** and i wanted to be there just in case something went wrong

 

**emmaswan:** because i care about you and you know i always got your back

 

**reginamills:** oh emma

 

**reginamill:** i… don’t know what to say

 

**emmaswan:** you don’t have to say anything really

 

**emmaswan:** i’m just glad that i was wrong

 

**emmaswan:** and that you’re okay

 

**emmaswan:** sorry for spying on you and invading your privacy like that

 

**emmaswan:** but it seems like you had fun on your night out

 

**reginamills:** oh um

 

**reginamills:** yes, i suppose i did

 

**reginamills:** thank you

 

**emmaswan:** i’m glad you had fun

 

**reginamills:** thank you, emma

 

**emmaswan:** you just said that

 

**reginamills:** for caring i mean

 

**reginamills:** thank you for caring 

 

**reginamills:** it means a lot

 

**emmaswan:** yeah, well it’s like i said

 

**emmaswan:** i have your back

 

**reginamills:** i know

 

**emmaswan:** well it’s late

 

**emmaswan:** i should probably head to sleep

 

**emmaswan:** i have an early shift tomorrow

 

**reginamills:** it’s saturday? i thought your shift didn’t start until noon?

 

**emmaswan:** i know

 

**emmaswan:** but i have a shift to make up for

 

**reginamills:** oh okay

 

**emmaswan:** good night

 

**reginamills:** good night emma

 

**zelena:** lol they forgot we were in here too

 

**emmaswan:** i hope you have a terrible night btw

 

**zelena:** likewise

 

**emmaswan:** anyways good night mom, dad, henry love you <333

 

**snow:** good night sweetie <3

 

**davidcharming:** night kiddo, i’m proud of you

 

**henrymills:** love you ma

 

**emmaswan:** love you more

 

**zelena:** well i think we should ALL call it a night

 

**snow:** i AGREE

 

**reginamills:** oh you two better hope we don’t see each other tomorrow

 

**snow:** rip

 

**zelena:** should i start working on a potion to wipe her memory or….?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> emma really left regina speechless, i love my endgame


	8. Missing Apples Part 1

**snow:** um..

 

**snow:** can someone tell me why i just walked into regina throwing stuff around her kitchen

 

**snow:** that is so un-regina like!!!!

 

**zelena:** sounds fun

 

**snow:** oh she looks mad

 

**snow:** i was just gonna compliment her on how well this halloween party turned out but nvm!!!

 

**snow:** im leaving before she throws a fireball at me

 

**zelena:** lol i’d love to see that

 

**henrymills:** why did i just see grandma run out the kitchen???

 

**henrymills:** oh nvm

 

**zelena:** btw i wonder what’s got my sister dearest so angry?

 

**zelena:** regina???

 

**reginamills:** MS SWAN!!!!!!

 

**zelena:** ah 

 

**zelena:** that makes sense

 

**emmaswan:** oh shit

 

**snow:** language!!!!

 

**henrymills:** ooo ma got in trouble

 

 **davidcharming:** omg honey, what did you do?

 

**emmaswan:** I SWEAR I DIDNT DO IT

 

**reginamills:** don’t play innocent

 

**reginamills:** i know it was you!!!

 

**emmaswan:** I DID NOT ACCIDENTALLY MAGIC A SWARM OF DOVES INTO YOUR OFFICE EARLIER THIS WEEK

 

**reginamills:** I KNOW YOU STOLE MY APPLES FROM THE KITCHEN COUNTER

 

**emmaswan:** huh???

 

**reginamills:** what???

 

**zelena:** awkward

 

**snow:** huh, i knew i wasn’t imagining things when i saw those doves fly out of her office window

 

**reginamills:** that was you????

 

**reginamills:** i thought it was snow playing a dumb prank on me

 

**emmaswan:** IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

 

**snow:** hey!!!

 

**snow:** why was i the first on your suspect list????

 

**zelena:** yeah, you’re giving her too much credit

 

**snow:** what’s that supposed to mean!!!

 

 **snow:** >:(

 

**zelena:** that you’re too dense and nice to pull off a prank

 

**snow:** aw, you think i’m nice <3

 

**zelena:** and dumb

 

**snow:** i only read ‘nice’

 

**henrymills:** wait, why did you magic a swarm of doves into mom’s office in the first place??

 

**snow:** oh yeah, why did you emma????

 

**snow:** ( ⚆ _ ⚆ )( ⚆ _ ⚆ )( ⚆ _ ⚆ )

 

**emmaswan:** ew mom pls stop w the keyboard emojis

 

**snow:** (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง

 

**emmaswan:** and it was an accident!!!

 

**henrymills:** ok but like how did that accident happen

 

**reginamills:** that’s something i would like to know as well, ms. swan

 

**zelena:** me three!

 

**emmaswan:** i was practicing a spell….

 

**reginamills:** a spell???

 

**reginamills:** for what??? 

 

**emmaswan:** ……..

 

**emmaswan:** reasons….

 

**emmaswan:** but the point is that sending them to your office was an accident!!!

 

**emmaswan:** and im sorry :((((((

 

**reginamills:** hmmm

 

**davidcharming:** well that’s one mystery solved

 

**davidcharming:** what were you saying about apples, regina?

 

**reginamills:** oh right

 

**reginamills:** ms. swan!!!!

 

**reginamills:** i know you stole my apples!!!

 

**emmaswan:** WHAT???? 

 

**emmaswan:** what apples??????

 

**reginamills:** don’t play dumb

 

**reginamills:** you know exactly what apples i’m talking about

 

**emmaswan:** i ??? don’t ????

 

**reginamills:** the apple candies i had on my kitchen counter for the children at the halloween party!!!!

 

**reginamills:** i told your brother i was going to get him one and i walk into my kitchen and my apple candies are gone????

 

**emmaswan:** and what makes you think i stole them?????

 

**reginamills:** because you’re always abusing my apple tree!!!

 

**emmaswan:** abusing????

 

**reginamills:** that time you cut off one of the branches???

 

**reginamills:** with a chainsaw

 

**emmaswan:** ONE (1) TIME

 

**reginamills:** or how about that time when you and henry were playing kickball in our backyard and you hit my tree with the ball???

 

**emmaswan:** again

 

**emmaswan:** ONE (1) TIME!!!

 

**emmaswan:** i can’t believe i’m being accused of stealing children’s candy smh

 

**emmaswan:** i’m OFFENDED

 

**reginamills:** well who else could it have been??

 

**emmaswan:** henry

 

**henrymills:** really ma

 

**henrymills:** now, why would i steal from my own mother when i could just ask her for one and she would give it to me??

 

**emmaswan:** hmmm 

 

**emmaswan:** ok then maybe it was mom

 

**snow:** oh??

 

**snow:** yeah,,,, apples really aren’t my kind of fruit

 

**emmaswan:** it was zelena

 

**zelena:** me?????

 

**zelena:** why would i steal from my own sister?????

 

**emmaswan:** i mean you’ve done it before

 

**davidcharming:** she has a point

 

**zelena:** shut up charmings

 

**zelena:** regina, i didn’t steal your candy apples

 

**zelena:** for one, i don’t even like apples

 

**zelena:** i prefer kiwi actually

 

**emmaswan:** we didn’t ask

 

**zelena:** shut up savior 

 

**zelena:** nobody asked you to show up for breakfast this morning but you did anyways 

 

**emmaswan:** -_-

 

**snow:** didn’t you tell me to stop using keyboard emojis???

 

**emmaswan:** yeah bc it’s cringey when you do it

 

**snow:** ಠ~ಠ

 

**emmaswan:** pls stop

 

**reginamills:** hello!!!

 

**reginamills:** my candy apples are still missing!!!

 

**zelena:** right

 

**zelena:** as i was saying

 

**zelena:** i didn’t take them

 

**reginamills:** well then, who did?!?!?!

 

**snow:** hmmm

 

**snow:** i think this calls for an investigation

 

**snow:** a HALLOWEEN INVESTIGATION OMG HOW FUN

 

**snow:** (¬‿¬) (¬‿¬) (¬‿¬)

 

**emmaswan:** ….

 

**zelena:** oooo does this mean i get to interrogate these idiots????

 

**zelena:** that does sound  _ fun… _

 

**reginamills:** zelena…

 

**reginamills:** you’re not going to start throwing fireballs at random people in my house

 

**zelena:** such little faith you have in me regina, i’m hurt

 

**regina:** zelea

 

**zelena:** IM KIDDING 

 

**zelena:** i promise not to be  _ too  _ violent

 

**reginamills:** ….

 

**zelena:** ITS A JOKE SIS CHILL

 

**reginamills:** just find my candy apples before neal gets upset

 

**snow:** aw david, regina loves our children :’)

 

**davidcharming:** how heartwarming

 

**reginamills:** go!!!!

 

**snow:** roger that!!!

 

**reginamills:** oh lord

 

.

 

.

 

**_snow_ ** _ has created the group chat  _ **_bad disney b*tches_ **

 

**_snow_ ** _ has added  _ **_beautybelle, warrior123,_ ** _ and 3 others to  _ **_bad disney b*tches_ **

 

**snow:** hey ladies, sorry to bother!!!

 

**snow:** but i have an important question

 

**beautybelle:** hey snow….

 

**beautybelle:** interesting chat name by the way…

 

**snow:** oh thanks!!!

 

**snow:** had to censor myself tho because neal is on my lap and i don’t want him saying curse words at such a young age

 

**cinderellaaa:** hey snow, sorry we couldn’t make it to regina’s halloween party

 

**cinderellaaa:** sean and i are out celebrating with our beautiful girl 

 

**snow:** omg!! sounds fun!!!

 

**snow:** can’t wait to see pics of little alexandra and her costume on instagram!!!

 

**cinderellaaa:** they’ll be up soon!!!

 

**snow:** yay!!!

 

**sleepnbeauty:** btw snow love your couples costumes w david

 

**sleepnbeauty:** you two look adorable!!!

 

**lilmermaid:** totally!! 

 

**lilmermaid:** that puzzle costume is super cute!!!

 

**snow:** omg thanks!!!

 

**snow:** aurora you and phillip jr look so cute dressed up as milk and cookies

 

**snow:** and ariel love the mario and luigi costumes as well

 

**snow:** you guys are so creative omg!!!

 

**warrior123:** um so

 

**warrior123:** what was your question, snow?

 

**snow:** right!!!

 

**snow:** sorry mulan, i forgot you were patrolling let me make this quick

 

**snow:** did any of you, by any chance 

 

**snow:** happen to take regina’s candy apples from her kitchen???

 

**snow:** she worked really hard on them and can’t find them anywhere!!

 

**cinderellaaa:** nope

 

**beautybelle:** rumple and i haven’t even arrived at the party yet so no :////

 

**lilmermaid:** we haven’t seen any candy apples

 

**lilmermaid:** sorry snow

 

**sleepnbeauty:** same, i havent seen anything

 

**warrior123:** i’ve been patrolling the streets and haven’t seen anyone walking around with candy apples

 

**snow:** dang it!!!

 

**snow:** well, thanks anyways ladies

 

**snow:** i’ll talk to you girls another time, right now i have a mystery to solve

 

**snow:** bye!!!

 

**_snow_ ** _ has left the chat _

 

**warrior123:** ….

 

**warrior123:** did she just leave a chat that she created???

 

**beautybelle:** seems like it

 

**warrior123:** wow

 

**sleepnbeauty:** hi mulan

 

**sleepnbeauty:** i didn’t recognize your user for a moment lol

 

**sleepnbeauty:** how have you been???

 

**warrior123:** aurora

 

**warrior123:** hi

 

**warrior123:** i’ve been well

 

**sleepnbeauty:** phillip and i have missed you!!

 

**sleepnbeauty:** we need to have a reunion asap!!!

 

**warrior123:** totally

 

**warrior123:** but uh i can’t really talk right now, aurora

 

**warrior123:** it’s halloween and well, i’m supposed to be patrolling the streets

 

**sleepnbeauty:** right, of course

 

**sleepnbeauty:** i’ll let you get back to that

 

**sleepnbeauty:** it was good to hear from you though!

 

**warrior123:** likewise

 

**warrior123:** have a safe night, aurora

 

**sleepnbeauty:** you too <3

 

**_warrior123_ ** _ has left the chat _

 

**.**

**.**

 

**_zelena_ ** _ has created the chat  _ **_alright, which one of you idiots did it?!?!_ **

 

**_zelena_ ** _ added _ **_rumple, beautybelle,_ ** _ and 3 others to  _ **_alright, which one of you idiots did it?!?!_ **

 

**zelena:** alright!!!

 

**zelena:** which one of you uglies stole my little sister’s candy apples?!?!

 

**zelena:** was it you and the bookworm, old hag???

 

**rumple:** what the hell are you yapping about now??

 

**beautybelle:** zelena, i literally just finished talking to snow about this

 

**beautybelle:** rumple and i had nothing to do with regina’s missing apple candies

 

**beautybelle:** we’re not even at the party yet

 

**rumple:** not to mention that i have much better things to be doing than pulling a stupid prank on regina

 

**rumple:** like escorting my beautiful wife to tonight’s halloween ball, for instance

 

**beautybelle:** aw, rumple <3

 

**zelena:** ew

 

**zelena:** and it’s not a ball!!!

 

**zelena:** it’s a PARTY 

 

**zelena:** something i’m not sure your old, wobbly legs will be able to handle

 

**rumple:** is my age the only thing you can poke fun at or are you too stupid to come up with something new?

 

**zelena:** my grandpa jokes are hilarious tyvm

 

**zelena:** you just have no sense of humor

 

**zelena:** must be the dying brain cells

 

**rumple:** i don’t think i’m the one with the dying brain cells, dearie

 

**rumple:** besides, i can always revive my brain cells with a snap of my fingers, there isn’t enough magic in the world to help that face of yours, dearie

 

**beautybelle:** is this a fight between two middle schoolers or 

 

**granny:** that’s what i was gonna ask

 

**granny:** even ruby’s more mature than you two 

 

**redruby:** aw thanks granny

 

**granny:** (and that’s saying a lot)

 

**redruby:** wow

 

**zelena:** ew

 

**beautybelle:** what

 

**zelena:** i forgot i added dorothy and toto onto this chat

 

**redruby:** first of all,,, i’m a WEREWOLF not a dog!!!!!!

 

**redruby:** and secod of all

 

**redruby:** fuck you

 

**zelena:** shut up toto i’m trying to think here

 

**dorothy:** zelena

 

**dorothy:** it’s always such a  _ pleasure _ to hear from you

 

**zelena:** i know it is

 

**zelena:** but anyways back on topic

 

**zelena:** which one of you stole my sister’s apple candies!!!

 

**zelena:** was it you toto??? I know dogs tend to steal food from the kitchen when no one’s watching

 

**redruby:** i’m gonna hurt her

 

**dorothy:** and i’m gonna sit back and watch as you do

 

**redruby:** i love a supportive gf <3

 

**granny:** Fiancée***

 

**redruby:** i love a supportive fiancée <3

 

**zelena:** ew

 

**redruby:** shut up green bitch

 

**zelena:** wow dorothy, your dog is so rude

 

**zelena:** you need to train her more if you’re going to let her off her leash

 

**redruby:** i really am gonna hurt you the next time i see you

 

**zelena:** lay a paw on me, i dare you   
  


**beautybelle:** you know, zelena, you could try being nicer

 

**zelena:** nicer???

 

**zelena:** idk that word

 

**zelena:** is that a halloween candy or

 

**rumple:** well, this is a clearly a waste of time

 

**rumple:** belle, dear, we should save our energy for the party

 

**beautybelle:** in a minute, love

 

**beautybelle:** you know zelena, it wouldn’t kill you to be a little nicer

 

**zelena:** yes it would

 

**beautybelle:** don’t be so dramatic

 

**beautybelle:** i’ve seen you be nice to henry and robyn

 

**beautybelle:** even towards regina sometimes

 

**zelena:** is there a point you’re trying to make or

 

**beautybelle:** yes!!!

 

**beautybelle:** i want you to be nicer!!!

 

**zelena:** yeah, well everyone wants something

 

**zelena:** that doesn’t mean they’ll always get what they want though

 

**redruby:** don’t waste your time, belle

 

**redruby:** it’s zelena we’re talking about

 

**redruby:** being an ass comes as naturally to her as breathing does

 

**redruby:** i bet she wouldn’t be able to go a whole three days without being a total douche bag

 

**dorothy:** truthfully, i don’t think she can go a whole twenty seconds without being mean

 

**zelena:** oh is that a challenge????

 

**redruby:** one you wouldn’t be able to win

 

**zelena:** oh is that so???

 

**zelena:** well in that case, i bet i could go a WHOLE WEEK without being mean to you peasants

 

**redruby:** please

 

**redruby:** you’d lose in a second

 

**zelena:** no i won’t

 

**redruby:** and if you do, then what???

 

**zelena:** i’ll do whatever you want for a whole 24 hrs

 

**redruby:** hmmmm whatever i want, you say???

 

**redruby:** ok i like the sound of that

 

**zelena:** ah, ah, ah

 

**zelena:** but if i win

 

**zelena:** you and your fiancée have to be my personal maids for 24 hrs

 

**redruby:** oh, you’re so on

 

**redruby:** there’s no way we’ll lose

 

**zelena:** we’ll see about that, toto

 

**dorothy:** i-

 

**redruby:** not even one second in??

 

**zelena:** starting now

 

**redruby:** fine

 

**redruby:** just bc it’s halloween

 

**beautybelle:** this is not how i was expecting this conversation to go…

 

**rumple:** well, my money’s on ruby and dorothy

 

**granny:** same

 

**zelena:** just you wait, i’m about to prove all of you 

 

**zelena:** _ beautiful people _

 

**zelena:** wrong

 

**redruby:** mhm

 

**zelena:** i caught myself there

 

**zelena:** anyways, i have to go back to looking for regina’s candy apples so

 

**dorothy:** wait

 

**zelena:** what

 

**dorothy:** i think i just saw regina sneak out the back door with a basket of apples

 

**zelena:** what??? 

 

**zelena:** i literally just saw her and emma walk past me

 

**dorothy:** nope, i’m pretty sure i just saw her walk out the door

 

**redruby:** dorothy’s right

 

**redruby:** i think i saw her too

 

**dorothy:** she’s dressed as the evil queen, right???

 

**zelena:** oh no

 

**zelena:** gtg!!!!!!!!

 

.

 

.

 

**reginamills:** for the LAST TIME snow

 

**reginamills:** i did not accidentally throw the apples out this morning while i was throwing out the trash

 

**reginamills:** i think i would’ve noticed if i had

 

**emmaswan:** she’s right mom, i was with her this morning

 

**emmaswan:** she didn’t throw them out

 

**snow:** oh you were with regina this morning

 

**snow:** interesting

 

**snow:** ༼ʘ̚ل͜ʘ̚༽༼ʘ̚ل͜ʘ̚༽༼ʘ̚ل͜ʘ̚༽

 

**emmaswan:** omg

 

**emmaswan:** FOR BREAKFAST MOM

 

**emmaswan:** LIKE IT WAS MENTIONED EARLIER

 

**snow:** I WAS JUST MAKING A COMMENT EMMA

 

**emmaswan:** sure

 

**zelena:** REGINA!!!!

 

**zelena:** WHAT ARE YOU WEARING

 

**reginamills:** what do you mean what am i wearing????

 

**zelena:** JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION

 

**zelena:** ITS IMPORTANT

 

**emmaswan:** she’s still wearing her wonder woman costume

 

**emmaswan:** which by the way

 

**emmaswan:** you look great in :))))

 

**reginamills:** oh, why thank you emma

 

**reginamills:** you don’t look bad yourself dressed as red devil

 

**emmaswan:** thanks :))))

 

**snow:** (¬‿¬) (¬‿¬) (¬‿¬)

 

**emmaswan:** i found it funny, y’know

 

**emmaswan:** a devil is the opposite of the savior

 

**emmaswan:** and all

 

**zelena:** ok as painfully ann-

 

**zelena:** i mean adorable

 

**zelena:** as this is

 

**zelena:** I THINK WE MIGHT HAVE AN UNEXPECTED VISITOR REGINA

 

**zelena:** who most likely stole your candy apples according to ruby

 

**snow:** GASP

 

**zelena:** what

 

**snow:** you actually called her by her first name????

 

**snow:** is this a halloween miracle???

 

**zelena:** ITS A LONG STORY OKAY

 

**reginamills:** what do you mean ‘unexpected visitor’ 

 

**reginamills:** zelena what’s going on

 

**_evilalwayswins_ ** _ has been added to the group _

 

**snow:** what the

 

**evilalwayswins:** surprise bitches, i bet you thought you’d seen the last of me

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rebecca Mader and Bobby are both very beautiful people btw
> 
> Hey everyone, sorry for a late update- life has been really busy, but I'm glad you all enjoyed the last chapter. Thank you all for the feedback and I hope you enjoy today's update!!!
> 
> (please excuse any grammatical errors, i didn't proofread this)


	9. Missing Apples Part 2

**snow:** HUH

 

**snow:** what

 

**davidcharming:** why

 

**snow:** i

 

**snow:** how

 

**emmaswan:** what the fuck

 

**evilalwayswins:** you seem surprised dear

 

**evilalwayswins:** did you all really think you had seen the last of me?

 

**reginamills:** you

 

**evilalwayswins:** me

 

**reginamills:** why are you back

 

**zelena:** most importantly

 

**zelena:** what is this “evilalwayswins” username

 

**zelena:** if i wasn’t in the middle of a bloody bet i would’ve come at you for plagiarism!!!

 

**evilalwayswins:** oh hey big sis

 

**evilalwayswins:** how are you

 

**zelena:** how am i???

 

**zelena:** YOU’RE STEALING MY LIFE MOTTO 

 

**zelena:** AND I CANT DO ANYTHING OR SAY ANYTHING MEAN AS A RESULT

 

**zelena:** IM ANNOYED 

 

**snow:** not that im complaining but why cant you say anything mean

 

**zelena:** ……..i made a bet

 

**zelena:** w/ r*by and d*rothy

 

**zelena:** im trying to prove that i can be nice for a whole week

 

**zelena:** they’ll serve as my servants if i win

 

**emmaswan:** so what you’re saying is

 

**emmaswan:** i can say whatever i want to you and you can’t do anything about it?

 

**zelena:** no

 

**emmaswan:** hmmm

 

**zelena:** if you dare…

 

**emmaswan:** what???

 

**zelena:** …..

 

**zelena:** tHIS IS SO HARD WHY DID I BLOODY AGREE TO THIS

 

**evilalwayswins:** …….

 

**evilalwayswins:** you’re stupid

 

**zelena:** just ignore it just ignore it

 

**reginamills:** you didn’t answer my question

 

**reginamills:** why are you back

 

**evilalwayswins:** regina, i’m hurt…

 

**evilalwayswins:** after everything that’s happened between us, you still hold such hostility towards me?

 

**reginamills:** yes

 

**reginamills:** for one, you stole MY candy apples

 

**emmaswan:** there’s also the fact that she’s here, very much alive

 

**emmaswan:** how

 

**reginamills:** that’s what i would like to know

 

**evilalwayswins:** gee 

 

**evilalwayswins:** and here i thought you would be glad that i survived

 

**zelena:** omg i’m about to snap

 

**_zelena_ ** _ changed _ **_evilsalwayswins’_ ** _ name to  _ **_wickedalwayswins_ **

 

**zelena:** there much better

 

**wickedalwayswins:** wow

 

**wickedalwayswins:** i’m really feeling the love here

 

**_wickedalwayswins_ ** _ changed their name to  _ **oneandonly**

 

**zelena:** hm

 

**zelena:** your previous name was better

 

**snow:** ok so is anyone going to explain what’s going on

 

**snow:** cus i’m confused

 

**davidcharming:** same

 

**davidcharming:** for one how does regina 2.0. even know how to work a cell phone???????

 

**oneandonly:** 2.0???

 

**oneandonly:** oh honey, i’m WAY better than a 2

 

**oneandonly:** you, out of everyone, should know that….

 

**snow:** uhhhhhh

 

**snow:** WHAT

 

**emmaswan:** THE FUCK???

 

**zelena:** LMAOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOO 

 

**snow:** REGINA WHAT IS YOUR POSSIBLY STILL EVIL DOPPELGANGER TALKING ABOUT

 

**emmaswan:** THATS WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW AS WELL

 

**snow:** DAVID?????

 

**zelena:** IS SHE IMPLYING WHAT I THINK SHE’S IMPLYING???

 

**snow:** FOR THE SAKE OF MY SANITY I HOPE SHE’S NOT

 

**emmaswan:** i am disturbed

 

**emmaswan:** regina pls tell me that you did not hook up w my dad during the first curse

 

**snow:** U_U

 

**davidcharming:** WHAT

 

**davidcharming:** NO!!!!

 

**reginamills:** i’m appalled that you all would believe i have such low standards first of all...

 

**oneandonly:** ha

 

**oneandonly:** he wishes

 

**oneandonly:** he was close to getting a little taste though,,,,

 

**emmaswan:** EW NO SOMEONE GET THE IMAGE OUT OF MY HEAD

 

**snow:** WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

 

**snow:** DAVID??? REGINA??? DID YOU TWO HOOK UP DURING THE FIRST CURSE AND NOT TELL ME???

 

**davidcharming:** NO!!!!!

 

**reginamills:** snow, did you not read my last message

 

**snow:** THEN WHY IS YOUR POSSIBLY STILL EVIL DOPPELGANGER TALKING ABOUT????

 

**davidcharming:** SNOW I SWEAR NOTHING HAPPENED

 

**davidcharming:** SHE TRIED SEDUCING ME BUT I KNEW BETTER THAN TO FALL FOR IT

 

**emmaswan:** WAIT WHAT

 

**snow:** HUUUUUHHH

 

**emmaswan:** YOU TRIED SEDUCING MY DAD

 

**zelena:** LMAOOOOOOOO I CANT IM LAUGHING TOO HARD

 

**reginamills:** thanks, david

 

**reginamills:** your daughter is now looking at me as if i killed her puppy

 

**emmaswan:** my mind is dead

 

**emmaswan:** you guys killed it

 

**emmaswan:** by putting those DISTURBING IMAGES in my head

 

**snow:** regina why did you try seducing my husband :((((

 

**reginamills:** one of my biggest regrets honestly

 

**davidcharming:** ouch

 

**reginamills:** and did you really forget that i used to hate you????

 

**snow:** oh right

 

**snow:** you don’t anymore right???

 

**snow:** you also don’t have any lustful desires towards my husband, right??

 

**reginamills:** keep asking dumb questions and you’re going to make me hate you again

 

**snow:** ily regina :(

 

**reginamills:** thanks

 

**snow:** say it back :((

 

**reginamills:** no, you just asked some dumb questions

 

**zelena:** rejected

 

**snow:** >:( 

 

**oneandonly:** …..

 

**oneandonly:** you guys are weird

 

**oneandonly:** and no fun to mess with anymore

 

**emmaswan:** hm why r u still here???

 

**reginamills:** most importantly, why did you take my candy apples?

 

**oneandonly:** can’t an evil queen simply just come and visit her doppleganger? 

 

**emmaswan:** and steal her candy apples???

 

**oneandonly:** yes

 

**reginamills:** no

 

**reginamills:** now give them back i have a shit ton of children waiting for their damn candy apples

 

**oneandonly:** i could…

 

**oneandonly:** but why would i want to?

 

**zelena:** oooooooo

 

**reginamills:** give. me. back. my. damn. candy. apples.

 

**oneandonly:** hmmm

 

**oneandonly:** ok

 

**reginamills:** i’ll be waiting outside my vault

 

**reginamills:** i don’t want you crashing my halloween party and scaring my guests

 

**oneandonly:** but

 

**reginamills:** but?

 

**oneandonly:** yes, but

 

**oneandonly:** did you really think i would give them to you just like that

 

**reginamills:** i mean, they are MINE but okay

 

**oneandonly:** before i give them back to you, i may or may not have something important to tell you

 

**reginamills:** like

 

**oneandonly:** well, i guess you’ll find out when i see you

 

**oneandonly:** hurry, hurry now regina

 

**oneandonly:** i can’t wait to see that beautiful face of ours

 

**_oneandonly_ ** _ has left the chat _

 

**snow:** well

 

**snow:** that happened

 

**zelena:** tell me about it

 

**zelena:** so many nasty things that i wanted to say to my  _ precious _ little sister

 

**zelena:** but i had to bite my tongue cus of that bloody bet

 

**reginamills:** hm

 

**reginamills:** well i guess i’m going

 

**reginamills:** let’s see what she wants

 

**emmaswan:** i’ll come too

 

**reginamills:** thank you, emma, but i don’t think that’s necessary

 

**reginamills:** i was just gonna teleport myself there 

 

**reginamills:** in and out, you won’t even know i was gone

 

**emmaswan:** c’mon regina

 

**emmaswan:** i’ll just be there as backup

 

**emmaswan:** in case you need it

 

**snow:** ◔ ⌣ ◔ ◔ ⌣ ◔ ◔ ⌣ ◔

 

**reginamills:** i, well

 

**reginamills:** i suppose you can but

 

**reginamills:** trust me, it’s not necessary

 

**reginamills:** believe it or not, i actually don’t think she has anything ‘evil’ up her sleeve

 

**reginamills:** she’s just being annoying

 

**zelena:** took the words right out of my mouth

 

**snow:** (ಥ﹏ಥ)

 

**reginamills:** ok well im going

 

**reginamills:** and im turning off my phone cant have zelena and snow spamming my phone as per usual

 

**emmaswan:** WAIT IM COMING WITH

 

**davidcharming:** should we tag along too?

 

**snow:** idk im kinda curious about what this is all about

 

**snow:** we can’t tho

 

**snow:** neal will get fussy 

 

**snow:** ಠ╭╮ಠ ಠ╭╮ಠ ಠ╭╮ಠ

 

**zelena:** FINE FINE 

 

**zelena:** if you insist

 

**zelena:** i’ll follow my lil sis and the savior 

 

**davidcharming:** oh but we didn’t ask you to-

 

**zelena:** and give you guys a live update about what goes down

 

**snow:** sounds great x

 

**davidcharming:** wow

 

.

 

.

 

**zelena:** bloody hell!

 

**zelena:** WHY ARE THERE SO MANY MOSQUITOS

 

**snow:** did u get there on time

 

**zelena:** ya 

 

**zelena:** emma n regina are looking around but still no sign of regina’s doppelganger or the candy apples

 

**zelena:** man i picked the wrong day to wear my extra high heels

 

**zelena:** ugh but i still look so bloody good

 

**snow:** focus!!!!!!

 

**snow:** we wanna know everything that goes down

 

**davidcharming:** we?

 

**zelena:** oh calm down would you

 

**zelena:** like i said still no sign of

 

**zelena:** …

 

**zelena:** o nvm she’s here

 

**zelena:** UMMMMM

 

**zelena:** OH NO SHE BLOODY DIDNT

 

**snow:** what!!!!!!!

 

**davidcharming:** is everything okay????!!!!

 

**zelena:** SHE’S WEARING THE SAME EXTRA LONG HEELS AS ME!!!

 

**zelena:** this unoriginal

 

**zelena:** little

 

**snow:** aren’t you supposed to be acting nice

 

**zelena:** _ lovely… _ .

 

**zelena:** sister of mine………

 

**snow:** (•_•)

 

**davidcharming:** ok but if you’re going to be spying on them can you at least focus on what they’re saying

 

**zelena:** alright alright!

 

**zelena:** ok so regina n the savior are approaching my unoriginal, lovely, little sister…

 

**zelena:** SHES CARRYING THE CANDY APPLES IN A BASKET OOF REGINA IS LIVID

 

**snow:** wait which regina

 

**zelena:** storybrooke regina!!!

 

**zelena:** ok they’re talking everyone shut up

 

**snow:** you can’t even hear us-

 

**zelena:** omg they’re talking too bloody fast i can’t keep up!

 

**zelena:** let me just sum up what theyre saying as best as i can

 

**zelena:** eq - well, well, well, we finally meet again and i see u brought ur bodyguard w/ u

 

**zelena:** r - what r u doing here

 

**zelena:** meanwhile emma’s just standing there with her hands in her pockets and her eyebrows raised…….

 

**snow:** sounds like something emma would do….

 

**zelena:** eq - now is that anyway to treat someone who comes baring information?

 

**zelena:** e - what information?

 r - what the hell r u talking about?

 

**zelena:** oh???? She’s just giving her back the candy apples just like that???

 

**snow:** why tho

 

**zelena:** idk shut up im trying to listen

 

**snow:** (._.) 

 

**zelena:** eq - i apologize for stealing ur candy apples but i knew it was the only way i could ur attention. I need to talk to u

 

**zelena:** e - u do know u could’ve just txted her right? 

eq - shut up swan

 r - what do u need?

eq - im here to warn u regina

 r - warn me about what

eq - u 2 savior i think this will be something that’ll pique ur interest

 

**davidcharming:** im trying so hard to read this in their voices but its kinda hard when she’s typing like that…

 

**zelena:** SHHHT IM TRYING TO LISTEN

 

**zelena:** e - what is going on?

eq - i’ve recently made a horrifying discovery.. Even more horrible than Rumpelstiltskin and I combined during our evil days…. 

r - get to the point already

 

**zelena:** oh my god

 

**snow:** what!!!!!

 

**davidcharming:** what did she say!!?!!?

 

**zelena:** I WAS TRYING TO GET CLOSER TO HEAR BETTER AND I END UP SLIPPING ON SOME MUD!!!!

 

**zelena:** BLOODY HELL!!!!!!!!!!

 

**snow:** zelena!!!

 

**snow:** what did she say?!?!?!?!

 

**zelena:** wow

 

**zelena:** i just slipped on mud and that’s what’s concerning u 

 

**zelena:** ok

 

**zelena:** and idk something about discovering some new realm that is holding children hostage

 

**snow:** ……

 

**snow:** WHAT

 

**zelena:** what?

 

**snow:** pAY ATTENTION TO WHAT THEY’RE SAYING HELLO???????!

 

**snow:** omg

 

**zelena:** right!!!

 

**zelena:** o where’d they go

 

**davidcharming:** do u think she could be talking about neverland??

 

**snow:** i don’t think so 

 

**snow:** she said *new* realm

 

**davidcharming:** what should we do

 

**snow:** IDK ZELENA WHAT IS HAPPENING

 

**zelena:** IF I WASN’T SO BUSY TRYING TO GET UP FROM THIS BLOODY MUD THEN I WOULD TELL YOU

 

**_oneandonly_ ** _ has been added to the group _

 

**zelena:** oh goodie she’s back

 

**emmaswan:** see you could’ve just done this from the start instead of having to steal regina’s candy apples!

 

**reginamills:** exactly, now i need to get these back to the kids but go ahead tell them what you told us

 

**snow:** what’s going on?!?!!!!

 

**oneandonly:** patience never really was one of your greatest qualities, snow

 

**snow:** ಠ_ಠ

 

**davidcharming:** just get to the point

 

**oneandonly:** fine, i will

 

**oneandonly:** after the black fairy’s curse, while you idiots have been living a danger-free life for these last couple of months, i returned to the enchanted forest to live out the rest of my days free from you people

 

**oneandonly:** i was doing fine with robin.. My robin that is, not the lowlife from your realm

 

**oneandonly:** we discovered the existence of this new realm, when mulan and aurora’s child, Lonnie went missing.

 

**snow:** wait mulan and aurora?

 

**snow:** they’re here in storybrooke and aurora has a child, but it’s not with mulan and it’s a boy. Phillip Jr? 

 

**reginamills:** different book, different universe snow

 

**emmaswan:** apparently they’re from the same universe as AU Robin

 

**snow:** right got it!

 

**snow:** what happened to their child?

 

**oneandonly:** well they used a locator spell to try to find her and what they found was just horrendous…

 

**oneandonly:** like not even i would dare to harm a child, especially not after raising one for years

 

**davidcharming:** what did they find

 

**oneandonly:** an entire realm of kidnapped children, they’re working unpaid labor for an old, fat man in a red suit apparently. 

 

**snow:** omg those poor kids

 

**snow:** where is this realm?

 

**oneandonly:** no one knows, aurora and mulan were only able to find their daughter with the help of the dark one, well the dark one from the realm i’m living in. they made some deal with him or something, i’m not sure.

 

**oneandonly:** all i know is that it was very hard to create a portal to get there

 

**oneandonly:** which is why i’ve heard that a lot of these kids stay missing

 

**zelena:** wow that sucks but like

 

**zelena:** why are you telling us this? Do you need help or-

 

**oneandonly:** please, like i’d ever ask you imbeciles for help

 

**oneandonly:** no, no i only came here to spread the word

 

**oneandonly:** for henry’s sake, despite what you all may think of me he’s still my son and i want him safe

 

**oneandonly:** and i guess for your annoying baby too, sis 

 

**oneandonly:** and for the child of the two idiots

 

**emmaswan:** ik im still shocked she came here to help us

 

**oneandonly:** well don’t act so surprised ms. swan

 

**oneandonly:** or did you forget about the time i sacrificed myself to save that pretty face of yours?

 

**emmaswan:** i-

 

**snow:** wHAT is going on

 

**snow:** regina tell ur doppelganger to stop flirting w/ my daughter

 

**snow:** tell her that only u r aloud to flirt w/ her

 

**snow:** allowed* whoops

 

**emmaswan:** mom wtf!!!!

 

**oneandonly:** i am her you idiot!

 

**oneandonly:** im just doing the same thing we’ve been doing for years, right regina?

 

**reginamills:** are you done, now?

 

**oneandonly:** oof how can i hear her grouchy tone via text message

 

**reginamills:** you mean OUR grouchy tone

 

**oneandonly:** nope

 

**oneandonly:** i’m actually a lot less grouchy now in days

 

**snow:** really?

 

**oneandonly:** shut up no one was talking to you

 

**snow:** :O

 

**zelena:** yeah definitely less grouchy

 

**emmaswan:** pls there’s no regina w/o any of her grouchiness

 

**reginamills:** i’d beg to differ ms. swan

 

**reginamills:** if anyone’s the grouchy one here, it’s you

 

**emmaswan:** mE????!

 

**snow:** yes

 

**davidcharming:** she makes a point sweetheart

 

**emmaswan:** i??? am??? not???? Grouchy???

 

**emmaswan:** like at ALL????

 

**reginamills:** emma, you literally got upset with me this morning because i took a bite of your bearclaw?

 

**emmaswan:** yeah because it was MY bearclaw???

 

**reginamills:** i just wanted one bite

 

**emmaswan:** you could’ve taken a bite from henry’s??? He had a bigger piece!

 

**reginamills:** yours was closer!

 

**emmaswan:** you took a big bite :(

 

**reginamills:** oml emma

 

**reginamills:** if i buy you a whole box of them tomorrow morning will you stop being ‘grouchy’?

 

**emmaswan:** yes 

 

**reginamills:** fine.

 

**emmaswan:** :)

 

**oneandonly:** wow

 

**oneandonly:** maybe i’ve been separated from regina for a while that i forgot, but are they always like this?

 

**zelena:** unfortunately for the rest of us, yes.

 

**oneandonly:** wow so you’re telling me that i used to be this pathetic?

 

**emmaswan:** um not really but go off

 

**reginamills:** wow so now it’s apparently illegal to buy my friend an entire box of bearclaws?

 

**emmaswan:** don’t listen to them regina they’re dumb

 

**oneandonly:** i-

 

**oneandonly:** i cannot be this oblivious, i’m INSULTED

 

**snow:** don’t feel too bad, emma’s just as oblivious

 

**oneandonly:** wow

 

**oneandonly:** even snow white..

 

**oneandonly:** the literal definition of obliviousness 

 

**oneandonly:** notices but you two dont?

 

**zelena:** welcome to my world

 

**oneandonly:** yikes

 

**emmaswan:** r they talking about us?

 

**reginamills:** well for their sake, they better not be

 

**davidcharming:** pretty much sums up these past two years, don’t ya think?

 

**reginamills:** i don’t have time for this idiocy, i have candy apples to deliver

 

**reginamills:** is that all you came here for, regina?

 

**oneandonly:** yes, i had to make sure you all were aware for henry’s safety

 

**oneandonly:** and well why you two may be such oblivious idiots

 

**oneandonly:** you do one hell of a job at taking care of our son

 

**reginamills:** that, we do.

 

**oneandonly:** i suppose i should get going then

 

**emmaswan:** you don’t want to stop by and say hi to henry before you go?

 

**oneandonly:** .. can i?

 

**emmaswan:** it’s cool with me?

 

**reginamills:** well, it’s like you said

 

**reginamills:** he’s our son.

 

**snow:** david where r the tissues

 

**oneandonly:** leave it to snow white to ruin a moment that almost touch my heart…

 

**oneandonly:** almost

 

**oneandonly:** but of course, i would love nothing more than to see my son.

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**zelena:** so would it be considered ‘mean’ not to warn rumple and belle of this potentially dangerous realm where children are held hostage?

 

**reginamills:** zelena…

 

**zelena:** ALRIGHT I’LL TELL HIM I WAS JUST KIDDING DAMN

  
.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol at me finishing a halloween chapter on christmas eve... i'm still planning on writing a christmas chapter though.... let's see how this works out. Please excuse any grammatical errors.


	10. The Man in Red

**henrymills:** ma! 

 

**henrymills:** mom!

 

**henrymills:** grandma! grandpa!

 

**henrymills:** someone!!

 

**emmaswan:** hey kid, you alright?

 

**davidcharming:** snow and regina are too busy having a cook-off contest in the kitchen rn, but i’m here what’s up?

 

**henrymills:** it’s neal!!

 

**henrymills:** he just dropped a bomb of a question on me and idk how to answer!?!

 

**emmaswan:** oh no dont tell me my little bro just asked where babies come from?

 

**davidcharming:** what?! so soon?!

 

**davidcharming:** snow and i havent prepared to have this conversation yet!

 

**henrymills:** what? no!

 

**henrymils:** gross!

 

**emmaswan:** you say that now…

 

**henrymills:** STOP!!

 

**henrymills:** he just asked me if santa claus was real or not! And idk how to answer!

 

**emmaswan:** oh.

 

**emmaswan:** just tell him no, better he knows the truth now then be disappointed in the future when he realizes it’s all nothing but a myth

 

**davidcharming:** oh i dont know about that emma

 

**emmaswan:** what

 

**emmaswan:** don’t tell me that there’s a santa claus too!

 

**emmaswan:** i mean what’s next , you’re going to tell me that shrek is real too?!

 

**davidcharming:** don’t be ridiculous emma

 

**davidcharming:** shrek’s not real

 

**emmaswan:** well that’s sorta a relief…

 

**davidcharming:** fiona on the other hand…

 

**emmaswan:** …….really

 

**henrymills:** WAIT? HOW is there no such thing as shrek but there is such a thing as fiona?! That doesn’t make sense?!

 

**davidcharming:** well, as we should know by now, this world doesn’t always tell our stories correctly

 

**henrymills:** so… what? None of the movies are accurate?

 

**henrymills:** my entire life has been a lie

 

**davidcharming:** well they were right on one part; fiona is both a princess an and ogre, just not the most friendliest ogres..

 

**emmaswan:** i- can’t believe it

 

**henrymills:** (says the daughter of snow white n prince charming but ok)

 

**davidcharming:** yeah snow and i encountered her once back when we were hopping between realms… we stopped by a swamp to rest and needless to say we almost lost our limbs that day

 

**henrymills:** wow

 

**emmaswan:** oh but you’ve actually encountered her then… as far as i know, you’ve never encountered a santa claus, right?

 

**davidcharming:** well no- but

 

**emmaswan:** i rest my case then

 

**davidcharming:** idk emma, don’t you find it a little weird

 

**davidcharming:** i mean i haven’t been able to stop thinking about the evil queen’s visit from a month ago

 

**emmaswan:** dad im gonna stop you right there…..

 

**emmaswan:** ngl that’s a weird thing to say after she admitted how u and her almost hooked up..

 

**henrymills:** WHAT

 

**henrymills:** wtf do yall talk about when i put my phone down……

 

**davidcharming:** FOR THE LAST TIME WE DIDNT “ALMOST HOOK UP” !!!

 

**davidcharming:** SHE tried to seduce me and FAILED

 

**emmaswan:** WELL EXCUSE ME YOU ARENT THE ONE WITH THAT TERRIBLE TERRIBLE IMAGE CEMENTED IN YOUR MIND

 

**henrymills:** so u thought that bringing it up and cementing it in ur sons mind was a better option

 

**davidcharming:** we had that conversation nearly two months ago emma, get over it

 

**davidcharming:** not even your mother is still holding this grudge

 

**emmaswan:** well im ur daughter n i get to be petty

 

**emmaswan:** esp when you almost hooked up with my son’s mother!

 

**henrymills:** again, why must we torture the young boy (mE) w such disturbing images that he did not ask for

 

**davidcharming:** oohhhhhhhhhh i get it

 

**emmaswan:** ?

 

**davidcharming:** all this time i thought you were being petty over the thought of me possibly cheating on ur mother but it turns out…

 

**emmaswan:** what???????

 

**davidcharming:** nothing 

 

**davidhcharming:** anyways as i was saying before emma absurdly interrupted me..

 

**davidcharming:** i was thinking about what she said.. About this realm of children being held hostage by an “old, fat man” that are forced to work for unpaid labor…

 

**davidcharming:** doesn’t that remind you of anyone?

 

**emmaswan:** what? you think she was talking about the jolly, old man who travels around the world to deliver present?

 

**henrymills:** i thought u weren’t a fan of old saint nick?

 

**emmaswan:** im not!

 

**emmaswan:** but everyone knows that santa claus is literally the jolliest man ever

 

**emmaswan:** i mean he literally eats cookies and milk, that doesn’t sound like someone who would kidnap children?

 

**zelena:** don’t be so naive savior, you should know better by now

 

**zelena:** robyn and i are outside btw someone open the bloody door it’s FREEZING out here

 

**davidcharming:** exactly!

 

**davidcharming:** like i said earlier, when have any of our stories been accurately told in this world

 

**emmaswan:** ok valid point….

 

**emmaswan:** henry, you haven’t been contacted by anything suspicious, right?

 

**henrymills:** no

 

**henrymills:** u and mom have asked me this everyday for nearly two months

 

**henrymills:** trust me, i dont think im in danger

 

**henrymills:** especially not when i have two badass moms ready to protect me wherever i go

 

**henrymills:** there’s nothing to worry about

 

**reginamills:** henry, language

 

**henrymills:** oh sorry

 

**henrymills:** bad*ss

 

**emmaswan:** well.. true

 

**emmaswan:** but that doesnt mean that we still dont get to worry for you

 

**reginamills:** emma’s right, you’re our whole world henry

 

**emmaswan:** yea you could be a grownass adult with kids and we’d still worry about you

 

**reginamills:** besides, there’s an entire realm holding children hostage! i’d say we have every right to be worried now

 

**zelena:** oh stop with that mushy mushy stuff

 

**zelena:** it’s he said he has two badass moms and an even more badass auntie to take care of him

 

**zelena:** our kids are in good hands

 

**henrymills:** exactly!

 

**zelena:** speaking of good hands, henry dear, you mind watching my little robyn while i go freshen up!

 

**zelena:** auntie zelena made a bet w/ r*by and d*rothy

 

**zelena:** whoever gets more of those little hearts on their christmas instagram post gets $100 and ofc i have every intention of winning that cash

 

**henry:** sure

 

**snow:** wait why are you still making bets with ruby and dorothy?

 

**snow:** didn’t you lose your last one and had to be their servant for an entire day?

 

**zelena:** listen, you were the one who took a bite out of a poisoned apple, you don’t get to criticize me 

 

**snow:** i-

 

**snow:** wow

 

**davidcharming:** so…. Is dinner almost ready?

 

**snow:** yes!!!

 

**snow:** regina and i are just about finishing

 

**emmaswan:** ugh im so hungry!

 

**emmaswan:** i havent eaten since i’ve been waiting for this all day!

 

**reginamills:** you ate donuts this morning

 

**emmaswan:** food, regina, i havent eaten any real food!   
  


**reginamills:** dear, i’ve seen your eating habits- i’d say you hardly ever eat any real food

 

**emmaswan:** grilled cheese is REAL food tyvm

 

**emmaswan:** you know what isn’t real food

 

**emmaswan:** oatmeal

 

**emmaswan:** especially mom’s oatmeal

 

**snow:** HEY!

 

**snow:** the birds seem to think my oatmeal is very delicious fyi

 

**emmaswan:** birds are the only thing that will eat your oatmeal

 

**snow:** ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ

 

**snow:** what is this? Attack snow white day????????

 

**snow:** anyone else wanna give it a shot ._.

 

**reginamills:** ok

 

**reginamills:** my apple pie tastes better than yours

 

**snow** WHAT!

 

**snow:** you said it tasted good!!!

 

**reginamills:** no i said it tasted alright

 

**reginamills:** there’s a difference

 

**snow:** (ಥ﹏ಥ)

 

**davidcharming:** aw

 

**davidcharming:** don’t feel bad honey, i love your apple pie <3

 

**snow:** (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**reginamills:** WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT NOISE

 

**reginamills:** ZELENA WHAT DID YOU DO???

 

**zelena:** ME???!!

 

**zelena:** im still in the charming’s restroom trying to take these so called selfies for my instagram post!!!

 

**reginamills:** emma what did you break?!

 

**emmaswan:** ??????

 

**emmaswan:** im literally sitting on the couch watching the game w my dad, i havent moved at all!

 

**emmaswan:** also why did you automatically think it was either zelena or i who did something?

 

**emmaswan:** im HURT

 

**reginamills:** well for one, snow’s standing right next to me so i knew it wasn’t her this time

 

**reginamills:** david’s eyes have been glued onto the game since it started, so i knew that the chances of him moving at all were slim

 

**reginamills:** and as for henry, well our son tends to be more behaved than you sometimes ms. swan

 

**emmaswan:** what!!!!!!

 

**emmaswan:** that is not true

 

**emmaswan:** henry, did you guys drop something up there???

 

**snow:** it sounded like the bookcase from upstairs fell?

 

**reginamills:** henry, are you and the kids okay?!

 

**zelena:** oh maybe my little robyn is finally starting to get her powers!

 

**zelena:** henry darling, you okay?!

 

**zelena:** did my little witch accidentally drop a bookcase on you?????

 

**emmaswan:** why do you assume it was robyn?

 

**emmaswan:** maybe it was neal who got his powers??

 

**emmaswan:** i mean not to brag but he and i are actually the products of true love so…..

 

**snow:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**emmaswan:** maybe he was the one who accidentally dropped a bookcase on henry?!

 

**reginamills:** how about instead of speculating, we go check and see if a bookcase has not fallen on top of our children?

 

**emmaswan:** yeah, i like that idea better

 

**emmaswan:** i’ll go, finish setting up the table

 

**davidcharming:** same, now i’m curious if whether or not our son has magical powers

 

**_rumple_** _has_ _been_ _added_ _to_ _the_ _group_

 

**zelena:** ew

 

**rumple:** do you idiots not own a phone? belle has been trying to call you for the last five minutes!

 

**reginamills:** i didn’t receive any call?

 

**rumple:** she also tried to call you charmings

 

**snow:** we didnt receive any calls either?

 

**snow:** david?

 

**davidcharming:** no? What’s wrong?!

 

**rumple:** that son of a bitch

 

**rumple:** he must’ve interfered with my calls

 

**snow:** what’s going on???

 

**davidcharming:** yeah, why was belle calling?

**  
** **rumple:** she wanted me to warn you

 

**rumple:** just a few minutes ago, we had left Gideon alone in his room for a little while as we set the table

 

**rumple:** and when i walked back in his room, i see two tiny elves trying to put him in a stroller

 

**rumple:** they had a portal open, ready to go and had i not gotten there at that time, they wouldve taken my son away from me

 

**rumple:** again

 

**rumple:** so just a heads up, it appears like the evil queen was telling the truth about this realm

 

**snow:** omg im glad he’s okay

 

**snow:** omg…

 

**snow:** david are the kids okay?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**reginamills:** emma what’s taking so long?!

 

**emmaswan:** we can’t open the door

 

**davidcharming:** i think the bookcase fell on top of it…

 

**snow:** that doesn’t make sense, the bookcase is nowhere near the door???

 

**reginamills:** im heading up there

 

**snow:** wait for me!

 

**zelena:** im coming too!

 

**emmaswan:** i’m gonna try and kick the door open, stand back dad

 

**zelena:** wait the restroom door is jammed in???

 

**zelena:** what’s going on?!?!!?!   
  


**zelena:** is my little robyn okay????

 

**rumple:** oh no

 

**emmaswan:** WHY WONT IT OPEN?!?!?!

 

**davidcharming:** oh my god who’s crying

 

**snow:** NEAL

 

**zelena:** NOT MY BABY

 

**reginamills:** henry are you okay????? 

 

**reginamills:** answer!!!!

 

**reginamills:** rumple what the hell is going on?!

 

**rumple:** when i was going into Gideon’s room, the door was about to shut

 

**rumple:** had i not been quick enough, they would’ve gotten away….

 

**rumple:** GET THEM OUT OF THERE RIGHT NOW

 

**zelena:** I CANT GET OUT OF THE BLOODY RESTROOM

 

**zelena:** EMMA GET THEM OUT OF THERE

 

**zelena:** what was that noise??????

 

**zelena:** HELLO SOMEONE RESPOND TO ME IM STUCK INSIDE A RESTROOM?!

 

**zelena:** REGINA PLEASE MY DAUGHTER’S IN THERE ANSWER ME

 

**snow:** she’s okay zelena

 

**snow:** her and neal are okay

 

**snow:** but

 

**snow:** henry’s missing

 

**zelena:** oh no…

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

**_emmaswan_ ** _ has created the group chat  _ **_..._ **

 

**_emmaswan_ ** _ has added  _ **_reginamills, rumple,_ ** _ and 1 other to  _ **_..._ **

 

**emmaswan:** how do we get him back

 

**reginamills:** talk gold

 

**rumple:** i don’t know

 

**emmaswan:** BULLSHIT

 

**reginamills:** rumple… i’m seriously not in a mood for one of your deals

 

**rumple:** i’ve told you, i don’t know

 

**emmaswan:** so you’re telling me that you’ve been the dark one for hundreds of years and never once encountered this man who’s been kidnapping children from their fucking houses?

 

**zelena:** sounds like bloody bullshit to me

 

**rumple:** look i know you’re upset, i understand, but truthfully,  i don’t know anything about this so called santa claus

 

**rumple:** didn’t the evil queen say this was a new realm or something along those lines?

 

**reginamills:** she also told us that the you from her universe helped someone get to this realm 

 

**reginamills:** so either you  _ are _ lying to us or there’s something in your damn shop that can help us get to wherever the fuck this realm is

 

**reginamills:** so look

 

**rumple:** i’ll see what i can find

 

**rumple:** it seems like you forget that henry’s my grandson

 

**rumple:** not to mention that these things almost took my son from me

 

**rumple:** they have no idea who they’ve just messed with

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

**rumple:** the north pole

 

**rumple:** that’s where they’re at

 

**rumple:** not the north pole from this earth, it’s a different realm

 

**rumple:** i don’t have any beans but the elves must’ve left some of their dna lying around

 

**rumple:** find it and then emma can enchant it in order to open a portal to their realm

 

**rumple:** remember to take something that belongs to henry if you plan to use the locator spell to find him

 

**rumple:** that’s all belle and i managed to find

 

**reginamills:** thank you

 

**_reginamills_ ** _ has deleted the group chat  _ **_..._ **

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**rumple:** did it work

 

**zelena:** we’ve almost got it, just need for emma to enchant the dna from those bloody elves and that should open it

 

**rumple:** not that it’s any of my concern, but belle was wondering how they’re holding up

 

**rumple:** emma and regina

 

**zelena:** how do you think

 

**snow:** they’re strong but it’s obvious they’re afraid

 

**snow:** who wouldn’t be

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_zelena_ ** _ has created the group chat  _ **_._ **

 

**_zelena_ ** _ has added  _ **_rumple, snow, and 1 other_ **

 

**zelena:** it worked

 

**zelena:** hey green skin

 

**zelena:** bookworm

**rumple:** ??? 

 

**rumple:** that’s hilarious coming from you

 

**zelena:** shut up snow and i want to ask you something

 

**rumple:** hm?

 

**beautybelle:** is everything okay?

 

**zelena:** we’re going with emma and regina to wherever the bloody hell this place is 

 

**snow:** david volunteered to stay with neal and robyn but

 

**snow:** as strong and valiant as he may be, he is no magic wielder and may the universe forbid these elves come back but if they were, we’d want them all to stay safe

 

**zelena:** omg u talk too much just get to the point

 

**snow:** rude

 

**snow:** but yh would it trouble you guys if they went over while we deal with this whole santa mess

 

**beautybelle:** of course not snow, you’d know i’d do anything for you

 

**beautybelle:** right rumple?

 

**rumple:** i suppose i have no problem with that

 

**beautybelle:** don’t worry, we’ll make sure neal and robyn… and david stay safe

 

**snow:** thank you <3

 

**snow:** zelena

 

**zelena:** just know that my daughter is the most important thing that’s ever happened to me

 

**zelena:** don’t let her get hurt or i’ll-

 

**snow:** ZELENA

 

**rumple:** as infuriating as you may be zelena..

 

**rumple:** so infuriating that sometimes i have the urge to rip your heart out and

 

**beautybelle:** rumple…

 

**zelena:** dw feelings mutual

 

**rumple:** as a father, i understand

 

**rumple:** don’t worry, robyn will be safe with us

 

**zelena:** thank you

 

**rumple:** now go, save my grandson

 

**beautybelle:** don’t worry, i’ll keep looking around here and see if i can find anything that can help you stop this santa claus

 

**snow:** thank you belle <3

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**snow:** oh hey i didn’t think there’d be any reception here

 

**snow:** oh my

 

**beautybelle:** what is it?

 

**snow:** it’s so COLD 

 

**zelena:** well it’s called the bloody NORTH pole for a reason snow…

 

**zelena:** this is why u died by eating an apple

 

**snow:** again with this…

 

**rumple:** what do you see

 

**zelena:** emma n regina are activating the locator spell on henry’s pen

 

**snow:** disturbingly, there are a LOT of lights and smiley faces on posters around 

 

**snow:** but like- there’s nobody outside?

 

**snow:** so many colorful houses and buildings yet the streets are empty

 

**zelena:** yeah looks bloody creepy

 

**snow:** ok the pen was enchanted

 

**snow:** BRB WE’RE ABOUT TO RUM AFYER IT

 

**snow:** run*

 

**snow:** after*

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**snow:** okay it fell

 

**snow:** well this is definitely a less cheerful looking building

 

**snow:** [ _ file34 _ . _ jpg _ ]

 

**snow:** omg

 

**rumple:** what is it

 

**zelena:** the cries…

 

**zelena:** horrific

 

**_henrymills_ ** _ has been added to the group  _ **_._ **

 

**snow:** HENRY???

 

**zelena:** henry darling, are you okay?

 

**zelena:** wait hold on

 

**_zelena_ ** _ has added  _ **_reginamills_ ** _ and  _ **_emmaswan_ ** _ to  _ **_._ **

 

**reginamills:** henry??? Where are you???

 

**reginamills:** where did they take you henry???

 

**emmaswan:** kid don’t worry, we’re coming to get you

 

**rumple:** i don’t think that’s your son…

 

**rumple:** the person behind this phone, that is

 

**henrymills:** you shouldn’t be here

 

**henrymills:** he’ll kill you if he finds out you’re here

 

**reginamills:** where the hell is our son?

 

**henrymills:** safe

 

**emmaswan:** like hell he is im calling and i want to talk to him

 

**henrymills:** i’m afraid that won’t be happening

 

**henrymills:** he’s watching us, you know

 

**henrymills:** santa’s always watching

 

**henrymills:** he sees you when you’re sleeping and he knows when you’re awake

 

**henrymills:** so you better watch out

 

**henrymills:** because i’m saying this as someone who genuinely cares for these children

 

**henrymills:** he will cause a lot of damage if we get on his naughty list

 

**henrymills:** so leave before he hurts you

 

**henrymills:** you have been warned

 

**_henrymills_ ** _ has left the group _

 

**emmaswan:** what the fuck

 

**reginamills:** im going to kill them

 

**emmaswan:** that too but i mean

 

**emmaswan:** WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT IN THE SKY AND WHY IS IT DROPPING BLUE PIXIE DUST??? ON US

 

**rumple:** blue pixie dust?

 

**rumple:** he’s trying to put you to sleep get out of there now

 

**zelena:** DONT HAVE TO TELL ME TWICE

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**snow:** OKAY OKAY WE’RE GOOD

 

**snow:** I MEAN WE JUST GOT CHASED AROUND THE ENTIRE NORTH POLE BY A FLOATING SLEIGH BUT WE ARE GOOD

 

**snow:** I MEAN NONE OF US GOT HIT WITH BLUE PIXIE DUST SO WE’RE AS GOOD AS ONE CAN GET

 

**zelena:** i hate running oh bloody hell

 

**beautybelle:** and henry? Any luck in finding him?

 

**snow:** no but emma and regina are going to enact the locator spell again and hopefully this time we won’t be chased around by a floating sleigh 

 

**snow:** any luck finding info on santa claus

 

**snow:** i have a feeling this wont be the last attack plans to use on us

 

**beautybelle:** not much but i was able to find some information that may be useful in case you encounter the not so jolly old man

 

**beautybelle:** _ “when fighting the man in red, avoid the snow, a lit fireplace, and/or milk and cookies”  _

 

**beautybelle:** apparently he regenerates power from these things, especially a lit fireplace

 

**zelena:** well that’s just bloody perfect the entire place is filled with snow!

 

**beautybelle:** don’t worry, i’ll keep reading

 

**beautybelle:** i know the answer must be in here somewhere

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_kingofthenight_ ** _ has been added to the group  _ **_._ **

 

**zelena:** oh what now

 

**kingofthenight:** word on the street says that a great savior has entered my empire

 

**kingofthenight:** you’re not welcomed here

 

**emmaswan:** tell me where my son is and i’ll gladly be out of your fucking kingdom in no time

 

**kingofthenight:** well, if he was brought to my empire then i’m afraid the boy is no longer yours

 

**kingofthenight:** he’s my son now, one of my many sons actually

 

**reginamills:** listen father dickness

 

**reginamills:** unless you tell me where you’re keeping my son i will gladly set your entire so-called empire on fire 

 

**reginamills:** i know you wouldn’t want that, given that you seem to find the snow quite useful to you

 

**reginamills:** and believe me, i’ve easily conquered realms in the past and i won’t hesitate to bring yours down to ashes

 

**kingofthenight:** ho! ho! ho! aren’t you such a charmer?

 

**zelena:** did he really just type out  _ ‘ho! ho! ho!’? _

 

**emmaswan:** at least something’s consistent with this bitch

 

**kingofthenight:** i worked hard to build my empire

 

**kingofthenight:** i’m not about to let a bunch of self righteous, wannabe heroes take that away from me

 

**rumple:** full offence, but your so-called empire is built on the labor of a bunch of kidnapped children

 

**rumple:** that doesn’t sound much like hard work

 

**kingofthenight:** rumple?

 

**kingofthenight:** as in  _ rumplestiltskin? _

 

**rumple:** he’s heard of me, no shocker there

 

**kingofthenight:** of course, i mean who hasnt heard of one the greatest wielders of dark magic? ho! ho! Ho!

 

**zelena:** ok seriously man, stop typing it out!

 

**rumple:** i’m glad you’re aware of that

 

**rumple:** you should also be aware that one of those children that you’ve kidnapped, happens to be my grandson 

 

**rumple:** give him back now and i’ll spare you the embarrassment 

 

**kingofthenight:** now, why would i do that? ho! ho! ho!

 

**zelena:** seriously????

 

**zelena:** am i the only one who finds it annoying?

 

**kingofthenight:** i’ve brought your grandson home

 

**kingofthenight:** i’ve done no harm

**kingofthenight:** i can’t guarantee the same for the rest of you, though

 

**kingofthenight:** get out while you still can or else

 

**emmaswan:** or else what

 

**kingofthenight:** burn my kingdom down and your son will burn alongside me, savior

 

**kingofthenight:** ho! ho! ho! 

 

**kingofthenight:** you all have a jolly day!

 

**_kingofthenight_ ** _ has left the group _

 

**zelena:** anyone else have a giant urge to punch that guy?

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_henrymills_ ** _ has been added to the group  _ **_._ **

 

**zelena:** ugh not this creepy bitch again

 

**henrymills:** you’ve disrupted the natural order of this kingdom

 

**henrymills:** i dont think ive ever seen him so upset

 

**henrymills:** bad things happen when he’s upset, you know

 

**emmaswan:** look, we just want our son

 

**emmaswan:** give him to us and we’ll leave and he can have his ugly ass kingdom back all to himself

 

**henrymills:** i can’t

 

**henrymills:** the master will be angry if he finds out i’ve let one of his children escape

 

**reginamills:** well, your master will be even angrier when he finds out i’ve set fire to his entire filthy kingdom

 

**reginamills:** trust me, we will not hesitate to burn down your entire kingdom, poison every drop and crumb of milk and cookies, and destroy every single fireplace in the land

 

**emmaswan:** bet your ‘master’ won’t like that, huh

 

**henrymills:** it’s not that simple

 

**henrymills:** no one is as powerful as him

 

**emmaswan:** clearly, he’s never met us then

 

**henrymills:** you don’t understand

 

**henrymills:** nobody can beat him! Nobody is as powerful as him!

 

**henrymills:** if any of us were, we would’ve freed ourselves from his terrible reign by now!

 

**snow:** oh? So i take it not everyone agrees with him?

 

**henrymills:** of course we dont

 

**henrymills:** only a monster would do this to these poor, poor children!

 

**henrymills:** that’s why i’m here- to take care of them, to protect them

 

**rumple:** wait, who are you?

 

**henrymills:** someone not as powerful as him, but powerful enough to prevent him from hurting them too much

 

**zelena:** okay, sir, ma’am, whatever

 

**zelena:** we don’t have time for word games; be more specific would you?!

 

**henrymills:** i’m what many would call the mother of christmas

 

**henrymills:** unfortunately, christmas isn’t really something anyone good would want to be associated with

 

**emmaswan:** you’re- mrs. claus?????

 

**henrymills:** not by my will

 

**henrymills:** but yes

 

**henrymills:** i am the master’s wife and as his wife i have no choice but to turn you into him

 

**henrymills:** unless if you leave now

 

**emmaswan:** we’re not going anywhere without our son

 

**reginamills:** we already told you what would happen if you don’t return him to us at once

 

**henrymills:** he’ll be so mad if you do….

 

**reginamills:** then let’s avoid getting him mad, return our son to us and we’ll leave your filthy kingdom unharmed

 

**henrymills:** if he finds out

 

**emmaswan:** he won’t

 

**henrymills:** if you promise to stop disrupting the natural order of his kingdom, then fine. I’ll return your son to you. But you have to hurry, like i said. He’s always watching.

 

**_henrymills_ ** _ has left the group _

 

**beautybelle:** huh

 

**snow:** what is it?

 

**beautybelle:** i think i just figured out a way to beat the man in red

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**zelena:** we got henry back

 

**rumple:** well, you know how to open the portal don’t you?

 

**rumple:** hurry now, before this santa claus realizes his wife has betrayed him

 

**zelena:** ugh i wish

 

**rumple:** what

 

**zelena:** i mean ever since bookworm told the bloody savior, regina, and the hopeful hero snow fucking white, the way to defeat santa claus- they want to stay back and take him down

 

**snow:** HEY! 

 

**snow:** (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง

 

**rumple:** idiots

 

**beautybelle:** well, i’m glad that emma, regina, and snow want to put an end to this horrible man’s reign

 

**zelena:** i would be too if this old crazy hag wasn’t threatening to kill me or my nephew

 

**beautybelle:** how is he?

 

**zelena:** shaken up, but he’s ok

 

**zelena:** emma and regina wouldnt stop kissing and hugging him i almost felt bad for my poor nephew

 

**snow:** ??? you hugged him too??

 

**zelena:** shut up 

 

**rumple:** what are the idiotic heroes doing now then?

 

**zelena:** being idiotic heroes

 

**zelena:** i swear this whole being good thing is too much 

 

**zelena:** we could be heading home, safe, away from all this craziness but nooo!

 

**zelena:** we have to help people!

 

**rumple:** i know the feeling

 

**snow:** zelena, what if robyn was one of these kidnapped children?

 

**zelena:** i’d kill him

 

**snow:** exactly

 

**_maryxmas_ ** _ has been added to the group  _ **_._ **

 

**maryxmas:** what are you all still doing here? I thought we made a deal!

 

**snow:** who-

 

**maryxmas:** mrs claus!!!

 

**emmaswan:** ??? how did you know we didnt leave

 

**maryxmas:** i told you! he sees everything!

 

**maryxmas:** which is why you need to leave!

 

**reginamills:** that isn’t happening

 

**reginamills:** not until we take down the old pig at least

 

**maryxmas:** HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MINDS?!

 

**emmaswan:** not at all

 

**maryxmas:** you don’t understand, i know you’re the savior or whatever but here, on this realm, you’re not! 

 

**maryxmas:** in this realm, he’s the most powerful!   
  


**maryxmas:** you stand no chance against him!

 

**emmaswan:** you’re right, we don’t.

 

**emmaswan:** not without your help

 

**maryxmas:** WHAT?!

 

**maryxmas:** no!!!! I can’t! I won’t!

 

**maryxmas:** if he finds out i betrayed him, he will punish me by hurting them! I can’t let him hurt them more than he already does!

 

**snow:** he’s going to keep hurting him if you don’t do something about it

 

**maryxmas:** i can’t, he’s too powerful i can’t disobey him

 

**maryxmas:** believe me, no part of me wants to be associated with him, no part of me ever wanted to be associated with him. But i had no choice, my parents forced me to marry him a little over two years ago. I don’t know why he started taking all the children from their families, but i do know that he is now the richest man in the entire realm because of it

 

**maryxmas:** he is also the most powerful

 

**maryxmas:** anyone who has dared disobey him have ended up dead

 

**maryxmas:** which is why i haven’t been able to put a stop to his disgusting reign, because if i’m gone then no one will be take care of them..

 

**zelena:** except that they don’t want to be taken care of by you???? they want to be by their families, where they arent forced to work just to fill your husband’s pockets!

 

**snow:** you know these kids deserve better, i can tell you care for them

 

**snow:** which is why you should do what’s right and help us save them

 

**maryxmas:** but how? I can’t do anything! I’m too weak!

 

**reginamills:** yes, you can

 

**reginamills:** you need to get him out of your head

 

**maryxmas:** what?

 

**reginamills:** him telling you that you’re weak is just a tactic he uses to tear you down, to make himself feel superior

 

**reginamills:** don’t let him make you feel weak because you’re not

 

**maryxmas:** but what chance do i have against him?

 

**emmaswan:** you’d be surprised

 

**snow:** belle?

 

**beautybelle:** only one of equal power can take down the man in red

 

**beautybelle:** and that is someone has been bonded to him by the ropes of marriage

 

**beautybelle:** i was researching some of your land’s laws, turns out it’s not as new as we thought, it’s been around for centuries- the reason we never noticed it before is because it just made itself known to our universe recently

 

**zelena:** too much information bookworm, just tell her what you told us, before we get turned into coal

 

**beautybelle:** right! sorry!

 

**beautybelle:** as i was saying, when bonded by the ropes of marriage in your realm, by law, the two partners have officially become each other’s equals

 

**beautybelle:** meaning

 

**reginamills:** meaning that you’re our key to taking down this son of a bitch

 

**maryxmas:** me?

 

**reginamills:** yes you.

 

**reginamills:** that’s why he’s always called you weak, because he knew you were a threat to him and he needed you to believe that you were no match for him

 

**reginamills:** trust me, i know the feeling

 

**emmaswan:** but he’s wrong

 

**emmaswan:** you’re not weak

 

**emmaswan:** you are this realm’s savior and trust me, this realm really needs their savior right now

 

**emmaswan:** be the hero this realm, these children need you to be

 

**maryxmas:** do you think i can do it?

 

**emmaswan:** i know you can

 

**emmaswan:** now come on, let’s kick some santa ass

 

**zelena:** wow nice hope speech

 

**zelena:** yes, snow has tears in her eyes in case anyone was wondering

 

**snow:** MOMMY’S SO PROUD!!!!

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**snow:** WOWOWOWOWOW

 

**snow:** OOF THAT WAS A CLOSE MISS

 

**snow:** YIKES THAT’S DEFINITELY GOING TO LEAVE A MARK

 

**beautybelle:** um, snow?

 

**beautybelle:** everything okay?

 

**snow:** yeah, just watching some badass women kick some old, misogynist’s ass

 

**snow:** EMMA JUST KNOCKED HIM DOWN ASK ME IF IM PROUD

 

**zelena:** im recording the whole thing

 

**beautybelle:** why aren’t you helping???

 

**zelena:** because then who would record it, duh?

 

**snow:** wait we’ve got INCOMING ELVES INCOMING

 

**zelena:** oh goodie, i was in the mood to fry something

 

**snow:** brb need to stop zelena from frying potentially innocent eleves

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**snow:** (^̮^) (^̮^) (^̮^)

 

**snow:** GUESS WHO JUST RETURNED HOME FROM OVERTHROWING A CRUEL DICTATOR FROM POWER AND ASSIGNING THEM A RIGHTFUL AND CARING LEADER IN EXCHANGE???

 

**zelena:** WE DID BITCHESSSS

 

**beautybelle:** uh?

 

**reginamills:** ignore them, they got drunk off chocolate vodka

 

**rumple:** wow, you really let them get drunk after the mess they pulled last time?

 

**emmaswan:** we had many things to celebrate

 

**emmaswan:** 1\. Santa claus??? more like santa GONE

 

**reginamills:** she’s drunk too, ignore her as well.

 

**emmaswan:** i AM NUT DRUNG

 

**emmaswan:** lol 

 

**emmaswan:** nut

 

**reginamills:** like i said, ignore her

 

**beautybelle:** omg but did you really take him down? Regina that’s great!

 

**reginamills:** well, we couldn’t have done it without mrs. claus

 

**snow:** the neW QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN of the NORTH POLL

 

**snow:** pole

 

**rumple:** what was in that chocolate vodka

 

**reginamills:** more vodka than chocolate it seems

 

**beautybelle:** and the children?

 

**reginamills:** mary will be sending them home

 

**beautybelle:** that’s amazing!

 

**reginamills:** truly

 

**reginamills:** oh yeah, you should probably teleport robyn and neal back to the charming’s house

 

**reginamills:** we were planning on spending the night there to open presents together in the morning

 

**reginamills:** i suppose it’s reasonable for me to invite you two to join us in the morning, if you’d like

 

**beautybelle:** thanks :)

 

**reginamills:** ok well, bye.

 

**reginamills:** thank you for helping us get henry back

 

**rumple:** well, he is my grandson…

 

**reginamills:** right.

 

**snow:** OMG LETS WATCH A CHRISTMAS MOVIE BEFORE WE SLEEP

 

**emmaswan:** OH HELL NO

  
.

 

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is way past christmas... 
> 
> Happy New Year everyone! Thanks for the feedback on the last chapter, your comments make my day!
> 
> I got this idea from this tweet https://twitter.com/anonymouslaila/status/1077003320512921600?s=21 by @anonymouslaila on twitter, go give her a follow!
> 
> Also this is really long so sorry if there's any (a lot) of grammatical errors or if it gets boring on some parts.


	11. The Elephant in the Room

**_zelena_ ** _ has created the the group chat  _ **_LISTEN_ **

 

**_zelena_ ** _ has added  _ **_snow, davidcharming,_ ** _ and 1 other to  _ **_LISTEN_ **

 

**rumple:** ???

 

**rumple:** why have i been added to this?

 

**zelena:** i have a plan

 

**zelena:** and i need all the help i can get

 

**snow:** ooo

 

**snow:** what kind of plan????????

 

**rumple:** well, can’t say i’m surprised to hear that you seek my intellect as guidance

 

**snow:** ….

 

**rumple:** but i’m afraid i’ll have to decline

 

**rumple:** i have much more pressing matters to attend to

 

**zelena:** like what? 

 

**zelena:** counting all of the trash you hoard in your shop?

 

**zelena:** we get it, you’re old and have your boring hobbies to attend to

 

**rumple:** actually i’m working on a new spell

 

**rumple:** one that would hopefully result in zelena losing her tongue 

 

**zelena:** fuck off

 

**davidcharming:** so uh….

 

**davidcharming:** why exactly did you gather us all… in this chat… when we already you know

 

**davidcharming:** have one..?

 

**snow:** yeah that’s what i’m wondering too ⚆ _ ⚆

 

**zelena:** oh right

 

**zelena:** i think it’s about time we acknowledge the elephant in the room

 

**snow:** what elephant

 

**zelena:** eating that poison apple really made you lose some brain cells huh

 

**snow:** ???

 

**zelena:** oml how do i explain this uh

 

**zelena:** i mean let’s talk about the obvious problem that we’re all dealing with

 

**snow:** …….

 

**snow:** i know what the phrase means zelena LOL

 

**snow:** im asking what elephant

 

**snow:** like what’s this problem that you’re talking about??

 

**zelena:** oh good for a moment i really believed you were really that stupid

 

**snow:** is this your aggressive way of saying that you don’t think i’m stupid :'’’)

 

**zelena:** no u still willingly ate a poison apple

 

**snow:** ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ

 

**rumple:** can you get on with your point already

 

**rumple:** like i said i have a spell to be working on

 

**zelena:** huh

 

**snow:** and i’m the dumb one???

 

**zelena:** yes

 

**davidcharming:** i think he means to just be more specific of what this problem is

 

**zelena:** uh helloooo who else would it be about??

 

**davidcharming:** idk we were hoping you’d elaborate more

 

**zelena:** im surrounded by idiots

 

**zelena:** i’m talking about our regina and emma problem

 

**zelena:** duh

 

**snow:** oh?

 

**snow:** they’re having a problem?

 

**davidcharming:** i didn’t realize they were fighting?

 

**rumple:** and why does that concern me again?

 

**zelena:** i-

 

**zelena:** no they’re not fighting

 

**snow:** oh

 

**davidcharming:** what’s the problem then???

 

**zelena:** you can’t be serious

 

**zelena:** you can’t tell me i’m the only one who’s had it up to HERE with their overdramatic pining and disgusting heart eyes that they throw around at each other every. single. time.

 

**snow:** ahhh

 

**snow:** we think it’s kinda sweet don’t we david?

 

**davidcharming:** well

 

**davidcharming:** they have been at this for months now….

 

**davidcharming:** their obliviousness towards each other’s feelings has gotten pretty old by now

 

**snow:** hmmm ok valid point

 

**zelena:** it’s ANNOYINGGGGGGGG

 

**zelena:** especially every morning at my house when your daughter invites herself over to breakfast

 

**zelena:** ur daughter has no game 

 

**zelena:** u should be ashamed

 

**zelena:** did you know that last week she ordered regina some cauliflowers….

 

**zelena:** she brought my sister vegetables….

 

**zelena:** the delivery man showed up with cauliflowers at our house 

 

**zelena:** she mistook cauliflowers for those calla flowers i was DYING 

 

**snow:** sigh

 

**snow:** that does sound like our daughter

 

**davidcharming:** she definitely didnt get her game from her father that’s for sure

 

**zelena:** what made it even more hilarious is that regina saw the cauliflowers and said “OH EMMA HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS PLANNING ON MAKING PIZZA TONIGHT?!?!?! I COULD DEFINITELY USE THE CAULIFLOWER FOR THE PIZZA CRUST THANK YOU!”

 

**zelena:** and emma just sat there w a dumb expression w disbelief written all over it

 

**zelena:** i almost couldn’t even laugh bc i actually felt sorry for her 

 

**zelena:** almost

 

**zelena:** but i did anyways bc how could i not?!

 

**davidcharming:** wow

 

**davidcharming:** yeah like i said

 

**davidcharming:** oblivious

 

**rumple:** well your sister and the savior are certainly a lost cause

 

**rumple:** but again, i have to ask

 

**rumple:** what does that have to do with me?

 

**zelena:** you’re telling me that my sister and the savior’s pinning towards one another has never annoyed the fuck out of you????

 

**zelena:** i mean sure it’s funny sometimes

 

**zelena:** but it’s also just sad at times…

 

**rumple:** i try to ignore the charmings as much as i can

 

**rumple:** that includes their daughter as well

 

**snow:** (ง'̀-'́)ง

 

**davidcharming:** ouch

 

**zelena:** c’mon i can’t be the only one who’s had it up to HERE with them

 

**davidcharming:** u do realize we can’t see how high ‘up to HERE’ means since we r communicating via text

 

**zelena:** ….

 

**zelena:** shUT UP

 

**snow:** hmm 

 

**snow:** well i suppose zelena does have a point

 

**snow:** just yesterday i was talking about it to my friends and they seem to have the same opinion as zelena

 

**zelena:** two things

 

**zelena:** 1 - you have friends outside of us???? shocker

 

**snow:** ¬_¬ ¬_¬ ¬_¬

 

**zelena:** and 2 - EXACTLY MY POINT

 

**zelena:** add them on here i need more people to support my points!!!

 

**snow:** uh are you sure it’s a good idea?

 

**zelena:** yeah anyone who agrees that emma n regina are a PAIN to watch, is friends with me

 

**snow:** lol ok 

 

**snow:** if you say so…….

 

**_snow_ ** _ has added  _ **_redruby_ ** _ and  _ **_dorothy_ ** _ to  _ **_LISTEN_ **

 

**zelena:** nvm take it back

 

**snow:** you said to add my friends!!! 

 

**zelena:** i forgot that dorothy and toto were your only friends

 

**snow:** (• ε •) (• ε •) (• ε •)

 

**redruby:** ooo what’s this

 

**redruby:** oh ugh

 

**redruby:** why does the green bitch have to be in every chat that we get added into

 

**dorothy:** calm down wolfy, you don’t want to accidentally wolf up and ruin your nails

 

**snow:** nails???

 

**dorothy:** we’re getting pedicures for our bridal shower in two days

 

**snow:** oh yeah!!! Can’t wait btw!!

 

**zelena:** bridal shower????

 

**zelena:** um ??? i don’t recall receiving an invitation??? 

 

**redruby:** you didn’t

 

**dorothy:** it must’ve gotten lost in the mail or something idk

 

**snow:** LOOOOOL

 

**snow:** awkward

 

**zelena:** never in my life have i been so disrespected

 

**snow:** don’t you say that like every week or

 

**zelena:** no 

 

**redruby:** okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

 

**redruby:** so what’s up?

 

**snow:** oh you know the usual

 

**snow:** but idk zelena made this chat to start a club or something… idk

 

**snow:** you never did tell us what was the point of this chat??   
  


**zelena:** uh but i did???

 

**davidcharming:** i mean technically, it seems like you just created this chat to complain about your sister and our daughter?

 

**dorothy:** what about emma and regina?

 

**snow:** apparently, zelena has “had it up to HERE” with emma and regina’s obliviousness towards their feelings for each other

 

**redruby:** oh 

 

**redruby:** i mean i think we’ve ALL had it up to HERE with their obliviousness

 

**rumple:** honestly now that i think about it, i think she just started this chat because she has no other friends to vent with

 

**rumple:** which, by the way, i’m insulted that you consider us friends

 

**zelena:** uHH I HAVE FRIENDS THANK YOU VERY MUCH

 

**rumple:** your sister doesn’t count

 

**rumple:** neither do the charmings

 

**rumple:** or your daughter

 

**zelena:** well….

 

**rumple:** my point exactly

 

**zelena:** oh shut up you old hag it’s not like you have any friends either

 

**rumple:** oh i know but at least i’ve never claimed to 

 

**redruby:** wow must be pretty desperate for some friends if you were willing to add gold into this chat

 

**zelena:** oh shut your bloody beak dog

 

**redruby:** dogs don’t have beaks

 

**dorothy:** you know zelena, maybe if you were nicer then you’d have more friends

 

**zelena:** why am i getting an odd sense of déjà vu

 

**redruby:** don’t bother babe, we all saw how she failed terribly at her attempt to be nice last time

 

**zelena:** I TRIED OKAY I TRIED TO BE REALLY NICE TO PEOPLE BUT THEY ALL REALLY SUCK AND I JUST COULDNT DO IT

 

**zelena:** but at least i won our instagram competition, i got the most likes on my my christmas post as you all know xxxx

 

**dorothy:** didn’t you threaten people to like your post?

 

**zelena:** you have no proof of that

 

**dorothy:** hmmm

 

**zelena:** anyways what were we talking about???

 

**rumple:** i mean you all were having like different conversations on like 3 different topics, be more specific 

 

**snow:** uhhh

 

**snow:** okay so it was 

 

**snow:** zelena’s inability to be nice

 

**snow:** dorothy n ruby’s bridal shower that zelena wasn’t invited to

 

**zelena:** which by the way, sounds like it’s going be a total snoozer 

 

**snow:** uhhh zelena threatening innocent civilians to like her christmas instagram post in order to win the bet

 

**zelena:** like i said, you have no proof of that

 

**redruby:** didn’t you threaten the customers at granny’s right in front of me???

 

**zelena:** again, nothing that you can prove

 

**snow:** before that, we were talking about emma n regina

 

**zelena:** oh right the idiots in love

 

**davidcharming:** also we asked what the purpose of this chat was, something you still haven’t replied to

 

**zelena:** well damn i didn’t think i needed to justify making a bloody group chat

 

**zelena:** but i suppose it wouldn’t be a bad idea to take some action

 

**redruby:** … what kind of action??

 

**dorothy:** whatever it is it’s probably something dangerous

 

**snow:** that’s true

 

**davidcharming:** yup

 

**zelena:** wow

 

**zelena:** i was just gonna suggest an innocent little meddling

 

**snow:** ooooo

 

**snow:** well, you know i like the sound of that

 

**snow:** (¬‿¬) (¬‿¬) (¬‿¬)

 

**rumple:** not that i care enough to remember, but i could’ve sworn the last time you two tried meddling in regina’s life, it ended up chaotic 

 

**rumple:** not to mention that you ended up interrupting belle and i’s date night

 

**redruby:** i heard there was a mini food fight, sounded fun!

 

**redruby:** we should have a food fight at our wedding

 

**dorothy:** we are not having a food fight at our wedding

 

**redruby:** why not :(((

 

**dorothy:** because it’s our wedding???

 

**dorothy:** it’s too messy, i don’t want to get covered in stains 

 

**dorothy:** plus over granny’s dead body, you know she’d never allow you to have a food fight at our own wedding

 

**redruby:** :(

 

**redruby:** you two are no fun

 

**zelena:** huh

 

**snow:** what

 

**zelena:** as much as i hate to say this

 

**zelena:** i think dorothy, toto, and the hag may have made some points

 

**redruby:** can’t say im surprised

 

**snow:** uh points?? what kind of points??

 

**zelena:** we were very messy last time we tried to meddle

 

**zelena:** if we’re going to do this, then we need to play our cards carefully

 

**snow:** wait cards?

 

**davidcharming:** do what exactly?

 

**rumple:** why am i here again?

 

**dorothy:** yeah i’m wondering that too, ruby and i were talking about food fights at our wedding?

 

**redruby:** what’s this about meddling i’m hearing?

 

**zelena:** UHH HELLO

 

**zelena:** CAN YOU NOT READ???

 

**zelena:** im saYING we r going to meddle in regina and emma’s love lifes and get the together!

 

**zelena:** bc idk about yall but i’d like to be able stomach my breakfast every time the savior decides to show up unannounced

 

**zelena:** and i canT deal with that in the mornings

 

**zelena:** if they start dating then they’ll start going to dinner dates instead, leaving me to enjoy the peace of my mornings

 

**snow:** (• ε •)

 

**snow:** how exciting, you know i love LOVE 

 

**snow:** ok david and i are in

 

**redruby:** i mean if we don’t give them a push then im afraid they’ll spend the rest of their lives pathetically pinning for one another and that’s just too painful to watch

 

**dorothy:** no one should have to watch that

 

**zelena:** trust me, i know

 

**rumple:** wow

 

**zelena:** what

 

**rumple:** never thought you’d be so open over doing something nice for your sister, i’m shocked

 

**zelena:** oh no no no

 

**zelena:** im doing this for ME

 

**zelena:** like i said 

 

**zelena:** i’m not a morning person so i don’t even want the savior anywhere NEAR me at that time

 

**zelena:** especially not with those disgusting heart eyes that she brings with her EW

 

**zelena:** i feel like puking just at the thought of it

 

**rumple:** hmm if you say so

 

**zelena:** shUT UP

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**reginamills:** hmmmm

 

**emmaswan:** what

 

**emmaswan:** something happen?

 

**reginamills:** oh no, i’m fine i just

 

**reginamills:** where is everybody?

 

**reginamills:** it’s 4:36 and still no chirpy text message from snow and no complaint text messages from zelena

 

**reginamills:** how odd

 

**emmaswan:** huh

 

**emmaswan:** that’s weird

 

**emmaswan:** i’m at the station with my dad and he’s on his phone, so it’s not like he’s busy

 

**emmaswan:** dad!!!!!!!!!!

 

**henrymills:** same with aunty zelena, she hasn’t put her phone down since she put robyn down for her nap

 

**emmaswan:** weird

 

**reginamills:** indeed

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_LISTEN_ **

 

**snow:** DID YOU SEE THEIR MESSAGES !!!!

 

**snow:** THEYRE ONTO USSSSSSSSS

 

**zelena:** oh relax

 

**zelena:** just reply 

 

**zelena:** be natural

 

**zelena:** they won’t suspect a thing

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**zelena:** we have LIVES outside of you two, you know

 

**snow:** yeah, we’re just busy, busy, busy!

 

**snow:** i mean what else would we be doing???

 

**snow:** LOL

 

**zelena:** ….

 

**emmaswan:** okay…?

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_LISTEN_ **

 

**zelena:** YOU CALL THAT ACTING NATURAL???

 

**snow:** uH yes???

 

**snow:** i’m a teacher zelena, i’m a VERY busy woman!!

 

**zelena:** a busy woman who’s TERRIBLE at keeping a secret

 

**redruby:** just avoid the topic and you should be fine, no?

 

**snow:** okay !!!

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**snow:** why? don’t tell me you’ve missed us?!

 

**reginamills:** never

 

**reginamills:** i was just checking up, making sure you all weren’t dead or whatever

 

**emmaswan:** yh mom, it’s pretty weird not to hear from you via text all day lol 

 

**davidcharming:** well, we are very busy people sweetie

 

**emmaswan:** it’s been a slow day today dad??

 

**emmaswan:** i mean you should know given how you’ve had your eyes glued onto your phone for these last two hours or so

 

**davidcharming:** oh you know…

 

**davidcharming:** just checking my emails

 

**emmaswan:** emails??

 

**emmaswan:** since when do you have an email ?

 

**davidcharming:** since forever emma

 

**emmaswan:** uhh okayyyy

 

**emmaswan:** i mean you never mentioned having one 

 

**davidcharming:** well, we all have our own secrets

 

**emmaswan:** okayyyyyyyyyy then 

 

**henrymills:** hmmmmmmmm

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_emmaswan_ ** _ has created the chat  _ **_WHAT IS GOING ON??_ **

 

**_emmaswan_ ** _ has added  _ **_reginamills_ ** _ to  _ **_WHAT IS GOING ON??_ **

 

**reginamills:** i’m assuming you want to know what is going on?

 

**emmaswan:** something is going on

 

**emmaswan:** my detective senses are tingling

 

**emmaswan:** that and my dad refuses to look me in the eye so

 

**reginamills:** oh no

 

**emmaswan:** what???????

 

**reginamills:** they either 

 

**reginamills:** broke something or

 

**reginamills:** they accidentally released some monster into town and are trying to cover the fact that they did because they know they’ll be in one hell of a trouble if i, the mayor of this town, found out 

 

**reginamills:** or

 

**emmaswan:** or maybe we’re overthinking?

 

**reginamills:** we should investigate

 

**emmaswan:** investigate??

 

**reginamills:** you know, patrol the town after dinner… to check if nothing’s out of the ordinary

 

**emmaswan:** oh as in you and me? together?

 

**reginamills:** that is what the word  _ we  _ implies

 

**emmaswan:** ohhhh

 

**reginamills:** what? did you have plans tonight? If so it’s completely fine, i could just ask mal or mulan to help me check it out, if not i don’t mind going alone

 

**emmaswan:** i’ll go

 

**emmaswan:** i mean no offence to maleficent or mulan, but if they did end up accidentally releasing some kind of monster into town, then i’m obviously the best fitted to join you in your search for it

 

**reginamills:** hmmm well aren’t you cocky

 

**emmaswan:** well, i am the savior ;)

 

**emmaswan:** besides we’re a good team together

 

**reginamills:** that we are

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**snow:** so i’ve been super busy grading papers, you know, the usual

 

**snow:** so many papers

 

**davidcharming:** so many emails

 

**emmaswan:** okay mom dad

 

**emmaswan:** we get it you’re busy people

 

**emmaswan:** sorry for interrupting? i guess???

 

**snow:** no problem sweetie <3 see you later

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_LISTEN_ **

 

**redruby:** so did they buy it

 

**snow:** i think they bought it

 

**davidcharming:** yup they don’t suspect a thing!

 

**zelena:** ...

 

**zelena:** THIS is why it’s so HARD to be nice!!!!!!!

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do any of the characters have confirmed birthdays?
> 
> Thank y'all for reaching over 400 kudos! I hope you enjoy this update!


	12. Regina's Fishy Birthday

 

**_LISTEN_ **

 

**zelena:** i’ve done it!

 

**snow:** oh no

 

**davidcharming:** i’m scared to ask

 

**redruby:** i am too tbh

 

**rumple:** unless if you found a way to cure a baby’s stomach ache w/o using magic, then i’m uninterested

 

**snow:** oh no, is baby gideon still sick

 

**rumple:** unfortunately

 

**rumple:** i have the perfect spell to cure him but belle doesn’t want me using magic to cure him

 

**redruby:** well i don’t blame her

 

**dorothy:** yeah, i mean i’m no magic expert or whatever but doesn’t magic always come with a price?

 

**davidcharming:** yup

 

**davidcharming:** when neal has a stomach ache we usually just take him to the doctor

 

**rumple:** over my dead body will whale ever lay a finger on my son

 

**zelena:** i

 

**zelena:** omg just give him yogurt that’s what helps robyn

 

**zelena:** now can we go back to what i was going to say!!!!!!

 

**redruby:** see that right there babe, that’s being self centered

 

**redruby:** me checking myself out in the mirror isn’t btw x

 

**dorothy:** hmmmmm

 

**snow:** what is it zelena

 

**zelena:** wow  i never thought i’d say this but

 

**zelena:** thank you, snow white

 

**snow:** ( ▀ ͜͞ʖ▀) ( ▀ ͜͞ʖ▀) ( ▀ ͜͞ʖ▀)

 

**zelena:** i regretted the words as soon as i hit ‘send’

 

**redruby:** oml can u get to the point already

 

**zelena:** shut up toto

 

**zelena:** now i’ve lost my train of thought

 

**zelena:** what was i going to say

 

**snow:** uh ಠ_ಠ

 

**zelena:** oh RIGHT

 

**zelena:** as you all know, today’s regina’s birthday

 

**davidcharming:** yes

 

**snow:** duh

 

**redruby:** oh yeah

 

**snow:** weren’t we all going to eat at that new place eric and ariel opened on the other side of town

 

**snow:** heard it’s hard to get reservations so that means it must be good

 

**redruby:** dorothy and i went to eat there last weekend and honestly it’s not that great

 

**dorothy:** i liked it

 

**dorothy:** ruby just doesn’t like seafood

 

**redruby:** fish are so scaly and gross i don’t get how you all eat it willingly

 

**davidcharming:** speak for yourself, i love seafood

 

**davidcharming:** in fact, i love it so much that i haven’t eaten anything today in order to save room for the buffet tonight

 

**dorothy:** it was good, but don’t get your hopes up too high

 

**dorothy:** it was mostly vegan food with like three orders of shrimp and fish on the menu

 

**davidcharming:** oh 

 

**davidcharming:** i guess that makes sense

 

**davidcharming:** still can’t wait tho

 

**zelena:** gee david, you shouldn’t be

 

**zelena:** seriously, you shouldn’t be cus we’re not going

 

**davidcharming:** what??

 

**snow:** why??? 

 

**snow:** was there a change in plans that we weren’t informed of or???   
  


**zelena:** oh no regina’s still celebrating her birthday at eric and ariel’s new diner

 

**zelena:** except neither one of us will be showing up

 

**snow:** whaaaaaaaaaaaaat

 

**snow:** zelena, we can’t just ditch regina on her birthday!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**snow:** ಠ╭╮ಠ ಠ╭╮ಠ ಠ╭╮ಠ

 

**zelena:** ……….

 

**zelena:** david, what are you feeding your wife bc she’s getting dumber by the day

 

**davidcharming:** we ate tacos last night

 

**snow:** huh

 

**zelena:** snow THIS WAS YOUR PLAN WHAT

 

**snow:** what PLAN?!!

 

**zelena:** LAST WEEK??? 

 

**zelena:** aT THE BAR???

 

**zelena:** WHILE WE WERE SCHEMING AND TRYING TO COME UP WITH WAYS TO GET REGINA AND EMMA TO ADMIT THEIR FEELINGS YOU SAID “WHY DON’T WE JUST SET THEM UP ON A BLIND DATE LIKE THEY DID IN THAT MOVIE WITH THE TWINS”

 

**snow:** oHHHHH YEAH

 

**snow:** but i was tipsy i didn’t think you took me seriously

 

**snow:** i also didn’t think we were doing this on her birthday?!?!?!

 

**redruby:** wait you went drinking with her

 

**snow:** eh zelena has no friends and regina n emma refuse to go near a bar with me

 

**snow:** so i figured, why not

 

**zelena:** AGAIN I DO HAVE FRIENDS

 

**zelena:** you just don’t know of them

 

**dorothy:** sure

 

**zelena:** i hate you

 

**dorothy:** you’re still not invited to our wedding

 

**zelena:** lol sweetie

 

**zelena:** i think we ALL know that i’m going to be at that wedding 

 

**davidcharming:** wait so what you’re saying is

 

**davidcharming:** we’re NOT going to eat at eric and ariel’s new restaurant after all?

 

**zelena:** wow what was in those tacos you two ate last night

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**emmaswan:** hey guys

 

**emmaswan:** does anyone know exactly how to get to ariel and eric’s restaurant

 

**emmaswan:** also what time are we supposed to be there, again?

 

**reginamills:** yeah, zelena you didn’t exactly tell us when and where we’d meet

 

**zelena:** wow what kind of a sheriff doesn’t know the way around their own town smh

 

**zelena:** oh and we’ll be meeting there at 7:30!

 

**snow:** but you totally shouldn’t wait for us!!!

 

**davidcharming:** just go on inside when you get there there’s no need to wait for us outside

 

**reginamills:** oh okay

 

**reginamills:** i suppose it is a little chilly for henry to wait outside anyways

 

**zelena:** HENRY

 

**henrymills:** what

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_LISTEN_ **

 

**zelena:** I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO INFORM HENRY OF OUR PLAN 

 

**snow:** wow

 

**snow:** who’s the dumb one now??????

 

**zelena:** shUT UP

 

**rumple:** frankly, i’d say it’s an equal tie between the both of you

 

**zelena:** SHUT UP HAG DONT YOU HAVE A SICK BABY TO BE ATTENDING TO

 

**snow:** (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง

 

**redruby:** wait you guys didn’t tell henry you’re trying to get his moms together???

 

**dorothy:** yeah, he’s literally their biggest supporter and you didn’t think of including him

 

**zelena:** i

 

**zelena:** hold on

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**zelena:** henry dear, you mind bringing your aunty z her leg warmers from the laundry room

 

**henrymills:** uhhh okay, i guess

 

**reginamills:** please don’t tell me you’re planning on wearing leg warmers to my birthday dinner

 

**zelena:** it’s called fashion, little sis, you wouldn’t understand x

 

**emmaswan:** oh please, regina has a way better sense of fashion than you zelena

 

**zelena:** uhh i’m sorry, savior, i don’t recall asking for the opinion of the woman who wears the same 4 skinny jeans every week

 

**emmaswan:** at least regina wouldn’t have a problem with me wearing one of my skinny jeans to her birthday dinner like she would with you wearing leg warmers, right regina?

 

**reginamills:** please do not involve me in yet another one of your childish arguments

 

**reginamills:** though, emma is right zelena… everyone knows that skinny jeans look a whole lot better on someone than leg warmers do

 

**reginamills:** i actually do admire the unique essence that skinny jeans contribute to the fashion industry

 

**zelena:** yeah i’m sure you do admire their ‘unique essence’ whenever the savior wears a pair

 

**reginamills:** i don’t get your point?

 

**zelena:** i

 

**zelena:** you can’t see me rn but i just facepalmed rn

 

**snow:** don’t worry, i got u

 

**snow:** (>ლ)

 

**henrymills:** that doesn’t rlly look like a facepalm emoji grandma

 

**snow:** meh i tried

 

**henrymills:** oh and aunty z, i have your leg warmers

 

**reginamills:** zelena, if you wear those leg warmers to my dinner i’m going to set them on fire

 

**emmaswan:** wow that’d be hot

 

**reginamills:** what

 

**snow:** OH I THINK NEAL JUST CALLED ME

 

**snow:** COMING NEAL!!!!!!!!

 

**emmaswan:** whaT

 

**emmaswan:** oM I MEANY BECAUSE OF THE FIREW

 

**emmaswan:** it’D BE HOT BECAUSE OF THE FIRE!!!!

 

**reginamills:** ..

 

**zelena:** UH HUH 

 

**zelena:** well this just got awkward

 

**zelena:** bye

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_LISTEN_ **

 

**_zelena_ ** _ had added  _ **_henrymills_ ** _ to  _ **_LISTEN_ **

 

**redruby:** hi henry!

 

**henrymills:** you told ruby the plan before me???

 

**henrymills:** now i’m definitely offended

 

**zelena:** i deeply apologize beautiful nephew of mine

 

**henrymills:** :/

 

**snow:** so, what’d you think of the plan??

 

**snow:** genius, right?

 

**snow:** i came up with it!

 

**zelena:** alright, don’t get too ahead of yourself, snow

 

**zelena:** if anyone should be receiving any credit for this idea, it should be ME

 

**zelena:** i mean i am the one who made the reservations and everything x 

 

**dorothy:** well considering that none of you will be there with them tonight, is there really any way of knowing if your plan was a success or not?

 

**redruby:** true, i doubt they’ll want to talk about it with their nosy parents and sister

 

**davidcharming:** hey

 

**davidcharming:** i’m not THAT nosy

 

**henrymills:** all of you are nosy smh

 

**henrymills:** who makes a group chat for the sole purpose of discussing the love life of two middle aged women?

 

**zelena:** speak for yourself mr ‘add me to the group chat i wanna see what you guys talk about’ 

 

**henrymills:** hey i’m their son

 

**henrymills:** it’s my job 

 

**snow:** hmmm 

 

**snow:** i think ruby n dorothy might be right tho

 

**snow:** how would we know if this plan will work

 

**zelena:** simple

 

**zelena:** if none of them come home tonight it’s cus they rented a room at granny’s to  _ you know… _

 

**henrymills:** nO wE DO NOT KNOW

 

**snow:** ರ_ರ

 

**dorothy:** okay but there’s no guarantee that they’ll even admit their feelings towards each other tonight

 

**redruby:** she’s right

 

**redruby:** i mean this  _ IS  _ emma and regina who we’re dealing with here

 

**zelena:** hmmm

 

**zelena:** unless

 

**snow:** oh no i don’t like the sound of that

 

**henrymills:** unless what

 

**zelena:** unless if we cook up a truth potion real quick 

 

**zelena:** slip it into their drinks

 

**zelena:** and let the magic do it’s work ;)

 

**snow:** nO

 

**snow:** we are NOT using magic on my daughter and regina, zelena!!

 

**zelena:** aw why not, it might speed things up

 

**dorothy:** did you not read when i said that ‘magic always comes with a price’ earlier?

 

**zelena:** i did i just choose to ignore your messages

 

**dorothy:** wow

 

**zelena:** c’mon it’s a good plan, isn’t it?

 

**zelena:** not to mention that i could easily have the potion ready in like twenty minutes

 

**rumple:** actually, a good truth potion takes at least an hour to prepare

 

**snow:** i forgot he was even in here tbh 

 

**henrymills:** wOW he was in here before ME??

 

**zelena:** wdym one hour???

 

**zelena:** back in oz all it took was twenty minutes and the potion was good to go

 

**rumple:** i’m just saying

 

**rumple:** if you want the potion to work

 

**rumple:** it takes an hour to prepare

 

**zelena:** hM well 

 

**zelena:** thanks for your unnecessary advice but i think i’ve got this

 

**rumple:** don’t tell me i didn’t try

 

**zelena:** k

 

**snow:** waiT WE DIDNT EVEN AGREE ON THE POTION IDEA

 

**zelena:** good thing we didn’t vote then, huh?

 

**snow:** ◉_◉

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**emmaswan:** almost 7:30 omw

 

**reginamills:** henry, zelena we should get going too

 

**henrymills:** uhhh

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_LISTEN_ **

 

**henrymills:** HOW DO WE GET HER TO LEAVE WITHOUT US

 

**zelena:** we don’t

 

**zelena:** you’re going

 

**henrymills:** wHAT i thought you told me i couldn’t so that they would have some alone time?

 

**zelena:** well change of plans kid, i need you to go that way in twenty or so minutes when this potion is done, i will drive by and give it to you for you to slip it into their drinks

 

**zelena:** then after you’ve seen that they’ve drinken a decent amount, you will ask them about their feelings, before quietly excusing yourself from the table n let them talk in private

 

**henrymills:** okay?

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**henrymills:** i’ll be down in a minute mom

 

**reginamills:** ok dear

 

**reginamills:** zelena??

 

**zelena:** uhh robyn’s a little fussy rn

 

**zelena:** you and henry go on, we’ll meet you guys there x

 

**reginamills:** hm alright

 

**reginamills:** i better not see you show up wearing leg warmers though

 

**zelena:** oh don’t worry about that sis

 

**zelena:** i can guarantee you won’t be seeing any leg warmers tonight 

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_LISTEN_ **

 

**snow:** alright henry

 

**snow:** you guys have been there for 10 minutes

 

**snow:** how’s it going

 

**henrymills:** well

 

**henrymills:** aside from wondering where the hell everyone else is

 

**henrymills:** i can’t tell if they’re flirting or bickering

 

**henrymills:** but they’re talking about ma’s horrible eating habbits

 

**redruby:** do those two even know the difference between bickering and flirting

 

**dorothy:** ^^^

 

**henrymills:** idk but aunty z can you PLEASE hurry up with that potion

 

**henrymills:** they’re trying to include me in their conversations and it’s WEIRD 

 

**zelena:** just ten more minutes henry!!!

 

**davidcharming:** oh and henry 

 

**davidcharming:** you should bring me some food from there after your aunt zelena picks you up

 

**davidcharming:** since i haven’t EATEN all day 

 

**redruby:** i see someone’s still upset they had to cancel their dinner plans 

 

**davidcharming:** you just don’t understand my love for seafood

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**emmaswan:** uhhh hello???

 

**emmaswan:** where are you guys??

 

**emmaswan:** it’s 7:45!!!!!!!

 

**emmaswan:** i wanna eat!!!!!!!!!!

 

**henrymills:** yes, PLEASE HURRY

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_LISTEN_ **

 

**henrymills:** i mean it aunty z 

 

**henrymills:** PLEASE HURRY

 

**henrymills:** mom deciding to wear a dress that reveals a lil too much in the chest area and ma keeps forgetting that mom’s eyes are on her face 

 

**henrymills:** ಥ_ಥ ಥ_ಥ ಥ_ಥ

 

**henrymills:** tHEYRE REALLY ACTING LIKE THIS RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD

 

**snow:** ohhh henry, you ordered a salad? I’m so glad you’re taking after regina’s eat habits rather than emma’s

 

**henrymills:** ….it’s a meme grandma

 

**snow:** ooo which meme? I love a good laugh

 

**redruby:** dONT SEND IT TO HER 

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**snow:** oh no!!!!!!

 

**emmaswan:** what’s wrong

 

**emmaswan:** are you guys almost here

 

**davidcharming:** we were but it seems like we hit something along the way

 

**davidcharming:** darn!!

 

**reginamills:** please don’t tell me you hit one of ruby’s family members 

 

**snow:** no!!!!!!!!!!

 

**davidcharming:** just a flat tire

 

**snow:** TWO FLAT TIRES HE MEANS

 

**davidcharming:** and we have no spare

 

**snow:** :(

 

**emmaswan:** oh that sucks, do you want me to go pick you guys up?

 

**reginamills:** or i could get zelena to teleport you all to the restaurant

 

**snow:** nO NEED

 

**davidcharming:** we already called for some backup 

 

**davidcharming:** you guys can start eating w/o us tho!!

 

**emmaswan:** oh okay, well lmk if you guys need any help

 

**snow:** will do!!!!

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_LISTEN_ **

 

**henrymills:** i didn’t think it was possible to be such a terrible liar via texting

 

**henrymills:** but you two proved me wrong

 

**snow:** did they buy it though???

 

**henrymills:** i guess?

 

**snow:** then i guess we’re not so bad then, huh x 

 

**zelena:** UH OH

 

**redruby:** oh no

 

**snow:** what happened?!?!?!

 

**davidcharming:** zelena?????????

 

**zelena:** ….

 

**zelena:** i might’ve fucked up…

 

**rumple:** what did you do now?

 

**zelena:** ariel and eric’s restaurant is by the docks, right?

 

**henrymills:** yeah…. why?

 

**zelena:** good to know……..

 

**zelena:** charmings, you mind watching my little robyn while i make a quick visit to the docks

 

**snow:** uh sure but what’s wrong

 

**davidcharming:** did you finish the potion?

 

**zelena:** i finished something, alright

 

**redruby:** oh god what did you do?

 

**zelena:** nothing toto mind your own business!!

 

**zelena:** does anyone know that little mermaid’s number by the way??

 

**snow:** i-

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_zelena_ ** _ has created the chat  _ **_DONT ASK QUESTIONS THIS IS AN EMERGENCY_ **

 

**_zelena_ ** _ has added  _ **_lil mermaid_ ** _ to the chat _

 

 **lil** **mermaid** ** _:_** uh what do you want?

 

**lil mermaid:** kinda busy atm

 

**zelena:** DID YOU NOT READ THE CHAT NAME 

 

**zelena:** this is an EMERGENCY!!!

 

**lil mermaid:** what is

 

**zelena:** LISTEN THERE MAY OR MAY NOT BE A KRAKEN IN THOSE DOCKS SO I NEED YOU TO GET YOUR LITTLE ROYAL SEA ARMY TO LOOK AROUND AND MAKE SURE THAT THERE ISNT ONE

 

**lil mermaid:** WHAT

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_LISTEN_ **

 

**snow:** PLEASE DONT TELL ME YOURE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT KRAKEN IN OUR DOCKS THAT ARIEL JUST TEXTED ME ABOUT

 

**zelena:** i’m not responsible for that kraken in our docks that ariel just texted you about

 

**snow:** zelenA!!!

 

**zelena:** what you told me not to tell you

 

**davidcharming:** wait, there’s a kraken in our DOCKS??

 

**redruby:** HOW THE HELL DID YOU EVEN GET A KRAKEN IN THE FIRST PLACE???

 

**rumple:** way to go zelena

 

**henrymills:** WHAT

 

**zelena:** it was an accident!!!

 

 **zelena:** SHUT UP GRANDPA and henry don’t tell your moms!!!!! I HAVE THIS UNDER CONTROL

 

**dorothy:** how does one accidentally release a kraken when trying to make a truth serum ?

 

**zelena:** i went to regina’s vault to prepare it

 

**zelena:** and as i was waiting for it to prepare

 

**zelena:** i opened one of cora’s books

 

**zelena:** and the next thing i know a kraken jumps out of the book and i teleport it to the docks before it can lay a tentacle on my little robyn

 

**snow:** you opened one of cora’s books…. remind me again who’s the dumb one here?

 

**zelena:** sHUT UPPPP

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**reginamills:** zelena where the hell are you?

 

**reginamills:** kinda rude for the host not to show up to her sister’s birthday dinner, don’t you think?

 

**emmaswan:** she’s not responding

 

**emmaswan:** she ded 

 

**reginamills:** if you’re dead, i’m going to be really pissed at you

 

**emmaswan:** or she probably just fell asleep tbh

 

**reginamills:** that does sound like zelena

 

**emmaswan:** we should just eat as much as we can and then use her credit card to pay for it

 

**reginamills:** ….how do you have her credit card?

 

**emmaswan:** i stole it this morning when she kept making fun of new sneakers

 

**emmaswan:** ex thief, remember? ;)

 

**reginamills:** hmm, well in zelena’s defence, they  _ do  _ kind of look like clown shoes

 

**emmaswan:** :((( they do NOT

 

**reginamills:** emma, they’re big and yellow

 

**emmaswan:** you know i like yellow

 

**reginamills:** well dear, i suppose you never did have the most exquisite taste

 

**emmaswan:** what’s wrong with yellow?????

 

**reginamills:** nothing

 

**reginamills:** black, is simply much better

 

**emmaswan:** hmmm

 

**emmaswan:** so you don’t like yellow by itself?

 

**reginamills:** not usually

 

**reginamills:** but i am willing to make exceptions

 

**emmaswan:** how about yellow WITH black?

 

**reginamills:** oh? What about it?

 

**emmaswan:** doesn’t that sound like a fun combo?

 

**reginamills:** it certainly does bring a unique essence to it

 

**henrymills:** uh you guys do know you’re sitting next to each other, right?

 

**henrymills:** no need for letting the entire family know how horrible my moms suck at flirting

 

**reginamills:** HENRY!

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_LISTEN_ **

 

**davidcharming:** that was painful to read

 

**snow:** david our daughter really tried to flirt with colors

 

**snow:** how will i ever live on with this shame

 

**redruby:** WAIT I WANNA SEE

 

**snow:** [  _ S C R E E N S H O T ] _

 

**_redruby:_ ** LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

**dorothy:** and granny thought we were bad

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_DONT ASK QUESTIONS THIS IS AN EMERGENCY_ **

 

**lil mermaid:** i hope you have a good plan to get rid of that kraken before it wakes up

 

**zelena:** uh who do you think you’re talking to, my little red-headed troll?

 

**lil mermaid:** i’m a mermaid not a troll…

 

**zelena:** same thing and

 

**zelena:** of COURSE i have a plan

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_LISTEN_ **

 

**zelena:** I DONT HAVE A PLAN TO GET RID OF THE KRAKEN

 

**snow:** WHAT

 

**rumple:** idiot

 

**henrymills:** wHAT 

 

**henrymills:** IN CASE YOU HAVENT REALIZED AUNTY Z

 

**henrymills:** THE RESTAURANT IS LITERALLY RIGHT NEXT TO THE DOCKS

 

**henrymills:** MEANING THAT IF THE KRAKEN WANTED TO IT COULD BREAK IN WITH ONE OF ITS TENTACLES AN SUFFOCATE ME TO DEATH

 

**zelena:** oh dont worry about that, it’s dormant at the moment

 

**zelena:** i placed a temporary sleeping spell on it

 

**zelena:** if i could i wouldve placed it under a sleeping curse but

 

**zelena:** over my dead body would i rip out my little robyn’s heart for a stupid curse

 

**davidcharming:** what do we do then???

 

**zelena:** uh you’re going to keep my baby as far away from the docks as possible, that’s what you two are going to do

 

**snow:** then how are you going to get rid of the kraken?

 

**zelena:** rumple?

 

**rumple:** i’m not leaving my sick son or my wife

 

**rumple:** especially not now when you’ve released a monster with tentacles long enough to reach into some parts of town

 

**rumple:** this is your mistake to clean up

 

**zelena:** HARSH

 

**zelena:** can’t you at least tell me what you’d do in this situation?

 

**rumple:** well for starters, i wouldn’t even be in this situation because no one in their right minds would ever open one of cora’s books without knowing what was inside

 

**zelena:** i know old age tends to lead to memory loss rumple, so in case if you forgot, i’ve only met the woman once

 

**zelena:** forgIVE ME for not knowing better when I hardly knew anything about her

 

**snow:** :///

 

**rumple:** ugh

 

**davidcharming:** what

 

**rumple:** belle just read her message and is making me tell her how to get rid of the damn creature

 

**redruby:** that’s what you get for marrying literally the nicest woman in the world

 

**dorothy:** she’s right, i’ve never met anyone THAT nice

 

**snow:** true

 

**henrymills:** idk if you all forgot but there’s a sleeping kraken nearby that could wake up any moment

 

**henrymills:** so i guess what i’m trying to get at is

 

**henrymills:** hOW DO WE GET RID OF IT

 

**rumple:** alright, alright!   
  


**rumple:** zelena, if you want to get rid of it then you’re going to need to follow my instructions step-by-step

 

**rumple:** you mess up and you might make things worse for everyone

 

**rumple:** so FULL PRESSURE 

 

**zelena:** just get to the point already, would you

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**reginamills:** i feel like i always somehow end up asking this but

 

**reginamills:** ZELENA WHAT DID YOU DO?

 

**zelena:** WDYM???

 

**reginamills:** we just overheard ariel telling eric something about a kraken in the docks??

 

**zelena:** uhhhhhhhh yeah??? 

 

**zelena:** it’s the latest movie in theaters, don’t tell me you haven’t heard of it??

 

**zelena:** i mean, i know you’re old regina but at least check social media every once in a while!!

 

 **emmaswan:** wait, there’s a movie about a kraken?

 

**reginamills:** she’s lying, emma focus!

 

**emmaswan:** oh :/

 

**zelena:** how would you know, you don’t even use your facebook account

 

**emmaswan:** facebook’s overrated tbh

 

**reginamills:** i do have social media unlike you though, i don’t spend every moment of my life on it

 

**zelena:** well maybe if you did, then you would’ve heard of the movie

 

**reginamills:** stop trying to change the subject!

 

**zelena:** i’m not!

 

**reginamills:** zelena!

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_LISTEN_ **

 

**zelena:** THEYRE ONTO ME

 

**zelena:** THAT DAMN LITTLE MERMAID CANT KEEP HER MOUTH SHUT

 

**rumple:** looks like she has something in common with snow

 

**snow:** HEY!

 

**snow:** for the last time

 

**snow:** I WAS TEEEEEEEEEEN

 

**zelena:** HENRY DISTRACT YOUR MOMS WHILE I GO SCUBA DIVING IN ORDER TO TRAP THE KRAKEN BACK IN CORA’S BOOK

 

**henrymills:** ...do you even know how to scuba dive?

 

**zelena:** no

 

**zelena:** but i figured, it can’t be harder than flying a broom right?

 

**redruby:** …. i know there’s like a giant, dangerous creature on the loose rn but

 

**redruby:** this i GOTTA see

 

**dorothy:** i’m right behind you

 

**rumple:** be sure to take a video, i’m in the mood for a good laugh

 

**zelena:** fuck off!!!!!!!!

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**reginamills:** why did the ground just tremble?

 

**emmaswan:** zelena??

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_LISTEN_ **

 

**snow:** dang it! 

 

**snow:** zelena’s underwater she can’t answer right now!!!!

 

**davidcharming:** what do we do?!!?

 

**redruby:** lie

 

**snow:** rUBY THERE IS A CHILD HERE

 

**snow:** LYING IS VERY BAD HENRY

 

**henrymills:** yeah, yeah whatever just tell them that it was a train or something?

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**_davidcharming:_ ** it was a train

 

**emmaswan:** trains pass by nearby all the time and it’s never made the ground tremble before

 

**snow:** it was a big train

 

**reginamills:** uh huh, fine, where’s my sister then?

 

**snow:** sleeping

 

**davidcharming:** meditating

 

**reginamills:** ….what

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_LISTEN_ **

 

**henrymills:** REALLY???

 

**henrymills:** they’re talking about LEAVING so much for a blind date!!!

 

**snow:** WAIT WE CAN STILL FIX THIS 

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**snow:** she was meditating and then fell asleep while she was doing so

 

**davidcharming:** that’s what happened

 

**emmaswan:** you believe this?

 

**reginamills:** no, i think they’re hiding something from us

 

**snow:** WHAT???

 

**snow:** LOL

 

**davidcharming:** doNT be ridiculous

 

**davidcharming:** i mean we’re just two people with three flat tires, what could we be hiding

 

**snow:** tWO TWO FLAT TIRES

 

**davidcharming:** two flat tires!

 

**reginamills:** hmmmmm

 

**emmaswan:** alright that’s it!

 

**emmaswan:** we’re coming out!

 

**snow:** (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)(;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)(;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

 

**snow:** OMG FINALLY!!!

 

**snow:** SO GLAD YOU TWO FINALLY DECIDED TO TAKE THIS IMPORTANT STEP IN YOUR LIVES

 

**reginamills:** snow, what on earth are you yapping about?!

 

**snow:** YOU TWO COMING OUT UWU

 

**henrymills:** alright, who taught grandma how to say UWU???

 

**emmaswan:** COMING OUT TO INVESTIGATE MOM GOSH

 

**snow:** (._.) ( l: ) ( .-. ) ( :l ) (._.)

 

**snow:** oh

 

**snow:** well this is awkward

 

**reginamills:** you think?

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_LISTEN_ **

 

**henrymills:** [ S C R E E N S H O T ]

 

**redruby:** LMAOOOOOOOO

 

**redruby:** snow i love you and your 2 brain cells

 

**snow:** :////

 

**henrymills:** they left the restaurant

 

**davidcharming:** well this plan was a failure

 

**snow:** can’t believe zelena’s plan failed

 

**dorothy:** i thought you said it was your plan?

 

**snow:** nope, it failed

 

**snow:** this was all zelena

 

**davidcharming:** btw, where is she?

 

**zelena:** I DID ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

 

**redruby:** you just had to summon her, didn’t you?

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**reginamills:** does someone want to explain to me why my sister is lying on the sand dressed in scuba gear?

 

**snow:** … david you wanna take this question?

 

**davidcharming:** nope i’m good, emma?

 

**emmaswan:** what?!?!?

 

**emmaswan:** ive been with regina this whole time, how tf should i know?

 

**snow:** idk you’re the savior sweetie

 

**snow:** figure it out ily

 

**snow:** bye happy birthday regina ily2

 

**snow:** *mutes*

 

**davidcharming:** *mutes*

 

**emmaswan:**  WHAT DO YOU MEAN FIGURE IT OUT

 

**emmaswan:** ALSO THATS NOT HOW YOU MUTE A PHONE

 

**reginamills:** sometimes i swear i’m the only mature one here…

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_later that night…_ **

 

**_LISTEN_ **

 

**snow:** HENRY YOU DIDN’T TELL ME THAT “RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD” MEME WAS A PORN CLIP

 

**redruby:** LMAOOOOOOOOO I TOLD YOU NOT TO LOOK IT UP

 

**snow:** HENRY IDGI HOW IS A PORN MEME FUNNY?!?!

 

**_henrymills_ ** _ has left the chat _

 

**zelena:** stop talking about porn snow and focus!!!!!

 

**zelena:** we need a better plan for next time

 

**davidcharming:** ONE THAT WILL ACTUALLY WORK

 

**zelena:** SHUT UP CHARMING IM TRYING TO THINK HERE

 

**redruby:** you know,,,,

 

**redruby:** i think i have one that just might work

 

**zelena:** ugh

 

**zelena:** fine toto, what is it

 

**redruby:** let’s lock them in a closet!

.  
  
.  
  
.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretend it's Feb 1st........
> 
> First draft got deleted so I hope this isn't too bad :/
> 
> Thank you all so much for all the nice comments on the last chapter, hope you enjoy this new one. Also, please excuse any grammatical errors!


	13. Locked in the Closet Part 1

**_family <3_ **

 

**snow:** PSSSSSST

 

**snow:** the trap is in position

 

**snow:** i repeat, the trap is in position!!!!

 

**emmaswan:** wha-

 

**reginamills:** ….what did you do now?

 

**davidcharming:** uh… honey

 

**snow:** ooPSSSS

 

**snow:** WRONG CHAT

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_LISTEN_ **

 

**snow:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

 

**snow:** I 

 

**snow:** DONT KNOW HOW

 

**snow:** THAT HAPPENED

 

**zelena:** wow

 

**zelena:** you’re an idiot

 

**snow:** :’((((((((

 

**zelena:** like really

 

**zelena:** such an idiot omg

 

**henrymills:** grandma i love you and believe me, this hurts me, but

 

**henrymills:** that was a dumb move omg

 

**snow:** I WASNY PAYING ATTENTIONNNN

 

**snow:** wasn’t* 

 

**snow:** :(((((((((9

 

**redruby:** what happened 

 

**zelena:** you’re best friend has tWO BRAIN CELLS THATS WHAT HAPPENED

 

**redruby:** i don’t follow???

 

**henrymills:** _ [ S C R E E N S H O T ] _

 

**redruby:** omg…..

 

**redruby:** snow, sweetie….

 

**snow:** :( 

 

**dorothy:** well

 

**dorothy:** maybe you can play it off 

 

**dorothy:** say you were playing a video game or something

 

**henrymills:** i doubt my moms will believe that.

 

**snow:** omG good idea dorothy!!!!!!

 

**snow:** brb!!!!!!!

 

**zelena:** has she ever even played a video game?

 

**davidcharming:** have you?

 

**zelena:** ...no

 

**davidcharming:** hmm

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**reginamills:** what is going on!!!

 

**reginamills:** you know, zelena’s been awfully quiet today too now i’m really getting suspicious

 

**reginamills:** not answering me will only make me even more suspicious snow!!!!!!!!!!

 

**emmaswan:** u probably scared her off w all those exclamation points

 

**reginamills:** emma, this is no time for jokes

 

**reginamills:** your mother and my sister are probably up to something again and we need to get to the bottom of it before this results in even more property damages!!

 

**emmaswan:** i was being serious,,,,

 

**emmaswan:** on the side note tho,,,,

 

**emmaswan:** “wrong chat” ???

 

**emmaswan:** since when does my own mother have another group chat besides this one?????

 

**emmaswan:** weird

 

**reginamills:** emma

 

**emmaswan:** yes?

 

**reginamills:** your mother?

 

**emmaswan:** huh

 

**emmaswan:** oh right!!

 

**emmaswan:** mom what r u up to!!!!!!!!!

 

**snow:** wdym sweetie????

 

**emmaswan:** you said that the trap was in position

 

**emmaswan:** what trap and for what?????

 

**reginamills:** most importantly, what kind of monster have you released into my town?

 

**snow:** ಠ_ಠ

 

**snow:** monster?

 

**snow:** there’s no monster

 

**emmaswan:** uh huh 

 

**emmaswan:** then what’s the trap for?

 

**reginamills:** or who?

 

**snow:** aw, look @ you 2 trying to interrogate me together

 

**snow:** how cute!!

 

**reginamills:** snow, this is serious

 

**emmaswan:** yeah mom! What’s going on???

 

**snow:** gee

 

**snow:** well if you MUST know

 

**snow:** that message was supposed to be sent to a different group chat

 

**snow:** my, uh,,,

 

**snow:** video game group chat….

 

**emmswan:** no seriously mom, what happened?

 

**snow:** i am serious, emma…

 

**emmaswan:** wha-

 

**snow:** sigh

 

**snow:** i have a confession to make 

 

**snow:** im not proud of it, but it’s the way it is

 

**emmaswan:** i repeat

 

**emmaswan:** what

 

**snow:** emma, david, regina, henry, zelena….

 

**snow:** is rumple still in this or has he left already? Idk but if youre in here rumple this confession is for u too!!!

 

**snow:** i,,,,,,,

 

**snow:** am a,,,,,,

 

**snow:** GAMER

 

**snow:** (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

 

**davidcharming:** GASP

 

**henrymills:** omg grandma...

 

**reginamills:** ….

 

**emmaswan:** huh

 

**zelena:** i-

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_LISTEN_ **

 

**_zelena_ ** _ changed the group name to  _ **_SNOW IS DUMB_ **

 

**snow:** (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง

 

**_snow_ ** _ changed the group name to  _ **_ZELENA IS MEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!_ **

 

**zelena:** better to be mean than dumb

 

**redruby:** do i even want to know what happened?

 

**henrymills:** no

 

**henrymills:** no you dont

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**emmaswan:** so let me get this straight….

 

**snow:** ha!

 

**henrymills:** “straight”

 

**emmaswan:** ?

 

**emmaswan:** my mom just came out…

 

**emmaswan:** as a GAMER???

 

**reginamills:** snow, have you ever even picked up a game console before?

 

**snow:** well,  i am currently holding one if you must know

 

**reginamills:** hmmm

 

**emmaswan:** where did you even get a console from….

 

**emmaswan:** i mean i’ve never seen one at home

 

**henrymills:** from me

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_ZELENA IS MEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!_ **

 

**snow:** thank u henry

 

**snow:** always has my back

 

**snow:** OTHERS CANT RELATE!!!

 

**zelena:** oh shut up

 

**zelena:** can’t believe im actually going to say this but

 

**zelena:** this is smart

 

**zelena:** keep them distracted while i cast the spell on the closet

 

**zelena:** regina will be able to sense me using magic if she’s not distracted

 

**snow:** oooo so you’re admitting that im smart then?

 

**zelena:** no

 

**zelena:** u made a dumb mistake but i just turned it into a smart change of plans

 

**_snow_ ** _ changed the group name to  _ **_HAHAHA_ **

 

**dorothy:** remind me again what exactly is the plan?

 

**zelena:** ok so i stole a spellbook from regina’s vault

 

**zelena:** i found a spell that the ancient witches used to play pranks on each other or to kill one another

 

**dorothy:** i regret asking

 

**zelena:** once casted on certain individuals, it will lead them to the desired location of the individual who cast the spell

 

**redruby:** wait, wait, WAIT

 

**zelena:** really … i was in the middle of explaining

 

**redruby:** you’re going to cast a spell on them???

 

**redruby:** do you want to die or???

 

**zelena:** what’s your point, toto

 

**redruby:** i meaN

 

**redruby:** aren’t you guys overcomplicating the entire plan??

 

**redruby:** when i suggested to lock them in a closet

 

**redruby:** i meant to just push them in and lock the door

 

**dorothy:** that’s what i thought she meant too…

 

**dorothy:** idk how they came up with casting spells from that

 

**snow:** ….

 

**snow:** oh

 

**zelena:** BE MORE SPECIFIC NEXT TIME

 

**redruby:** HOW MUCH MORE SPECIFIC CAN IT GET?????????

 

**redruby:** WHAT’S NOT SPECIFIC ABOUT “LOCK THEM IN A CLOSET”

 

**zelena:** ah!

 

**zelena:** but you didn’t specify how to lock them in a closet

 

**zelena:** therefore, i am right!

 

**redruby:** i-

 

**redruby:** and you say snow is dumb…

 

**snow:** >:(

 

**davidcharming:** hey honey, you do know they’re still waiting for your response on the family chat, right?

 

**snow:** oh right!!!!!

 

**snow:** brb!!!!!!!!

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**reginamills:** funny you say that, henry, because i could’ve sworn i saw you with your game console this morning

 

**reginamills:** and from what i can remember, you have not left your room since this morning

 

**reginamills:** so, can someone explain to me what is going on?

 

**reginamills:** and no more lies!!!!!!

 

**henrymills:** welp

 

**henrymills:** i tried!

 

**henrymills:** good luck explaining that one!

 

**_henrymills_ ** _ has left the chat _

 

**snow:** :O

 

**snow:** wow, it be your own grandson throwing you under the bus :(

 

**emmaswan:** mom

 

**snow:** yes sweetie?

 

**emmaswan:** i believe regina asked you what was going on

 

**emmaswan:** what are you up to?

 

**snow:** oh she did?

 

**snow:** i must not be receiving them

 

**snow:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

**emmaswan:** mom

 

**snow:** sigh!!!

 

**snow:** alright you caught me

 

**snow:** the truth is,,,

 

**snow:** i’m not really a gamer!

 

**snow:** :(

 

**reginamills:** i’m shocked

 

**emmaswan:** then why did you lie

 

**emmaswan:** who were you texting

 

**emmaswan:** and what trap were you talking about?

 

**snow:** i messed up!!!

 

**reginamills:** be more specific, this wouldn’t be the first time happening

 

**snow:** i think i might have accidentally released a demon from the underworld…

 

**reginamills:** A WHAT NOW???

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_HAHAHA_ **

 

**zelena:** what the hell are you doing!!!!!!!!

 

**zelena:** this wasn’t part of the plan!!!!!!!!!!

 

**snow:** IM FIXING THIS

 

**davidcharming:** im beginning to question why i got involved in this 

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**snow:** DONT WORRY IVE CAPTURED IT!!!!

 

**emmaswan:** how did you even get ahold of a demon from the underworld

 

**reginamills:** most importantly, why?????

 

**reginamills:** you know how dangerous that stuff is!!!

 

**snow:** uh…

 

**snow:** ITS NOT IMPORTANT HOW

 

**snow:** all that matters is that i’ve captured it!!!!!!!

 

**snow:** but..

 

**emmaswan:** but what

 

**snow:** i dont know how to get rid of it

 

**snow:** (._.) (._.) (._.) 

 

**snow:** pls don’t be mad 

 

**snow:** it was a stupid mistake

 

**snow:** and it won’t happen again!

 

**reginamills:** archie said that counting to 10 would help me ease my anger….

 

**emmaswan:** fine i’ll get rid of it

 

**emmaswan:** where did you trap it

 

**reginamills:** no, emma it’s too dangerous

 

**reginamills:** i can handle it

 

**reginamills:** trust me, i’ve dealt with worse

 

**reginamills:** a demon is nothing to me

 

**reginamills:** where did you trap it snow?

 

**snow:** uh

 

**emmaswan:** if it’s too dangerous for me then why isn’t it too dangerous for you too?

 

**reginamills:** i never said it wasn’t

 

**reginamills:** but don’t worry, i can handle it

 

**emmaswan:** c’mon regina, you know i’m not one to let those i l

 

**emmaswan:** care about*

 

**emmaswan:** run into danger just like that!

 

**reginamills:** well i’m not one to let those i care about constantly risk their lives for me

 

**reginamills:** especially not when they can get hurt really badly

 

**snow:** uh guys?

 

**emmaswan:** and i appreciate that, but you should know that i can take care of myself just fine

 

**reginamills:** well, the same can be said about me

 

**emmaswan:** regina, please, i insist- i can handle it

 

**reginamills:** i know you can, emma

 

**reginamills:** you’re the strongest person i know

 

**reginamills:** but really, it’s no bother for me 

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_HAHAHA_ **

 

**zelena:** ugh i’m going to barf

 

**redruby:** what’s happening?

 

**zelena:** _ [ S C R E E N S H O T ] _

 

**dorothy:** that’s cute

 

**dorothy:** in a really gross way

 

**henrymills:** omg not @ them doing this via text when they’re literally both under the same roof

 

**henrymills:** i feel second-hand embarrassment here

 

**henrymills:** good thing i left the chat

 

**snow:** honestly, i think we should just let this play out see how long it takes

 

**zelena:** no thank you!

 

**zelena:** i’d like to just lock them in a closet as soon as possible that way i can move on with my life

 

**snow:** ugh fine

 

**snow:** but they keep ignoring me :(((

 

**snow:** henry……..

 

**henrymills:** no

 

**snow:** pls

 

**henrymills:** please don’t make me witness that…

 

**snow:** PLEASE

 

**snow:** ಠ_ಥ ಠ_ಥ ಠ_ಥ

 

**henrymills:** ugh

 

**henrymills:** FINE

 

**henrymills:** but i’m blocking them if they start giving monologues via text about how important they are or whatever

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**emmaswan:** i understand completely, but trust me, nothing bad will happen to me

 

**reginamills:** like i said, i do trust you emma

 

**reginamills:** i don’t trust the demon though

 

**reginamills:** and i could never forgive myself if you got hurt

 

**emmaswan:** i could never forgive myself if something were to happen to you, though…

 

**_snow_ ** _ added  _ **_henrymills_ ** _ to the chat _

 

**henrymills:** um

 

**henrymills:** as sweet as this moment is

 

**henrymills:** disgustingly sweet*

 

**henrymills:** friendly reminder that there’s a demon that could escape from it’s trap at any moment if you two don’t get rid of it soon

 

**henrymills:** together

 

**henrymills:** isn’t that how you two work best?

 

**emmaswan:** kid’s right

 

**emmaswan:** together?

 

**reginamills:** together.

 

**emmaswan:** :)))))

 

**emmaswan:** ok mom, so where’d you trap the demon at???

 

**snow:** uh

 

**snow:** in the janitor’s closet at the library!

 

**emmaswan:** huh, can’t say i’m surprised really

 

**emmaswan:** that library is weird…

 

**reginamills:** we’re on our way

 

**reginamills:** everyone, please stay out of harm’s way

 

**reginamills:** and no more releasing demons!!!

 

**snow:** you got it!!!!!!

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_HAHAHA_ **

 

**_snow_ ** _ added  _ **_beautybelle_ ** _ to the chat _

 

**snow:** BELLE I HAVE NO TIME TO EXPLAIN

 

**snow:** EMMA N REGINA WILL BE SHOWING UP TO THE LIBRARY ANY TIME NOW

 

**snow:** AND I NEED YOU TO PRETEND THERE’S A DEMON LOCKED IN YOUR JANITOR’S CLOSET

 

**beautybelle:** ….

 

**beautybelle:** well at least i know why rumple has his phone muted

 

**zelena:** WAIT YOU TOLD HER THE LIBRARY I THOUGHT WE WERE DOING IT AT OUR HOUSE???

 

**snow:** didn’t you read when henry said they were both there???

 

**snow:** they would’ve never had bought it if we said the demon was locked upstairs!!!

 

**henrymills:** i’m surprised they even bought it in the first place tbh

 

**davidcharming:** same

 

**davidcharming:** im just gonna sit back and watch how this whole thing plays out

 

**redruby:** mood tbh

 

**zelena:** UGH THIS IS WHY NO ONE PUTS YOU IN CHARGE OF THE PLANS SNOW

 

**snow:** (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง

 

**zelena:** bookworm, you better act like a terrified princess when emma n regina get there

 

**beautybelle:** i-

 

**beautybelle:** okay?

 

**snow:** great!!!

 

**henrymills:** well, i can already tell this is going to be a disaster

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**emmaswan:** belle looks terrified

 

**snow:** i know, poor thing :(((((

 

**reginamills:** we’re outside the janitor’s closet

 

**reginamills:** sounds awfully quiet for a room that’s supposed to be holding a demon hostage

 

**zelena:** oh no!!!

 

**zelena:** maybe snow’s weak ass trap failed

 

**snow:** that does sound like something that would REALISTICALLY happen

 

**henrymills:** yup

 

**snow:** OR

 

**snow:** maybe it’s disguised itself to trick you??

 

**zelena:** maybe you two should go inside and check it out?

 

**zelena:** for the safety of our town and our children

 

**zelena:** we wouldn’t want henry getting hurt, would we?

 

**henrymills:** NO WE DONT

 

**reginamills:** hm

 

**reginamills:** i suppose that is the logical thing to do…

 

**snow:** ONE HUNDRED PERCENT LOGICAL!!!!

 

**reginamills:** so what do you say, should we check it out???

 

**emmaswan:** i got your back if you got mine?

 

**reginamills:** always

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_HAHAHA_ **

 

**snow:** LOCK THE DOOR BELLE

 

**zelena:** LOCK THE MF DOOR

 

**beautybelle:** what? Why?

 

**zelena:** BC WE SAID SO NOW LOCK ITTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!

 

**beautybelle:** ok ok!!!

 

**beautybelle:** there!!

 

**beautybelle:** now what?

 

**zelena:** now i poof in there and cast a spell on the room to make sure they won’t be able to open it until they address their feelings!

 

**zelena:** bc YES magic does make things a lot easier thank you very much!

 

**redruby:** they’re gonna be hella pissed, you know…

 

**zelena:** eh, it’s okay

 

**zelena:** i mean they can’t do anything while locked in that closet x

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**reginamills:** room appears empty

 

**reginamills:** are you sure you locked the demon in this particular room, snow?

 

**snow:** 100% !

 

**emmaswan:** hmm

 

**emmaswan:** i don’t see anything either

 

**emmaswan:** maybe it escaped?

 

**reginamills:** we should check outside

 

**reginamills:** see if anyone’s seen a flying beast around town

 

**emmaswan:** sounds good to me

 

**snow:** ok cool

 

**reginamills:** hmm

 

**reginamills:** how odd

 

**zelena:** what is it lil sis?

 

**reginamills:** the door…

 

**reginamills:** it won’t open???

 

**zelena:** it’s a ‘pull’, not ‘push’ door…

 

**reginamills:** i’m pulling but it’s not…

 

**emmaswan:** WTF IT’S NOT OPENING??????

  
  


**snow:** ⚆ _ ⚆

 

**snow:** OH NO!!!!!!!!

 

**snow:** IT’S THE DEMON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  
.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i decided to split it into two parts since it would've been a kinda long chapter!
> 
> Thanks again for the feedback and I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please excuse any grammatical errors!


	14. Locked in the Closet Part 2

**_previously…_ **

 

**_reginamills: how odd_ **

 

**_zelena: what is it lil sis?_ **

 

**_reginamills: the door…_ **

 

**_reginamills: it won’t open???_ **

 

**_zelena: it’s a ‘pull’, not ‘push’ door…_ **

 

**_reginamills: i’m pulling but it’s not…_ **

 

**_emmaswan: WTF IT’S NOT OPENING??????_ **

 

**_snow: ⚆ _ ⚆_ **

 

**_snow: OH NO!!!!!!!!_ **

 

**_snow: IT’S THE DEMON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_ **

 

**_._ **

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**emmaswan:** OH HELL NOOO

 

**emmaswan:** THIS DEMON BETTER UNLOCK THIS MF CLOSET OR ELSE IM GOING TO KICKING SOME DEMON ASS TONIGHT

 

**emmaswan:** which btw,,, is not a sentence i thought i would ever say

 

**emmaswan:** but then again, it’s something that i’ve grown used to ever since i came to storybrooke, so i guess i’m not THAT surprised that i eventually said a sentence like that...

 

**reginamills:** emma

 

**emmaswan:** yes regina?

 

**reginamills:** as entertaining as it is watching you type your thoughts out when you could have easily spoken them to me, given that i am standing right next to you

 

**reginamills:** i believe there are more pressing matters that we should be worrying about like… oh i don’t know

 

**reginamills:** the demon your mother has released into our town?

 

**snow:** >:((((((((((

 

**snow:** IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

 

**zelena:** a really dumb one, i should point out

 

**emmaswan:** oh yeahhhh

 

**emmaswan:** right! demon! focused!

 

**emmaswan:** okay, what do we do?

 

**emmaswan:** poof out of here?

 

**reginamills:** yes

 

**reginamills:** though i wouldn’t exactly use the word ‘poof’, so let’s just say

 

**reginamills:** let’s teleport out of her?

 

**emmaswan:** nah, poof sounds a lot better

 

**reginamills:** i-

 

**reginamills:** just give me your damn hands and lets get out of here before the demon causes any more chaos

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_HAHAHA_ **

 

**_zelena:_ ** now that is some bloody bull

 

**snow:** huh??

 

**davidcharming:** what happened

 

**henrymills:** did they catch you trying to put a spell on the janitor’s closet????

 

**zelena:** what

 

**zelena:** no 

 

**zelena:** who do you think you’re talking to dearest nephew of mine?

 

**zelena:** the baddest witch of this town!

 

**zelena:** no, casting that spell was a piece of cake

 

**redruby:** then why did you curse

 

**zelena:** oh nothing just reacting to my beloved little sister’s “lEt’S hOlD hAnDs tO pOoF oUt oF hErE aS iF wE cAn’T dO iT oN oUr OwN wItHoUt HaViNg tO iNtErLaCe OuR fInGeRs tOgEtHeR” comment…

 

**beautybelle:** …

 

**dorothy:** what

 

**snow:** OMGGGGGGGGG

 

**snow:** I GET IT

 

**snow:** (ღ˘⌣˘ღ) (ღ˘⌣˘ღ) (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

 

**snow:** tsk tsk tsk

 

**snow:** regina that sly little fox

 

**snow:** THATS SO CUTE OMG

 

**redruby:** in the words of my fiancée

 

**redruby:** what

 

**snow:** omg let me send a screenshot

 

**snow:** _ [ S C R E E N S H O T ] _

 

**beautybelle:** hmmm

 

**beautybelle:** i’m not getting what you’re trying to say, snow?

 

**redruby:** i feel u girl

 

**zelena:** wow

 

**zelena:** nvm snow you’re no longer the dumbest one in here

 

**zelena:** toto and the bookworm have taken that crown from you

 

**snow:** :DDDDD

 

**redruby:** …..

 

**zelena:** so basically,,, us magic wielders are completely capable of, as the savior put it, “poofing” in and out and to and from places on their own

 

**zelena:** meaning it was completely unnecessary for regina, my sly little sister, to suggest that they hold hands to “poof’’ out of there

 

**zelena:** unless she purposely used the situation to hold hands with emma!

 

**dorothy:** ohhhhh

 

**redruby:** damn, regina got game

 

**zelena:** well, she’s my little sister so of course she does!

 

**zelena:** not as much as me, evidently…

 

**zelena:** i mean, someone in that relationship has to have game

 

**zelena:** and we all know that someone isn’t emma, she’s about as boring as her father when it comes to that stuff

 

**snow:** hey!

 

**snow:** as emma’s mother, i take offense to you insulting my daughter zelena!

 

**davidcharming:** and as the father, i take offense that you would even compare my daughter’s dry ‘game’ to my very charming one…

 

**snow:** it’s true he’s so charming

 

**snow:** (◕‿◕✿) (◕‿◕✿) (◕‿◕✿)

 

**davidcharming: (▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿) (▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿) (▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿)**

 

**henrymills:** not you too gramps :///

 

**zelena:** ….anyways

 

**zelena:** AHHH isn’t my plan just working out wonderfully?! i’m just THAT good

 

**snow:** um… i’m sorry

 

**snow:** i believe you meant, MY PLAN

 

**zelena:** don’t be ridiculous darling, of course i didn’t mean that x

 

**snow: ಠ~ಠ ಠ~ಠ ಠ~ಠ**

 

**snow:** I LITERALLY CAME UP WITH THE PLAN AFTER THE ORIGINAL ONE AKA YOURS WENT OFF THE RAILS

 

**zelena:** UH AND WHO’S FAULT IS IT THAT MY GENIUS PLAN WENT OFF THE BLOODY RAILS IN THE FIRST PLACE

 

**snow:** OH BUT IT WORKED OUT IN THE END THANKS TO MEEEEE

 

**henrymills:** uh guys

 

**snow:** IF IT WASNT FOR THE DEMON THAT I MADE UP, THEY WOULDNT HAVE GOTTEN INSIDE A CLOSET TOGETHER IN THE FIRST PLACE

 

**zelena:** wELL IF IT WASNT FOR MY INCREDIBLE MAGIC ABILITIES, THEY WOULDNT CURRENTLY STILL BE TRAPPED INSIDE THAT CLOSET, AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT?

 

**beautybelle:** janitor’s closet*

 

**henrymills:** gUYS 

 

**henrymills:** you do know they’re waiting on your responses in the other chat right….

 

**redruby:** aw man, little dude…

 

**redruby:** i wanted to see how far this was going to go

 

**snow:** OMWWWWWWWWW

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**emmaswan:** well that was an epic fail

 

**reginamills:** tell me about it

 

**snow:** oh no :((((((

 

**henrymills:** what happened moms?

 

**davidcharming:** are you two okay?

 

**zelena:** did emma get hurt?

 

**zelena:** (pls say yes)

 

**emmaswan:** (•_•)

 

**zelena:** oh i’m just joking savior, don’t get too butthurt on me now x 

 

**emmaswan:** yk zelena, if i wasn’t currently somehow trapped in a closet with your sister, i would fill up your room from corner to corner with apple pies

 

**zelena:** GASP

 

**zelena:** you know how much i HATE apple pie!!!

 

**zelena:** also ew, look snow you have me bloody typing out my reactions like you smh 

 

**snow:** (⌐■_■)

 

**snow:** wait, did you say trapped dear?

 

**snow:** i thought you and regina were going to attempt to “poof” out of there one your own???

 

**snow:** what ever happened….?

 

**reginamills:** yeah…  _ tried _

 

**reginamills:** like emma said,,, it was an “epic fail”

 

**emmaswan:** truly D:

 

**reginamills:** seems like whatever demon you released, snow, must have enchanted the room to prevent us from escaping

 

**snow:** oh no :(((((((

 

**zelena:** wow

 

**davidcharming:** curse you demon!!!

 

**henrymills:** don’t worry moms, auntry zelena and i will capture that demon for you!

 

**emmaswan:** nnOOOOO

 

**reginamills:** henry, don’t even think about it

 

**emmaswan:** yeah kid, no way

 

**emmaswan:** i know that you’re THE author and all but

 

**emmaswan:** you’re still just a kid

 

**emmaswan:** our kid

 

**emmaswan:** and demons are OFF LIMITS for you

 

**reginamills:** i completely agree dear, it’s far too dangerous

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_HAHAHA_ **

 

**henrymills:** _ [ S C R E E N S H O T ] _

 

**henrymills:** wow my moms are so overprotective, they won’t even allow me to deal with any fake demons :///

 

**redruby:** LOOOOOOOOOOOOL

 

**beautybelle:** well, in their defense- they do believe that there’s a real demon out there…

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**henrymills:** okay FINE

 

**reginamills:** zelena, make sure henry stays as far away from that demon as possible

 

**emmaswan:** and if anything happens to him… i know where i can get a ton of apple pies to punish you..

 

**zelena:** oh dear god,, NO

 

**zelena:** but don’t worry, i won’t let a fly harm my favorite nephew <3

 

**zelena:** DAMMIT SNOW NOW IM USING YOUR BLOODY EMOJIS

 

**snow:** :DDDD

 

**reginamills:** thank you

 

**reginamills:**  snow, david see if you can talk to rumple and convince him to help you take down that demon before it starts causing destruction

 

**reginamills:** in the meantime, emma and i will try to figure out how to break out from this stupid closet 

 

**snow:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**snow:** yes, you two do that x

 

**emmaswan:** ….

 

**henrymills:** LOL

 

**henrymills:** if only we had a type of powerful magic that could break any curse…

 

**davidcharming:** yes… if  _ only… _

 

**emmaswan:** ….

 

**emmaswan:** what’s your point

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_HAHAHA_ **

 

**snow:** _ [ S C R E E N S H O T ] _

 

**snow:** OMGGGGGGGGGGGG

 

**snow:** I KNEW MY PLAN WAS GOOD 

 

**snow:** BUT I DIDNT THINK IT WAS THAT GOOD

 

**zelena:** excuse me??? your plan????

 

**snow:** YES MY PLANNNNNN

 

**redruby:** omg 

 

**dorothy:** that’s so smart

 

**beautybelle:** it truly is

 

**beautybelle:** the only way to break zelena’s spell is by an act of true love

 

**zelena:** alas, even the most powerful of spells (like mine) can be broken by true love

 

**dorothy:** i can verify, as someone who’s zelena has cursed, that it can be broken by true love

 

**redruby:** i, as the true love, can also confirm that zelena’s curse was no match for the love dorothy and i feel for each other

 

**snow:** awww :’)

 

**zelena:** gross

 

**davidcharming:** all we need to do is get them to figure it out

 

**dorothy:** i mean, i don’t think it’s that hard to put it together?

 

**beautybelle:** true, especially for two intelligent magic wielders like regina and emma

 

**henrymills:** my moms are incredibly smart, not to mention that they’re really good at magic

 

**snow:** true

 

**henrymills:** but they’re also really good at being in denial

 

**snow:** also true :/

 

**beautybelle:** so you’re saying that they know what they need to do but yet might refuse to do so as a result of their fears

 

**beautybelle:** that’s quite unfortunate…..

 

**henrymills:** yup

 

**zelena:** well

 

**zelena:** what now then

 

**snow:** i don’t know…

 

**snow:** tbh i didn’t think we’d get this far

 

**henrymills:** now we wait

 

**henrymills:** we wait for them to grow irritated and to snap and confess and give each other a TLK

 

**davidcharming:** seems like a solid plan to me…

 

**zelena:** ughhhh but it’s going to take forever

 

**snow:** true,,, if anyone’s good at burying their feelings, it’s emma and regina…

 

**zelena:** gee what a couple

 

**henrymills:** so what do we do then…?

 

**zelena:** well,,,, i might have an idea

 

**snow:** nO

 

**davidcharming:** what is it?

 

**redruby:** do we really want to know

 

**zelena:** hmmmMMMM

 

**zelena:** just follow my lead snow…

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**zelena:** OH BLOODY HELL NO

 

**zelena:** WHAT HAVE I DONE

 

**zelena:** WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?!

 

**reginamills:** zelena, what’s wrong

 

**emmaswan:** is everything okay?

 

**zelena:** OH REGINA, EMMA I’M TRULY SORRY 

 

**emmaswan:** wow she just called me by my actual name, now i’m kinda scared

 

**reginamills:** zelena what did you do?

 

**zelena:** IT CAME OUT OF NO WHERE I

 

**zelena:** HENRY, IT TOOK HENRY!!!!!!

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_HAHAHA_ **

 

**henrymills:** wHAT

 

**snow:** UH YEAH WHAT

 

**zelena:** if we leave it up to them, then they’re going to be stuck in that bloody closet forever

 

**zelena:** plus i grew impatient so this is just to speed things on so go along with it DOOFUS AND BUTTHEAD

 

**snow:** i don’t get the reference but ok!!

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**emmaswan:** oh you can totally count on something far worse than apple pies coming your way!!!!!

 

**reginamills:** we need to get out of here

 

**reginamills:** our son needs us we need to get out of here!!!

 

**reginamills:** HOW THE HELL DO WE GET OUT OF HERE

 

**emmaswan:** mom dad, see if you can get rumple to help save henry

 

**emmaswan:** omg omg ogm OH MY HOF

 

**emmaswan:** zelena i swear, my son better be okay if not 

 

**snow:** WE COULDNT FIND RUMPLE

 

**davidcharming:** belle hasnt heard from him either!

 

**snow:** you guys im really scared

 

**snow:** THE DEMON HAS HENRY WHAT DO WE DO

 

**zelena:** ILL GO AFTER IT

 

**zelena:** WATCH MY BELOVED ROBYN AFTER ME, WONT YOU?

 

**snow:** of course :(

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_HAHAHA_ **

 

**zelena:** WAIT A FEW SECONDS AND THEN PRETEND LIKE THIS DEMON JUST KNOCKED ME OUT

 

**snow:** what

 

**zelena:** i mean ik it’s hard to believe, bc ofc if anyone could take on a bloody demon, it would be ME

 

**zelena:** but just do it for the sake of speeding things up

 

**snow:** i-

 

**zelena:** DO IT!!!!!

 

**snow:** oKAY!!!!

 

**henrymills:** ... yeah, we’re totally going to hell for this

 

**dorothy:** should we ask what’s going on, babe?

 

**redruby:** henry, care to share some screenshots with us?

 

**henrymills:** i mean, considering that i have nothing better to do right now… sure

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**snow:** OH NO ZELENA!!!!

 

**reginamills:** what happened now?!

 

**snow:** THE HORNY DEMON

 

**snow:** HORNED DEMON***

 

**snow:** IT KNOCKED HER OUT OMG

 

**davidcharming:** she’s unconscious!!!!!!

 

**snow:** what do we do what do we do?!?!?!?!?!

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_HAHAHA_ **

 

**henrymills:** LMAAOOOOOOO

 

**henrymills:** _ [ S C R E E N S H O T ] _

 

**redruby:** HORNY DEMON LOOOOOOOOOOOL

 

**snow:** STUPID AUTOCORRECT

 

**_redruby_ ** _ changed the group name to  _ **_HORNY DEMON_ **

 

**dorothy:** real mature babe

 

**redruby:** iT’S FUNNY!!!!

 

**henrymills:** IKR

 

**dorothy:** my fiancée has the humor of a teenage boy

 

**dorothy:** how cute

 

**redruby:** oh shut up you know you love me

 

**dorothy:** yeah :////

 

**beautybelle:** uh… not to interrupt whatever’s going on but

 

**beautybelle:** but just an fyi… a wave of magic just came rushing out of the janitor’s closet

 

**beautybelle:** and oh would you look at that…

 

**beautybelle:** it’s emma and regina asking where the demon is

 

**beautybelle:** any idea how you all are going to get out of this, given that there is no demon?

 

**snow:** ….

 

**zelena:** BLOODY HELL SNOW I TOLD YOU THIS IDEA WOULD NEVER WORK

 

**snow:** wHAT

 

**.**

 

**.**

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow... did not expect for it to take me that long to update :/
> 
> please excuse any spelling errors and i hope you all enjoy this chapter!!!


	15. Aftermaths

**_HORNY DEMON_ **

 

**henrymills:** are we just going to pretend that nothing happened or…?

 

**snow:** can’t believe i’m actually going to say this but,,,

 

**snow:** i’m good w/ that

 

**snow:** been trying to be more lowkey about my meddling after regina and emma almost caught us a week ago

 

**snow:** which btw

 

**snow:** thank you again belle for convincing your husband to lie for us and saying that he ended up getting rid of the demon before emma n regina ran us out of town

 

**snow:** we couldn’t have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you

 

**beautybelle:** of course, it’s no biggie!

 

**beautybelle:** besides, i couldn’t let my beer pong buddy down :D

 

**snow:** :’)

 

**henrymills:** … they’ve literally not been able to have a normal conversation for a whole week!

 

**henrymills:** not to mention that every time they’re in the same room together, they avoid looking in the eyes

 

**henrymills:** it’s wEIRD

 

**redruby:** damn- they’re  _ that  _ deep in denial huh

 

**dorothy:** i mean what’s there to deny?

 

**dorothy:** they shared TLK so that obviously means they’re each other’s true loves!

 

**dorothy:** i mean- what’s not clicking? ruby n i weren’t this complicated!

 

**redruby:** i know!!!

  
  


**redruby:** after kissing dorothy for the first time and finding out we were true loves, we were practically inseparable after that

 

**redruby:** like literally inseparable, we couldn’t get enough of each other if ya know what i mean ;)

 

**henrymills:** NO WE DO NOT

 

**snow:** TMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

 

**dorothy:** i apologize for her childish behavior

 

**dorothy:** what my ruby dearest means is that we’ve been with each other since, side by side

 

**henrymills:** sigh it seems like it was easy for you guys

 

**dorothy:** i mean… i was under an eternal sleeping curse for a while…

 

**henrymills:** yeah but ruby got to you in time

 

**henrymills:** you two shared TLK

 

**henrymills:** curse was broken

 

**henrymills:** and BOOM! 

 

**henrymills:** you two got together instantly

 

**henrymills:** why are my moms so complicated

 

**redruby:** bc they’re emma and regina…

 

**henrymills:** yikes, you’re right

 

**henrymills:** which is why i need my grandma’s meddling skills and aunty zelena’s magic to give them another little push

 

**henrymills:** which btw, where even is she? usually she’s blowing up either one of the chats by now…

 

**snow:** henry, i would love to help but i already told you i’m trying to keep a low profile from them for now…

 

**henrymills:** who are you and what have you done to my nosy grandmother?!

 

**snow:** which is why i’ve been stalking their facebook accounts instead, you know, to see if they post anything unusual

 

**henrymills:** at least a part of you still lives on…

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**emmaswan:** uhhh

 

**emmaswan:** so dad went to the restroom real quick and his phone keeps blowing up and i-

 

**emmaswan:** why is my father in a chat named “horny demon” ?

 

**emmaswan:** i kinda wanna read through them...

 

**snow:** ◉_◉ ◉_◉ ◉_◉

 

**snow:** DAVID I THOUGHT YOU SAID OUR SEXTING CHAT WAS PRIVATE

 

**emmaswan:** WHAT

 

**emmaswan:** WTF YOU TWO

 

**emmaswan:** I LITERALLY JUST DROPPED HIS PHONE 

 

**emmaswan:** SO GROSSS

 

**henrymills:** LMAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

**snow:** emma pls respect your father and i’s private sexual life…

 

**emmaswan:** MOM STOP OMG

 

**emmaswan:** IM ABOUT TO TAKE AWAY YOUR TEXTING PRIVILEGES

 

**reginamills:** snow. emma. i know you two aren’t texting about sex during office hours

 

**reginamills:** get back to work

 

**emmaswan:** oh ok

 

**emmaswan:** sorry for blowing up your phone, regina…

 

**henrymills:** ………….

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_HORNY DEMON_ **

 

**henrymills:** YOU SEEEEEEEEEE

 

**henrymills:** evEN VIA TEXT YOU CAN FEEL THE WEIRDNESS

 

**henrymills:** also lmaooo grandma, nice save with that “sexting” chat 

 

**snow:** my brain’s always thinkin :)

 

**redruby:** ???

 

**dorothy:** do we even want to know?

 

**redruby:** actually i kinda do..

 

**dorothy:** no she doesn’t

 

**redruby:** >:(

 

**henrymills:** i just don’t know what to do ://///

 

**henrymills:** i thought they’d be okay by now 

 

**snow:** :(((((((((((((

 

**davidcharming:** im back

 

**davidcharming:** …. snow, since when do we have a sexting chat????????

 

**snow:** JUST GO ALONG WITH IT 

 

**redruby:** WHAT

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_henrymills_ ** _ has created the chat  _ **_hey mom,,,,,,,_ **

 

**_henrymills_ ** _ has added  _ **_reginamills_ ** _ to  _ **_hey mom,,,,,,,_ **

 

**henrymills:** hey mom

 

**henrymills:** is it cool if i text you while at work right?

 

**reginamills:** of course it is henry

 

**reginamills:** did you need something dear? 

 

**reginamills:** are you alright?

 

**henrymills:** well

 

**henrymills:** that depends

 

**reginamills:** okay, now i’m worried..?

 

**reginamills:** please don’t tell me that your aunt zelena hasn’t released another monster into storybrooke??

 

**henrymills:** WHAT

 

**henrymills:** YOU KNOW ABOUT THE KRAKEN???

 

**reginamills:** well, i had my suspicions, but thanks for the confirmation dear

 

**henrymills:** i-

 

**henrymills:** i can’t believe i was the one who let it slip out…

 

**henrymills:** was expecting it to be grandma tbh

 

**reginamills:** hmmm, don’t worry dear

 

**reginamills:** zelena may think she’s sly, but i know my sister

 

**reginamills:** though i must say henry, i can’t believe you knew about the kraken and didn’t tell me!

 

**henrymills:** sorry mom ://///

 

**henrymills:** i guess that means you know about the whole demon thing right?

 

**reginamills:** what about the demon thing?

 

**henrymills:** NOTHING

 

**henrymills:** i mean, obviously you know about the demon because duh

 

**henrymills:** it trapped you and ma in a closet

 

**henrymills:** so of course you know about the demon

 

**reginamills:** ???

 

**henrymills:** SPEAKING

 

**henrymills:** of you and ma,,,,

 

**henrymills:** how are you guys??

 

**reginamills:** oh?

 

**reginamills:** well, i’m having a pretty normal day, can’t complain honestly

 

**reginamills:** as for emma, she seemed fine too

 

**reginamills:** why do you ask, dear?

 

**henrymills:** no, i mean

 

**henrymills:** are you guys good?

 

**reginamills:** emma and i? 

 

**reginamills:** yes, we’re alright…

 

**reginamills:** why wouldn’t we be?

 

**henrymills:** well for starters, any time the two of you are in the same room either one of you makes up the most dumbest excuses to leave

 

**henrymills:** (((no offense)))

 

**henrymills:** did you two fight?

 

**reginamills:** henry, that’s not true…

 

**reginamills:** things have just been busy for the both of us this past week

 

**reginamills:** but i can assure you, we’re both fine

 

**reginamills:** we’re just two adults who are absolutely good, better than good

 

**reginamills:** really

 

**henrymills:** hmmmmmm

 

**henrymills:** u sure

 

**reginamills:** yes

 

**reginamills:** now, i’d love to chat with you longer but i have a meeting in 10

 

**reginamills:** i’ll talk to you later

 

**reginamills:** love you <3

 

**henrymills:** <3 u too 

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_henrymills_ ** _ has created the chat  _ **_hey ma,,,,,,,_ **

 

**_henrymills_ ** _ has added  _ **_emmaswan_ ** _ to  _ **_hey ma,,,,,,_ **

 

**henrymills:** hey ma

 

**henrymills:** u busy

 

**emmaswan:** hmmmmm

 

**emmaswan:** is this a test regina put u up to to see if im really working or just slacking off with my feet up on my desk while i try to avoid looking dad in the eye after finding out he and mom have a sexting chat…

 

**emmaswan:** bc if it is, then yes henry, i am super busy filling out my paperwork that was due to ur mother 2 days ago 

 

**henrymills:** so no

 

**emmaswan:** yeah no,,,,,

 

**emmaswan:** what’s up kid?

 

**emmaswan:** thot u were going bike riding w/ nick and violet after school?

 

**emmaswan:** everything alright?

 

**henrymills:** yeah ma everything’s good

 

**henrymills:** actually just left back home to look for aunty zelena

 

**henrymills:** think she took a temporary sleeping potion last night to sleep n probably hasn’t woken up yet so im omw to throw a bucket of water on her or something….

 

**emmaswan:** huh,,, no wonder her and mom haven’t been blowing up my phone with their constant texting

 

**emmaswan:** hmmm let her sleep til tomorrow, i would like to enjoy the peace a little longer..

 

**emmaswan:** robyn can spend another night w/ us

 

**emmaswan:** im sure ur mom will appreciate the peace too

 

**henrymills:** speaking of mom

 

**henrymills:** have u spoken to her lately

 

**emmaswan:** lol

 

**emmaswan:** what kind of question is that, kid?

 

**emmaswan:** she’s the mother of my son, ofc ive spoken to her 

 

**emmaswan:** we spoke this morning, u were there!!!

 

**henrymills:** you barely looked her in the eye this morning…

 

**henrymills:** and you literally just said “uh yeah, so i haven’t finished the paperwork yet” and then you literally ran away before she could respond…

 

**emmaswan:** you call that running away, i call it making sure i show up to work on time like the responsible adult that i am :)

 

**henrymills:** responsible, yes,,, but showing up to work on time??? Do i need to pull up screenshots from grandpa complaining abt u showing up 10 mins late to work everyday

 

**emmaswan:** wow,,, my own father

 

**henrymills:** heard your tardiness has caused the three gray hairs on his head btw

 

**emmaswan:** ok now im offended 

 

**emmaswan:** just for that, i’m gonna make him cover the night shifts for the rest of the week

 

**henrymills:** ok but ma seriously,,,

 

**emmaswan:** oh i am serious, henry

 

**emmaswan:** changing the schedule rn

 

**henrymills:** you and mom are okay, right?

 

**henrymills:** nothing bad or weird has happened between you guys, right?

 

**emmaswan:** what?

 

**emmaswan:** no!!!!

 

**henrymills:** hmmm

 

**emmaswan:** why, did your mom say something?

 

**henrymills:** no

 

**henrymills:** she said the exact same thing as you did actually

 

**emmaswan:** oh

 

**emmaswan:** great

 

**emmaswan:** cus u know,,, we’re great

 

**emmaswan:** great…..

 

**henrymills:** ma

 

**emmaswan:** yeah?

 

**henrymills:** you sure you guys are okay?

 

**emmaswan:** yes

 

**emmaswan:** why wouldn’t we be?

 

**henrymills:** idk u sounded kinda hesitant 

 

**emmaswan:** we r texting henry….

 

**henrymills:** your words spoke to me…

 

**emmaswan:** author pun, i love it

 

**emmaswan:** ok but fr kid, i gotta finish this paperwork for your mom before i knock zelena off her #1 spot on regina’s hitlist today

 

**emmaswan:** ily ttyl 

 

**henrymills:** ew u sound like grandma

 

**henrymills:** but yeah ok ily2…

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**zelena:** I HAVE AWAKEN

 

**emmaswan:** dammit henry

 

**zelena:** oh oops x

 

**zelena:** as much as i live for your misery savior, it appears as if i’ve messaged the wrong chat

 

**zelena:** carry on …

 

**emmaswan:** wait, wrong chat?

 

**emmaswan:** AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO’S LOYAL TO THIS CHAT OR WHAT

 

**zelena:** yes, you’re the only one here without friends

 

**zelena:** boo hoo how sad

 

**emmaswan:** …. those are some bold words coming from the person who considers her sister their best friend

 

**zelena:** you know what, i’m just going to pretend i didn’t read that and simply make my way over to OTHER group chat since you know, i actually have friends x

 

**emmaswan:** shut up

 

**emmaswan:** hey mom, what r u having for lunch

 

**snow:** i already ate lunch sweetie, why?

 

**emmaswan:** wow n u didn’t wait for me?

 

**emmaswan:** fake

 

**snow:** :O

 

**snow:** i mean it’s friday,,,, 

 

**snow:** u always have lunch with regina on fridays…

 

**emmaswan:** no i dont

 

**davidcharming:** you also do on tuesdays and thursdays, yet this past week you spent your lunch hours with me every day?

 

**davidcharming:** are you two okay?

 

**emmaswan:** yes?

 

**reginamills:** why does everyone keep asking that?

 

**reginamills:** does it look like we’re not okay?

 

**emmaswan:** we r great!!!!!

 

**emmaswan:** smh you guys r making a big deal out of nothing!!!!!!

 

**snow:** i mean when u put it like that, how can we not believe you?

 

**emmaswan:** THANK YOU

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_HORNY DEMON_ **

 

**snow:** jk you’re right henry, they totally don’t seem fine

 

**henrymills:** right!!!!!!!!!

 

**davidcharming:** they’re not even talking to each other in the chat

 

**henrymills:** ikr 

 

**henrymills:** they can respond to us, but are avoiding talking to each other directly

 

**henrymills:** it’s so frustrating!!

 

**henrymills:** they’re so frustrating!!

 

**zelena:** they’re just a bunch of scared monkeys

 

**redruby:** you mean chickens?

 

**zelena:** no monkeys 

 

**zelena:** “scared chickens” doesn’t even make any sense….

 

**redruby:** i-

 

**dorothy:** just let it go babe

 

**beautybelle:** im sorry the locking them in the closet idea didn’t work :///

 

**redruby:** hey now, that idea was brilliant

 

**redruby:** if snow wouldve done it on anybody else, then it would have worked

 

**snow:** thank u ruby, i do try :D

 

**davidcharming:** it can still work, they just need to talk about the tlk

 

**zelena:** i propose a truth potion!!!

 

**dorothy:** NO

 

**redruby:** NOOOOOOOOO

 

**rumple:** NO

 

**rumple:** not after that mess you made last time with the kraken

 

**snow:** omg hey rumple

 

**snow:** i forgot u were still in this since u hardly ever respond or open our messages

 

**rumple:** that’s what happens when you mute a chat

 

**snow:** :O

 

**beautybelle:** i thought he could help us !!!

 

**zelena:** ew nobody wants love advice from that old geezer

 

**rumple:** oh and i suppose they want love advice from the woman without a true love?

 

**snow:** :O :O :O

 

**zelena:** wow that was a wicked thing to say….

 

**zelena:** i respect it

 

**henrymills:** so…

 

**henrymills:** what do you think we should do to get my moms to talk to each other without running away when they can’t even be in the same room as one another!!!

 

**rumple:** like this…

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_rumple_ ** _ has created the chat  _ **_donteventrytoleavethischathasaspellonit_ **

 

**_rumple_ ** _ has added  _ **_reginamills_ ** _ and  _ **_emmaswan_ ** _ to  _ **_donteventrytoleavethischathasaspellonit_ **

 

**rumple:** now talk!

 

**_rumple_ ** _ has left the chat _

**emmaswan:** wtf

 

**_._ **

 

**_._ **

 

**_._ **

 

**_HORNY DEMON_ **

 

**rumple:** _ [ S C R E E N  S H O T ] _

 

**snow:** :O

 

**henrymills:** wait, you can enchant group chats?

 

**rumple:** being a magic power wielder has its perks

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_donteventrytoleavethischathasaspellonit_ **

 

**reginamills:** rumple!!!!

 

**_reginamills_ ** _ has added  _ **_rumple_ ** _ to  _ **_donteventrytoleavethischathasaspellonit_ **

 

**reginamills:** what is the meaning of this!!!

 

**rumple:** simple

 

**rumple:** my grandson tells me he’s worried his mothers aren’t getting along, so i, being the good grandfather that i am, have created a chat where his mothers will have no choice but to talk to one another since they’re apparently too immature to do so in person

 

**emmaswan:** this is stupid

 

**emmaswan:** it’s a group chat… you do know we could easily just leave?

 

**rumple:** reread the name of the chat dearie

 

**emmaswan:** hmm hold up, it’s kinda hard to since for some reason you didnt use spaces…

 

**emmaswan:** hmm

 

**emmaswan:** WAIT WDYM WE CANT LEAVE ITS A GROUP CHAT?!?!?!

 

**rumple:** i cast a spell on it

 

**reginamills:** you really used magic… on a group chat?

 

**reginamills:** my, has the dark one hit a new low?

 

**rumple:** is the idea of being stuck in a chat where you’re being forced to talk to one another making you miserable?

 

**reginamills:** ….

 

**rumple:** then i’d say it’s magic well used…

 

**emmaswan:** ok but “forced” ??

 

**emmaswan:** wdym i guess u can force us to be in here but u can’t force us to text…

 

**rumple:** of course i can

 

**rumple:** if there’s no activity in this chat, then things that you love and are essential to you will begin to disappear

 

**emmaswan:** wait what do you mean disappearing?

 

**rumple:** allow me to demonstrate

 

**emmaswan:** ???

 

**emmaswan:** wait

 

**emmaswan:** WTF HAPPENED TO MY BEAR CLAW

 

**rumple:** have fun

 

**_rumple_ ** _ has left the chat _

 

**emmaswan:** WAIT GIVE IT BACK!!!!!

 

**reginamills:** really, emma, a bear claw for lunch?

 

**emmaswan:** oh

 

**reginamills:** what

 

**emmaswan:** you’re talking to me…?

 

**reginamills:** really

 

**reginamills:** we’re really going to talk about this  _ here? _

 

**reginamills:** over text

 

**emmaswan:** might as well

 

**emmaswan:** i mean since you won’t talk to me in person

 

**reginamills:** says the one who ran away from me this morning???

 

**emmaswan:** ...i was late for work

 

**reginamills:** you’re always late

 

**emmaswan:** i didn’t want to be late 2day…

 

**reginamills:** hmm

 

**reginamills:** fine 

 

**reginamills:** you want to talk? 

 

**reginamills:** let’s talk about that paperwork that you owe me

 

**emmaswan:** … regina

 

**reginamills:** if i’m correct, i believe it was due two days ago…

 

**emmaswan:** regina

 

**emmaswan:** you n i both kno that’s not what he meant

 

**reginamills:** hm, then what did he mean?

 

**emmaswan:** he- they all want us to talk about what happened in that closet

 

**emmaswan:** especially henry

 

**emmaswan:** i can tell that he’s confused, regina

 

**emmaswan:** and honestly… 

 

**emmaswan:** so am i 

 

**emmaswan:** why did that happen

 

**emmaswan:** and how did you know that it would work

 

**reginamills:** i wasnt thinking straight

 

**emmaswan:** yeah, no kidding…

 

**reginamills:** i mean, all i kept thinking about was that damn demon and how he had our son

 

**reginamills:** and i just kept thinking about how we needed to get out of that damn closet to save him

 

**reginamills:** so i did the first thing that came to mind

 

**reginamills:** emma, i 

 

**reginamills:** i apologize if what i did made you uncomfortable

 

**emmaswan:** i…

 

**emmaswan:** no that’s not it

 

**emmaswan:** it’s just

 

**emmaswan:** what does it mean

 

**emmaswan:** why were we able to break past the demon’s barrier after you and i,,, you kno…

 

**emmaswan:** does that mean...

**reginamills:** that our love for henry was powerful enough to transcend through us when… that happened?

 

**reginamills:** i mean, we’ve only ever broken curses because of our true love for him

 

**reginamills:** right?

 

**emmaswan:** oh

 

**emmaswan:** yeah

 

**emmaswan:** that makes sense

 

**emmaswan:** it’s not like u and i are…

 

**reginamills:** are what?

 

**emmaswan:** nothing

 

**emmaswan:** nvm

 

**emmaswan:** i, uh

 

**emmaswan:** i’m glad that clears things up

 

**reginamills:** emma?

 

**emmaswan:** oh my bear claw returned

 

**reginamills:** i suppose we fulfilled this chat’s purpose then…

 

**emmaswan:** yeah i guess so…

 

**emmaswan:** regina

 

**reginamills:** yes?

 

**emmaswan:** we’re good though, right?

 

**emmaswan:** now that we’ve talked about what that meant, we don’t have to make things weird between us right?

 

**reginamills:** of course, emma…

 

**reginamills:** the last thing that i would want is for things to be weird between us

 

**reginamills:** we’re good

 

**emmaswan:** ok !

 

**emmaswan:** good!

 

**reginamills:** yeah

 

**reginamills:** good.

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_HORNY DEMON_ **

 

**rumple:** ok i took emma’s bear claw away so the conversation should be kicking off real soon

 

**zelena:** can i just say that if emma n regina get together bc of the old geezer then im gonna be really pissed

 

**rumple:** well i did threaten them…

 

**redruby:** yah but emma’s the savior, she  _ does  _ realize that she could easily overcome your spell if she wanted to

 

**zelena:** hmmm then again the savior isn’t always that bright…

 

**zelena:** she gets that from her mother btw

 

**snow:** HEY

 

**henrymills:** is there any way we can spy on their conversation

 

**zelena:** ooo im down for that

 

**beautybelle:** no!!!

 

**beautybelle:** it would be rude to invade their privacy like that!

 

**snow:** hey

 

**snow:** speak for yourself!!!

 

**snow:** i’m emma’s mother, it’s basically my job to invade her privacy!!!!

 

**snow:** on the lowkey though, bc im still scared they’re gonna find out that whole demon charade was nothing but that!!!

 

**snow:** a charade!!!

 

**henrymills:** o yeah

 

**henrymills:** speaking of that

 

**henrymills:** hey aunty zelena

 

**zelena:** yes, favorite nephew of mine?

 

**redruby:** isn’t he your only nephew?

 

**zelena:** and?? what’s your point toto?

 

**henrymills:** ok so like 

 

**henrymills:** mom may or may not officially know that you were the one responsible for that kraken being released back on her bday

 

**zelena:** WHO SNITCHED

 

**snow:** IT WASNT ME I SWEAR

 

**henrymills:** idk appt she knew the whole time or sum who knos,,,

 

**zelena:** hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**emmaswan:** ok guys

 

**emmaswan:** u all can stop w the sneaking around

 

**snow:** HUH????

 

**snow:** sneaking?? who’s sneaking?? not me!!!

 

**emmaswan:** no need to play dumb mom

 

**emmaswan:** regina n i already know…

 

**snow:** IT WAS ZELENAS IDEA

 

**snow:** she DID IT NOT ME

 

**zelena:** HEY 

 

**reginamills:** wait, i thought it was henry’s idea?

 

**henrymills:** wha

 

**reginamills:** having rumple trap emma and i in a chat together and enchanting it with a spell to make sure that neither of us would be able to leave until we talked?

 

**snow:** OH

 

**snow:** yeah!!!

 

**davidcharming:** guilty

 

**zelena:** wow u caught us

 

**henrymills:** wait so does that mean that u guys FINALLY talked abt what happened?

 

**reginamills:** yes we have dear

 

**reginamills:** no need to worry about your mother and i being “weird” around each other anymore

 

**emmaswan:** yeah kid, we’re good

 

**henrymills:** ok but like on a scale of 1-10 how good would you say????

 

**emmaswan:** well we talked abt things and came to the conclusion that our love for you was so strong that we were able to break out of the closet

 

**reginamills:** our love for you saved us, dear

 

**reginamills:** and i’ll even say it’s made us stronger as a family 

 

**emmaswan:** yeah :)

 

**henrymills:** i

 

**snow:** :O

 

**davidcharming:** i wasn’t expecting that outcome but cant say im surprised tbh

 

**henrymills:** WHAT

 

**emmaswan:** what?

 

**zelena:** excuse my language sis but

 

**zelena:** WHAT THE FUCK?!

 

**.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School has been a pain.
> 
> Thank you so much for all the love. Hope you all enjoy this update!


	16. Let's Get Down to Business...

**_family <3_ **

 

**henrymills:** SPRING bREAAAAAAAAAAAAK

 

**snow:** YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

 

**henrymills:** NO MORE SCHOOL WORK

 

**snow:** nOOOO MORE PAPERS TO GRADE

 

**henrymills:** NO MORE HOMEWORRRRRRRRRK

 

**snow:** nO MORE LESSON PLANSSSSSSSSS

 

**reginamills:** for the next week, that is

 

**snow:** wow :/

 

**henrymills:** way to kill the mood mom :////

 

**emmaswan:** hey at least you guys are getting a vacation

 

**emmaswan:** i cant remember when was the last time i slept in

 

**reginamills:** hmmm i could have sworn that you were scheduled in the afternoon this past week emma?

 

**davidcharming:** yeah… i’ve been the one going in at 8 am for the past week...

 

**emmaswan:** ….

 

**emmaswan:** THE POINT IS I WANT A VACATION TOO!!!

 

**emmaswan:** i mean even the savior/sheriff deserves some rest

 

**reginamills:** hmm well despite your inability to turn in your paperwork on time, i must agree that you’re a very hard worker emma.

 

**emmaswan:** :))))))

 

**reginamills:** speaking of paperwork, i’m expecting yours today in the afternoon, correct?

 

**emmaswan:** ofc!!! It’s nearly finished

 

**davidcharming:** (no it isn’t) 

 

**emmaswan:** I THOUGHT MOM WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE SNITCH NOT YOU DAD!!!!

 

**snow:** HEY!!!!!!!!

 

**reginamills:** really, emma?

 

**emmaswan:** i’ll get it done by noon i promise :(((((((((

 

**reginamills:** hm

 

**emmaswan:** maybe when i drop it off we could discuss my potential vacation days?

 

**zelena:** DID SOMEBODY SAY VACATION?

 

**emmaswan:** ew go away

 

**henrymills:** grandma and i have no school for the next 7 days!!!!!!!

 

**zelena:** WHAT

 

**zelena:** wait why don’t i get a vacation im a much harder worker than snow!!!!

 

**zelena:** i mean all she does is talk to birds during class right?

 

**snow:** IT’S FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES?????

 

**snow:** AND I DONT TALK TO BIRDS ALL THE TIME???

 

**zelena:** whatever bird talker

 

**snow:** ಠ╭╮ಠ ಠ╭╮ಠ ಠ╭╮ಠ

 

**zelena:** anyways regina, i request to be given a vacation too!

 

**emmaswan:** …...u don’t even have a job????

 

**zelena:** being both wicked and a loving mother  _ is  _ a job you corned-haired troll

 

**henrymills:** oooo oh no she didn’t

 

**emmaswan:** ur just mad bc i don’t have to dye my hair to hide the gray hairs

 

**zelena:** i’ll have you know that my hair is 100% naturally red!!!!!

 

**emmaswan:** pretty sure i saw u looking at hair dyes at the corner store the other day but okay 

 

**zelena:** no!!!

 

**zelena:** i was simply picking out an orange color to prank toto with on the day before her wedding!!!!

 

**emmaswan:** u sure abt that

 

**zelena:** at least i’ve never had to dye my hair to appear “edgy” and “dark”

 

**emmaswan:** U KNO WHAT,,,,,,

 

**reginamills:** neither of you are getting a vacation if you keep this up

 

**henrymills:** nooooooooooooooo

 

**henrymills:** i wanted to see where this would go!!!!

 

**davidcharming:** same snow had already started making us popcorn

 

**snow:** :DDDDDD

 

**reginamills:** seriously, if anyone deserves a vacation it’s  _ me _

 

**reginamills:** being in charge of an entire town can be very stressful

 

**reginamills:** especially when certain sheriffs don’t turn in their paperwork on time…

 

**emmaswan:** :(((((((((

 

**emmaswan:** i’m sorry i’ll get it done i promise :(((((((((((((

 

**henrymills:** wait why don’t we all take a vacation then?

 

**henrymills:** leave town for a bit?

 

**reginamills:** that’s a good joke dear

 

**henrymills:** mooooooooooooooooom im seriousssssssssssssss

 

**henrymills:** i mean when you think of it,,, don’t we all deserve some time out?

 

**zelena:** i like my nephew’s way of thinking

 

**snow:** yeah!!!

 

**snow:** i mean since henry and i are off for the entire week, what better time to do so?

 

**reginamills:** and what about the town?

 

**reginamills:** what if a monster decides to attack while the savior and the mayor aren’t here to protect it?

 

**zelena:** pshttttt i doubt that’ll happen

 

**zelena:** it’s been a while since the town was actually under attack

 

**zelena:** they’ll be fine

 

**henrymills:** yeah mom 

 

**henrymills:** besides it’s not like you and ma are the only ones capable of protecting the town

 

**snow:** we can always leave rumple and belle in charge for a few days

 

**reginamills:** hmmm

 

**henrymills:** pleaseeeee

 

**henrymills:** c’mon ma back me up on this

 

**emmaswan:** ok

 

**emmaswan:** c’monnnnnnn regina don’t tell me you arent dying to get away from all the stress and papers and meetings and stuff for a couple of days

 

**emmaswan:** ive seen how tense your shoulders are

 

**emmaswan:** like you said if anyone could use a vacation it’s you

 

**snow:** yeah!!!

 

**snow:** w8 how do you kno regina’s shoulders are tense ? :OOOOO

 

**emmaswan:** im a good observer???

 

**davidcharming:** i guess you probably noticed how tense my shoulders are too huh?

 

**emmaswan:** …..yeah sure

 

**emmaswan:** SEE EVEN DAD NEEDS A VACATION

 

**emmaswan:** so c’mon regina pleasEEEEEE

 

**henrymills:** yeah mom pleaseeee

 

**snow:** pRETTY PLEASEEEE

 

**davidcharming:** with a cherry on top!

 

**zelena:** yeah c’mon sis don’t be such a buzzkill 

 

**reginamills:** …. i truly am the only adult in this family

 

**emmaswan:** so is that a yes :)

 

**reginamills:** hmm

 

**reginamills:** where would we even go anyways

 

**zelena:** LEAVE THAT TO ME

 

**reginamills:** oh no

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_HORNY DEMON_ **

 

**zelena:** IVE GOT IT!!!!

 

**snow:** what

 

**zelena:** IK WHERE WE’RE GOING FOR OUR VACATION

 

**dorothy:** what vacation

 

**redruby:** omg i wanna go on a vacation!

 

**zelena:** no

 

**henrymills:** where

 

**zelena:** LETS GO ON A CRUISE

 

**redruby:** I WANT TO GO ON A CRUISE WTF???!!

 

**zelena:** what part of ‘no’ don’t you understand toto???

 

**redruby:** i loathe you

 

**zelena:** feelings mutual pip squeak x 

 

**henrymills:** meh i was hoping more like disney world or universal resort…

 

**snow:** omg yes!!!

 

**snow:** i could meet and take pics with cartoon me!!!!

 

**zelena:** noooooo

 

**zelena:** a cruise sounds so much better!!!

 

**zelena:** not to mention that they have a couples special if u kno what i mean ;)

 

**beautybelle:** wait why are you guys discussing these locations?

 

**snow:** oh right!!

 

**snow:** belle since the fam and i are going on vacation this week

 

**henrymills:** pls don’t say fam grandma

 

**snow:** aw why not henry, it’s all i hear you crazy kids say in the hallways

 

**henrymills:** yea but it’s not really something adults should be sayin….

 

**snow:** oh :///

 

**snow:** so anyways as i was saying belle

 

**snow:** the fam and i are going on a vacation for a couple of days and we were wondering if you and rumple could take care of the town while we’re gone

 

**redruby:** yeah,,, henry’s right snow

 

**redruby:** pls don’t say ‘fam’

 

**snow:** >:((((((((

 

**henrymills:** THANK YOU

 

**beautybelle:** yeah, of course!!!

 

**beautybelle:** don’t worry snow, the town will be safe in our hands while you and the 'fam' are out ;)

 

**snow:** yay!!! :D

 

 **henrymills:**  pls don't encourage this :/

 

**redruby:** omg wait why wasn’t i invited to this vacation

 

**zelena:** bc nobody wants you to go

 

**zelena:** it’s called a FAMILY vacation for a reason

 

**redruby:** snow and i are family

 

**redruby:** she’s like a sister ive never had

 

**snow:** omg ruby

 

**snow:** (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

 

**snow:** ilysm

 

**snow:** OF COURSE YOU CAN COME!!!!!

 

**redruby:** HA

 

**zelena:** SNOW YOU ARE OFFICIALLY NO LONGER A PART OF THIS FAMILY

 

**snow:** ◉_◉

 

**zelena:** there, now toto is uninvited

 

**redruby:** wow

 

**dorothy:** it’s okay babe, we’ll be leaving for our honeymoon in two weeks

 

**dorothy:** after our wedding ;)

 

**redruby:** omg youre right,,,,

 

**redruby:** nvm i dont want to go now

 

**snow:** wow my own sister,,,,

 

**zelena:** GOOD

 

**zelena:** AS I WAS SAYING

 

**zelena:** WE’RE GOING ON A CRUISE!!!!

 

**henrymills:** okay but why tho

 

**zelena:** because little nephew of mine

 

**zelena:** a brilliant idea popped into my pretty little head as i was scrolling through the web

 

**zelena:** and as it turns out this cruise has what they call a ‘couples special’ which

 

**zelena:** 1). will be cheaper for all of us cus lbr regina’s the only rich one here

 

**zelena:** 2). we can use to further our ‘let’s get regina n emma together’ plan

 

**zelena:** IT’S BRILLIANT BRILLIANT BRILLIANTTTTTTTTTT

 

**redruby:** lol anyone else read that in yzma’s voice from the emperor’s new groove?

 

**henrymills:** i was abt to say that !!

 

**dorothy:** who?

 

**redruby:** omg…

 

**redruby:** cancel any plans tonight you had tonight babe we r binge watching 2 movies and an entire series !!!

 

**zelena:** yzma?? 

 

**zelena:** you don’t mean that crazy purple old hag who gets high off potions???

 

**zelena:** now that’s just offensive toto, i have never insulted you in such a way before

 

**henrymills:** i-

 

**henrymills:** she’s real too?

 

**zelena:** oh yeah, bumped into her once when i was jumping realms with those hideous red slippers 

 

**henrymills:** i have no words

 

**snow:** ok but can we retract back to your plan zelena

 

**snow:** how is that going to work??

 

**zelena:** were u dropped when u were a baby

 

**snow:** ….i don’t know?

 

**snow:** what

 

**zelena:** OKAY 

 

**zelena:** SO WE GET 2 OF THE COUPLES SPECIALS ONE FOR YOU AND YOUR UNCHARMING HUSBAND AND ONE FOR EMMA AND REGINA

 

**zelena:** WE TELL THEM THAT WE ARRANGED FOR IT TO BE LIKE THIS BC ITS CHEAPER 

 

**zelena:** (WHICH IT IS SO WE TECHNICALLY ARENT LYING)

 

**zelena:** meanwhile henry, robyn, and i will get a regular priced room since well there’s no third couple,,,

 

**redruby:** lol sad

 

**zelena:** SHUT IT TOTO GO CHASE A SQUIRREL OR SOMETHING

 

**redruby:** bite me

 

**zelena:** sorry not into doggies x 

 

**snow:** omg that’s so smart!!!

 

**snow:** bc don’t couples get like one bed ????

 

**henrymills:** wow so this vacation could help my moms finally realize how much they love each other

 

**zelena:** yes!

 

**beautybelle:** unless one of them offers to sleep on the floor or the couch…

 

**redruby:** that or they decide to just fuck and then pretend like it never happened

 

**snow:** ruby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**henrymills:** EW

 

**redruby:** what!!??

 

**redruby:** it could happen????

 

**davidcharming:** knowing them though, what belle said seems more plausible…

 

**zelena:** curse those useless idiots!!!

 

**zelena:** im getting really tired of them

 

**henrymills:** welcome to my world

 

**snow:** hey it’s worth a shot though, right?

 

**henrymills:** sure y not

 

**zelena:** that’s the bloody spirit!!!

 

**zelena:** i mean what can go wrong???

 

**davidcharming:** oh please don’t jinx it

 

**zelena:** okay! okay!!!

 

**zelena:** ok but like when i tell them remember we got to play it off as if our only motive for doing this is to get a cheaper price!!!

 

**zelena:** not bc we r trying to get them to realize their love for each other!!!

 

**snow:** ofc!!! we got this!!!

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**zelena:** SO WE DECIDED TO GO ON A CRUISE!!!!

 

**snow:** YAY SUPER FUN!!

 

**emmaswan:** ummm we???

 

**reginamills:** yeah i don’t remember being a part of the conversation either?

 

**zelena:** ugh fine

 

**zelena:** regina, emma how do you gals feel abt going on a cruise

 

**emmaswan:** hmmm well,,,

 

**zelena:** ok i asked u but idrc abt the answer bc i already paid for it!

 

**reginamills:** what!!!

 

**reginamills:** with what money??

 

**zelena:** yours lol 

 

**zelena:** time to update your credit card pin number sis x 

 

**reginamills:** zelena….

 

**zelena:** omg im kidding sis

 

**zelena:** well partially

 

**zelena:** i used emma’s card as well

 

**emmaswan:** ...now ik that’s a lie because i literally have -249392$

 

**zelena:** don’t be ridiculous savior

 

**zelena:** as IF your balance has ever gone above four digits

 

**emmaswan:** >:(

 

**zelena:** i used all of our credit cards to pay for it!

 

**zelena:** and by all of ours i really mean all of YOURS

 

**snow:** it’s true she poofed into our house, stole david and i’s cards, and poofed out of there :(

 

**reginamills:** well since all of us chipped in except zelena, i’d say we all go without her?

 

**emmaswan:** i second that!

 

**zelena:** omg regina youre so mean to your big sis :(

 

**zelena:** but really tho, you should be thanking ME!

 

**zelena:** i got us a great deal!!!

 

**zelena:** isn’t that right charmings?

 

**snow:** yes!!!   
  


**davidcharming:** seriously such a great deal!!!

 

**davidcharming:** she would kill it as a business woman!!!

 

**reginamills:** hmmm

 

**zelena:** my, thank you charmings

 

**zelena:** it’s nice to receive appreciation 

 

**zelena:** especially when my little sister isn’t giving me any :(

 

**reginamills:** fine, tell me about your supposed great deal

 

**zelena:** OKAY

 

**zelena:** so like they were having a couples special right?

 

**zelena:** and i thought to myself: “hey, maybe if i order two couple specials instead of paying 596$ for four days”

 

**zelena:** so i ordered two couple specials and one regular room and the total turned out to be 435$!!!!!

 

**zelena:** my mind is literally so smart omg

 

 **snow:**  she has the mind of a mastermind omg she's so creative

 

 **henrymills:**....im never showing you any memes again grandma :////

 

 **snow:** :'(

 

**emmaswan:** ok but out of the one, two, three..

 

**emmaswan:** OUT OF THE SIX OF US

 

**emmaswan:** we only have one couple????

 

**zelena:** i-

 

**zelena:** snow, your daughter got your intellegence level :///

 

**snow:** HEY

 

**snow:** AT LEAST I CAN ACTUALLY SPELL INTELLIGENCE!!!

 

**henrymills:** yuh ma but aunty z lied and said we had two couples that way we’d get a cheaper price…

 

**reginamills:** so who would this other “couple” be then?

 

**zelena:** well frankly, it’d be a lil weird if you and i pretended to be in a relationship bc… sisters

 

**zelena:** and if i end up sharing a bedroom with that annoying savior then im pretty sure im either going to end up throwing myself or her overboard

 

**zelena:** (most likely her let’s be real)

 

**emmaswan:** you do know im in this chat right?

 

**zelena:** yes you were meant to read that

 

**zelena:** ANYWAYS I GUESS THE ONLY LOGICAL SOLUTION IS FOR YOU AND EMMA TO PRETEND TO BE THAT OTHER COUPLE 

 

**emmaswan:** what

 

**snow:** oMG WHAT A SMART IDEA ZELENA

 

**zelena:** thank you, thank you i do try x 

 

**henrymills:** OKAY!! sooo we’re all set then right?

 

**henrymills:** when do board????

 

**reginamills:** wait wait wait!!

 

**reginamills:** did any of you even think about asking how emma and i felt abt this idea?

 

**snow:** nah

 

**davidcharming:** seems like a solid plan to me

 

**henrymills:** agreed

 

**emmaswan:** i-

 

**emmaswan:** really?

 

**henrymills:** cmon ma it’s not like it’s a complicated plan, right mom?

 

**reginamills:** i mean

 

**reginamills:** i doubt emma and i will be able to pull it off

 

**emmaswan:** yuh it’s not like regina and i can just act like a married couple lol

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_HORNY DEMON_ **

 

**henrymills:** _ [ S C R E E N S H O T ] _

 

**henrymills:** i cant stand them sometimes lmaoooooooo

 

**redruby:** i- cannot believe…….

 

**redruby:** you’re telling me that ms. emma ‘heart-eyes for regina’ swan

 

**redruby:** and ms. regina ‘can’t help but smile anytime emma’s in the same room as her’ mills

 

**redruby:** won’t be able to act like they’re a married couple for a few days,,,,,, 

 

**redruby:** sounds fake but ok

 

**davidcharming:** i did say they were oblivious

 

**snow:** :O

 

**snow:** wow ruby, i didn’t know you were as invested in this as zelena, henry, and i

 

**snow:** im so touched

 

**redruby:** meh kinda hard not to when we have an entire group chat dedicated to it

 

**redruby:** besides, dorothy and i made a bet abt it

 

**zelena:** wow toto, how invasive!!!

 

**zelena:** do you have no respect for my little sister’s privacy? Smhhhh

 

**redruby:** ……….says the creator of this chat 

 

**zelena:** ….touché

 

**henrymills:** what kind of bet

 

**dorothy:** ruby betted that they’ll realize their feelings for each other before our wedding in two weeks

 

**redruby:** theY JUST HAVE TO RIGHT??? I MEAN IF THEY DONT iT’lL JUST BE RIDICULOUS AT THIS POINT

 

**henrymills:** have you even met my moms?

 

**redruby:** ://///

 

**dorothy:** i said they’d realize their feelings for e/o AFTER our wedding

 

**snow:** :// yuh that does sound more realistic

 

**davidcharming:** what did you guys bet?

 

**redruby:** if i win then we have to go skinny dipping on our honeymoon!!!

 

**snow:** :OOOOOOOO

 

**dorothy:** but since that won’t be happening, then when i win she has to try vegan ice cream :)

 

**zelena:** boringggggggggggggggg

 

**redruby:** yeah,,,,, that aint happening 

 

**henrymils:** welp ruby looks like youre gonna be trying vegan ice cream lol

 

**redruby:** wow so much confidence in your moms kid

 

**henrymills:** well they are my moms

 

**davidcharming:** hmmm someone should probably reply to emma, it’s been a while

 

**henrymills:** lol completely forgot abt that

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**henrymills:** oh i don’t think it’ll be so hard right?

 

**snow:** yeahhhhh you might just want to hold hands when we board the ship nothing too difficult

 

**zelena:** and maybe go on a couple ‘dates’ throughout the trip, yk so people won’t get suspicious

 

**henrymills:** and perhaps a few platonic cheeks kisses just to really sell it!!!

 

**davidcharming:** sounds simple enough!

 

**emmaswan:** i-

 

**emmaswan:** ….don’t know what to say ??????????

 

**reginamills:** yeah, we’re not professional actresses?

 

**henrymills:** c’mon moms pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

 

**henrymills:** we never go anywhere

 

**henrymills:** plus, wouldn’t it be fun for all of us to go somewhere and have fun for a change??

 

**henrymills:** :(((((((((((((((((((((

 

**zelena:** friendly reminder that i already paid for it too 

 

**zelena:** just throwing that out there!!!

 

**henrymills:** AND IT’S PAID FOR ALREADY!!!

 

**henrymills:** plssssssssssssssss

 

**reginamills:** well, i suppose it wouldn’t be  _ so  _ hard to pretend for the sake of a cheaper price

 

**reginamills:** i mean, if it’s alright with emma then it’s alright with me.

 

**henrymills:** ma?

 

**snow:** (◕‿◕✿) (◕‿◕✿) (◕‿◕✿)

 

**emmaswan:** if it’s cool with you, then it sounds like a plan

 

**snow:** !!!!!!!!

 

**henrymills:** yaaaaAAAAAAAAAAY

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_HORNY DEMON_ **

 

**henrymills:** _ [ S C R E E N S H O T ] _

 

**_henrymills_ ** _ changed the group name to  _ **_# LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS_ **

 

**henrymills:** alright let’s get down to business

 

**redruby:** TO DEFEAT THE HUNSSSSSSSSSSSSS

 

**henrymills:** really ruby

 

**redruby:** sorry lol i love mulan

 

**henrymills:** nah it’s cool i should’ve seen it coming 

 

**snow:** omg i love mulan too :((((

 

**davidcharming:** speaking of mulan, i should probably ask her if she can handle the station while emma and i are out

 

**snow:** omg let me add her!!!!!!!!!

 

**_snow_ ** _ has added  _ **_warrior123_ ** _ to  _ **_# LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS_ **

 

**snow:** hi mulan we were just talking abt you!!!

 

**warrior123:** yeah, the name of the chat pretty much gave it away

 

**redruby:** you see!!!!

 

**henrymills:** wow

 

**warrior123:** so what can i do for you?

 

**zelena:** well for starters you can change that ridiculous username…

 

**davidcharming:** ignore her, that’s what i always do

 

**warrior123:** yeah, i do the same any time she’s in the same room as me

 

**zelena:** WOW I BREATHED??

 

**davidcharming:** anyways, emma and i will be out of town for a few days, do you think you can handle the station on your own or would you like for us to get you someone to help you out?

 

**warrior123:** hmm, well i can handle the morning and afternoon shifts but yeah, you should probably get someone else to take the night shifts

 

**snow:** oooooo how about we get phillip to help out? or aurora??? 

 

**snow:** weren’t you 3 like a team or something??? 

 

**snow:** i was just talking to her earlier, she said that you guys havent had time to catch up since you moved to storybrooke, so this could give you guys that time!!!!

 

**warrior123:** oh no, that won’t be necessary

 

**warrior123:** besides, i heard phillip was working with eric and ariel and i wouldn’t want to keep aurora from her son

 

**davidcharming:** nonsense, phillip’s always looking for an extra job and like snow said, aurora has been looking to catch up

 

**warrior123:** really, it’s not necessary i’ll just ask leroy or one of the other elves to help out 

 

**snow:** leroy’s gonna end up falling asleep during his shift tho :////////////

 

**warrior123:** then i’ll throw a bucket of iced water on him to wake him up or something

 

**davidcharming:** hmmm love leroy but let’s be real, he’s always the one getting taken into the station lol

 

**davidcharming:** especially on saturday nights

 

**davidcharming:** so yeah….

 

**warrior123:** then i’ll find someone else

 

**redruby:** dorothy and i can help if you want mulan

 

**dorothy:** yeah, we’ll be happy to help

 

**warrior123:** thank you!!!!!

 

**warrior123:** really

 

**redruby:** of course, we got you

 

**zelena:** well that was a strange interaction...

 

**zelena:** too bad im too busy packing to care

 

**davidcharming:** ok so we’re all set then???

 

**henrymills:** yup!!!! operation get my moms to realize their madly in love with each other by using this trip as an excuse to do so that way we can all finally move on with our lives is on the GO!!!!!

 

**henrymills:** or for short:

 

**henrymills:** operation mongoose part 3!!!

 

**redruby:** i think you mean operation mongoose part 12838

 

**henrymills:** tru

 

**warrior123:** wait, wait, wait……

 

**warrior123:** you guys have an entire group chat dedicated to the love life of somebody else???

 

**snow:** …..

 

**snow:** well when you say it like THAT you make it sound like we’re being weird

 

**davidcharming:** yeah, don’t all parents have group chats dedicated to their children’s dating lives????

 

**warrior123:** no but then again you two are the only ones who have a child old enough to date around here

 

**snow:** tru, ashley, ariel, aurora, and belle all have lil babies 

 

**snow:** meanwhile our daughter is the same age as me…..

 

**snow:** huh

 

**snow:** weird

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_reginamills_ ** _ has created the chat  _ **_hey_ **

 

**_reginamills_ ** _ has added  _ **_emmaswan_ ** _ to  _ **_hey_ **

 

**reginamills:** hey

 

**emmaswan:** hey

 

**emmaswan:** what’s up?

 

**reginamills:** i know we’ve already agreed to do this earlier but

 

**reginamills:** it’s just you and i here

 

**reginamills:** you can be honest

 

**emmaswan:** ok

 

**emmaswan:** wait honest about what????????????

 

**reginamills:** about this whole you and i pretending to be a couple just so we could get a cheaper room for this cruise that everyone seems to want to go to

 

**emmaswan:** oh

 

**emmaswan:** what about that?

 

**reginamills:** i just want to know if you’re comfortable with that idea after what happened with… you know

 

**emmaswan:** yeah i know

 

**emmaswan:** i don’t mind

 

**emmaswan:** why, do you?

 

**reginamills:** no

 

**reginamills:** i just wanted to make sure 

 

**reginamills:** because if i’m correct, if we’re getting a “couple’s special” then i’m pretty sure that means there will only be one bed…

 

**emmaswan:** well 

 

**emmaswan:** im sure there’ll be one of those couches there that transform to beds

 

**emmaswan:** but just to avoid a ruckus, i still have that inflatable mattress from when i took henry camping

 

**emmaswan:** so i cud just pack that

 

**reginamills:** no offense emma but that inflatable mattress doesn’t look too comfortable

 

**reginamills:** i mean i don’t mind sharing a bed

 

**reginamills:** we’re both adults

 

**emmaswan:** oh no, it’s just im a sleep kicker…

 

**emmaswan:** i don’t want to end up kicking you off them bed in my sleep

 

**emmaswan:** i’d rather just bring my inflatable mattress :)

 

**reginamills:** oh okay

 

**reginamills:** if that’s what you would prefer

 

**reginamills:** then by all means

 

**emmaswan:** lol i read that in ur voice

 

**emmaswan:** even via text i can hear it

 

**reginamills:** and i can hear you munching on a bear claw all the way from my house

 

**emmaswan:** ….how did you know

 

**reginamills:** well, i have my ways

 

**emmaswan:** hmm you probably used the hall mirror to see

 

**reginamills:** how else

 

**emmaswan:** lol that being-to-be-able-to-see-what-others-are-doing-via-mirrors thing is so weird

 

**emmaswan:** like what if one day you decide to check up on how we’re doing via mirror and you see idk my dad on the toilet or something

 

**reginamills:** and that’s my cue to end the conversation

 

**reginamills:** good night emma

 

**emmaswan:** loooooooool

 

**emmaswan:** good night regina

 

**.**

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lowkey might pull all those fic trope....
> 
> I apologize for the late update,,, I'm graduating high school in a few days and I'm just so lost lol but anyways I hope you guys enjoy this chapter- thank you so much for all the love!!!!
> 
> (question: did you guys interpret mulan as a lesbian or bi i never knew tbh)


	17. Family Vacation: Zelena and the Needle

**_family <3_ **

 

**henrymills:** hold hands

 

**emmaswan:** what

 

**henrymills:** we’re about to board the trolley that’s going to take us to the entrance

 

**henrymills:** meaning we’re about to pass the people who will take our tickets to board

 

**henrymills:** meaning they’re going to read ‘couples’ special’ on your ticket

 

**henrymills:** meaning if they don’t see two pairs of couples they’re going to be onto us and kick us off the ship

 

**henrymills:** so you two should hold hands

 

**henrymills:** you know, to sell it

 

**snow:** david and i are holding hands!

 

**henrymills:** see, now it’s your turn mothers….

 

**reginamills:** oh, don’t be ridiculous dear

 

**reginamills:** i’m sure they’re not going to be cautiously checking every single couple boarding this ship…

 

**zelena:** yeah they will

 

**emmaswan:** oh really?

 

**emmaswan:** and what makes you so sure of that?

 

**zelena:** because i just am savior, damn

 

**zelena:** we haven’t even boarded the ship and i’m already ready to throw her overboard

 

**emmaswan:** i ??? literally ??? just ??? asked ??? a ??? simple ??? q u e s t i o n ???

 

**zelena:** one too many

 

**reginamills:** so you can take the time to type that out with spaces and everything

 

**reginamills:** but you can’t take the time to turn in your paperwork on time ms swan???

 

**emmaswan:** hey!!! 

 

**emmaswan:** i thot we resolved that…

 

**emmaswan:** d a y s   a g o

 

**reginamills:** apparently you can’t take the time to spell words correctly either

 

**davidcharming:** aw, look at them already arguing like an old married couple

 

**henrymills:** good start moms, now all y’all gotta do is  A C T it out in real life

 

**henrymills:** so what i’m tryna say here is

 

**henrymills:** y’all should hold hands

 

**emmaswan:** y’all???

 

**emmaswan:** wow henry, we’ve been in texas for a few hours and youre already sounding like a yeehaw

 

**henrymills:** what’s wrong with ‘y’all’

 

**emmaswan:** it sounds grammarly dumb

 

**reginamills:** oh, so now you care about grammar

 

**emmaswan:** i mean, if we’re gonna b married for the next couple of dayz, i suppose i shud, right????

 

**reginamills:** i can’t tell if you’re being serious or sarcastic at this point

 

**emmaswan:** g u e s s 

 

**reginamills:** no

 

**reginamills:** pay attention, that way we don’t miss our exit

 

**reginamills:** and stop using spaces

 

**emmaswan:** but it’s so quiet and boring in this trolley

 

**emmaswan:** and s p a c e s make things more  f u n

 

**reginamills:** you are a child

 

**emmaswan:** i can see you smiling tho

 

**emmaswan:** so i guess that means im a loveable child???

 

**reginamills:** debatable

 

**henrymills:** aw, now you’re both smiling

 

**snow:** that’s the spirit!!!

 

**henrymills:** now hold hands to make this relationship more believable

 

**snow:** yes!!!!

 

**snow:** pls do

 

**snow:** holding hands can be very soft and warm :’)

 

**emmaswan:** and  s w e a t y

 

**reginamills:** well, aren’t you romantic???

 

**emmaswan:** oh

 

**emmaswan:** did you want to hold hands?

 

**reginamills:** hmmm

 

**reginamills:** i suppose we should when we get off the trolley

 

**reginamills:** and begin to board the ship

 

**reginamills:** since we’re supposed to be a couple

 

**zelena:** (a couple of idiots)

 

**zelena:** OW!

 

**zelena:** regina your fake wife just kicked me in the shins!!!

 

**zelena:** see, i was abt to scream that

 

**zelena:** but then that would’ve blown our cover so i didn’t…

 

**zelena:** so yeah, regina tell your fake wife that i will fry her ass when we get back to storybrooke if she even thinks abt laying a nasty finger on me again

 

**emmaswan:** i did no such  t h i n g 

 

**reginamills:** yeah, I don’t recall seeing emma do such a thing either, zelena?

 

**zelena:** WHAT

 

**emmaswan:** :DDD

 

**zelena:** oh i see what’s going on here sis

 

**zelena:** you two have only been married for a few minutes and you’re already teaming up against me

 

**snow:** omg how romantic

 

**zelena:** no!

 

**zelena:** it’s offensive!!!

 

**snow:** to who

 

**zelena:** to ME

 

**zelena:** i mean they’ve only been married for…

 

**zelena:** what time did we board this trolley????

 

**davidcharming:** like 7 minutes ago

 

**zelena:** they’ve only been married for 7 minutes and my lil sis has already turned her back on me!!!

 

**zelena:** i’m heartbroken!

 

**reginamills:** you do realize we’re not actually married, right?

 

**emmaswan:** yeah and wasn’t this YOUR plan????

 

**zelena:** …..i gotta say

 

**zelena:** didn’t expect that one to come bite me back in the bum…

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_# LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS_ **

 

**snow:** hi everyone!!!

 

**snow:** just here to announce that we have safely boarded the ship!!!

 

**beautybelle:** omg that’s great snow!!! 

 

**beautybelle:** how is everyone??

 

**redruby:** i believe what belle meant to ask was:

 

**redruby:** how’s the plan going w regina and emma???

 

**snow:** oh, so my best friend doesn’t want to know how i’m doing???

 

**snow:** (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

 

**zelena:** if we wanted to know how you were doing snow, we would’ve made a bloody group chat for that

 

**zelena:** but we didn’t so shush!

 

**snow:** ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ

 

**henrymills:** so far, they’re decent imo….

 

**henrymills:** i mean they held hands when we got off the trolley but they refused to do so in the trolley when we asked them…

 

**henrymills:** cowards

 

**zelena:** THEY’RE BLOODY ANNOYING TOGETHER THAT’S HOW THEY ARE

 

**zelena:** they kept ganging up against me!!!

 

**redruby:** lol this was your plan, wasn’t it?

 

**zelena:** well toto, i didn’t expect them to start ganging up on me!!!

 

**zelena:** but hm at least if they’re annoying together then they can stop being annoying individually

 

**warrior123:** that’s the spirit

 

**snow:** omg hey mulan !!!

 

**snow:** how’s it going!!

 

**davidcharming:** everything good at the station??

 

**warrior123:** yeah, boring actually…

 

**warrior123:** does destruction and chaos only happen when you all are in town or what? Because everything’s been quiet since you guys left?

 

**zelena:** probably cus there’s no annoying savior in town to behead

 

**snow:** uhm excuse you, that “annoying” savior is my daughter!!!

 

**dorothy:** and if your plan works, your future sister-in-law

 

**zelena:** ugh i know don’t remind me of my little sister’s terrible taste in people!!!

 

**snow:** aww :’))))

 

**zelena:** eww 

 

**redruby:** what happened

 

**snow:** emma, regina, and henry all took a family pic with the ocean as the background

 

**snow:** and then one of the bell hoppers told them they were a beautiful family

 

**davidcharming:** and our little girl started blushing!!!

 

**snow:** it was soooo adorable!!! (◕‿◕✿) 

 

**zelena:** it was disgusting!

 

**beautybelle:** again, this was YOUR plan???

 

**zelena:** i know bookworm

 

**zelena:** still disgusting

 

**rumple:** you’re one to talk about disgusting

 

**zelena:** yes because i have first-hand experience with it after meeting you

 

**rumple:** is that why you were so desperate for my approval back then??

 

**zelena:** i know it’s been a LOOOOOOOOONG time since you’ve been young rumple, so you probably have trouble remembering, but a lot of us tend to make silly mistakes when we were young

 

**zelena:** which is really not that long ago for me because i’m still as young as ever!

 

**rumple:** i have no shame in my age, it has made me wiser

 

**rumple:** unfortunately, i can’t say the same about you

 

**zelena:** DON’T YOU HAVE A TOWN TO BE WATCHING???

 

**Zelena:** get out of this conversation!!

 

**rumple:** well, it’s like mulan said

 

**rumple:** not much going on here

 

**rumple:** probably because you and your chaotic family are out of town

 

**snow:** HEY!!!!

 

**snow:** we are NOT chaotic!!!

 

**snow:** ಠ╭╮ಠ ಠ╭╮ಠ ಠ╭╮ಠ

 

**rumple:** yes you are

 

**rumple:** anyways due to the peacefulness of this fine evening, i will be taking my lovely wife out for the night

 

**rumple:** so please refrain from blowing up our phones

 

**snow:** awww

 

**snow:** ok!!!

 

**snow:** i mean no promises but you two kids have fun!!!

 

**beautybelle:** thanks snow :)))

 

**snow:** <3 <3 <3

 

**dorothy:** i mean they do realize they could just mute their phones, right?

 

**redruby:** belle is too kind to mute us

 

**dorothy:** oh you’re right..

 

**zelena:** UGH THESE BELL HOPPERS ARE SO BLOODY USELESS

 

**zelena:** THEYRE MAKING ME CARRY MY OWN LUGGAGE

 

**henrymills:** i mean, you did back four bags…..

 

**zelena:** i need these bags..

 

**zelena:** now stop criticizing your aunty henry and help me make the savior carry my bloody bags!!!

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**snow:** omggggg

 

**snow:** our room is so pretty!!!

 

**snow:** _ [ file. jpg3 ] _

 

**snow:** look there’s flower petals!!

 

**emmaswan:** UHHH WHY ARE THE FLOWER PETALS SHAPED LIKE A HEART ON THE BED???

 

**zelena:** because it’s a couple’s suite idiot

 

**emmaswan:** isn’t it a little too much :///

 

**emmaswan:** i mean what if we were a couple going through a divorce????

 

**zelena:** then why would you be on a cruise with them in the first place???

 

**emmaswan:** uhhh because the trip is already paid for???

 

**emmaswan:** D U H

 

**henrymills:** wow

 

**henrymills:** didn’t know flower petals bothered you that much ma?

 

**emmaswan:** i mean they don’t 

 

**emmaswan:** doesn’t it just feel like a little too much tho?

 

**reginamills:** i think they’re lovely

 

**snow:** yes!!!

 

**davidcharming:** don’t be so uptight sweetie and try to relax!!

 

**emmaswan:** i AM relaxed???

 

**emmaswan:** i guess i just don’t like flower petals on places that are meant to be for sleeping

 

**reginamills:** oh, well i suppose you shouldn’t worry about that dear

 

**reginamills:** didn’t you bring your inflatable mattress with you???

 

**emmaswan:** oh yeah

 

**zelena:** i’m sorry

 

**zelena:** you brought your WHAT now????

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_# LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS_ **

 

**henrymills:** _ [ S C R E E N  S H O T ] _

 

**henrymills:** headaches!!!

 

**henrymills:** they give me headaches!!!

 

**redruby:** omg…

 

**dorothy:** lmaooo

 

**zelena:** i told you they’re bloody annoying!!

 

**zelena:** such cowards

 

**zelena:** can’t even sleep on the same bed without panicking

 

**snow:** she got her balls from her daddy not from me

 

**davidcharming:** i-

 

**henrymills:** LOOOOOL

 

**redruby:** LMAOOOOO

 

**snow:** OMG!!!!

 

**snow:** THAT CAME OUT WRONG!!!

 

**snow:** (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

 

**snow:** WHAT I MEANT TO SAY IS THAT SHE DIDNT COME OUT AS BRAVE AS HER MOTHER AKA ME!!!

 

**zelena:** well at least she got her mother’s brains

 

**snow:** >:(((((

 

**davidcharming:** so what now

 

**henrymills:** idk

 

**henrymills:** wasn’t planning on her bringing the inflatable mattress :////

 

**zelena:** like i said

 

**zelena:** COWARDS

 

**redruby:** true

 

**zelena:** …..i’m gonna pop it

 

**snow:** OMG NO!!!

 

**redruby:** YES

 

**snow:** IT WAS EXPENSIVE

 

**redruby:** who cares regina’s rich

 

**snow:** BUT EMMA ISNT

 

**henrymills:** mom will probably just buy her another one lbr

 

**redruby:** TRUE

 

**zelena:** EXACTLY

 

**zelena:** look at toto and i agreeing, that’s how you know this is a good plan

 

**snow:** ://///////

 

**zelena:** ima do it

 

**snow:** don’t u dare!!!

 

**redruby:** do it!!!!!

 

**zelena:** ima do it!!!

 

**snow:** it’s such a pretty mattress tho

 

**snow:** (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

 

**zelena:** well it’s about to be a pretty popped mattress

 

**henrymills:** oh she’s walking out the room

 

**snow:** NOOOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL AIR MATTRESS

 

**davidcharming:** oh would you look at that, snow’s running out the room too

 

**redruby:** DONT JUST STAND THERE DAVID

 

**redruby:** STOP HER!!!

 

**dorothy:** ok babe i think you’re getting a little too invested in this…

 

**warrior123:** you think?

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**emmaswan:** ZELENA!!!!

 

**zelena:** can’t talk now savior, i’m on my way to the spa x

 

**emmaswan:** i’m gonna kill her

 

**snow:** NO I AM!!!

 

**snow:** (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง (ง'̀-'́)ง

 

**reginamills:** nobody’s going to kill zelena!

 

**zelena:** THANK YOU SIS

 

**zelena:** glad to know somebody still has my back after an honest mistake :(

 

**reginamills:** because i’m going to be the one to kill her!

 

**henrymills:** and i OOP-

 

**emmaswan:** HA

 

**zelena:** YOU KNOW WHAT

 

**zelena:** I DID NOT PUT SO MUCH TIME AND EFFORT INTO PLANNING THIS TRIP FOR ALL OF US ONLY TO GET BULLIED IN RETURN

 

**henrymills:** ….what happened?

 

**zelena:** your angry mommies and crazy grandmother want to crucify your aunty zelena for committing a mistake :(((

 

**emmaswan:** YOU ?? LITERALLY?? WALKED INTO OUR ROOM??? WITH A NEEDLE??? AND POPPED MY AIR MATTRESS???

 

**snow:** OUR* VERY BEAUTIFUL AND EXPENSIVE AIR MATTRESS!!!

 

**reginamills:** zelena, i thought we were here to relax not to watch any of your childish pranks?

 

**zelena:** IT WAS A MISTAKE !!!!

 

**reginamills:** sure

 

**zelena:** anyways i don’t understand why you’re so upset sis

 

**zelena:** it’s not like it was your mattress

 

**reginamills:** well

 

**reginamills:** it’s like snow said

 

**reginamills:** it was a beautiful mattress

 

**snow:** AND EXPENSIVE 

 

**snow:** (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

 

**reginamills:** actually, i don’t think 70 bucks is really that expensive

 

**snow:** for a teacher in a small town it is >:(

 

**zelena:** LOOK IF IT’LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER I’LL FIX IT WITH A SNAP OF MY FINGERS WHEN WE GET BACK TO STORYBROOKE

 

**snow:** you better

 

**snow:** ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ

 

**emmaswan:** okay but the thing is that i need it  N O W

 

**emmaswan:** where else am i supposed to sleep????

 

**zelena:** ummmmmmm….

 

**zelena:** doesn’t your room have a queen size bed???

 

**snow:** yeah!

 

**snow:** why don’t you just share the bed with regina, sweetie!

 

**snow:** i’m sure it’s big enough for the both of you!

 

**emmaswan:** oh

 

**emmaswan:** i mean that wasn’t the plan initially….

 

**emmaswan:** THANK YOU VERY MUCH ZELENA

 

**zelena:** you’re welcome savior x 

 

**emmaswan:** I WAS BEING SARCASTIC

 

**reginamills:** i suppose sharing a bed is your best option

 

**emmaswan:** i mean, i could always sleep on the floor?

 

**henrymills:** i-

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_# LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS_ **

 

**zelena:** snow. charming.

 

**zelena:** your daughter is annoying me

 

**zelena:** and a coward!!!!

 

**snow:** sigh :///////////////

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**reginamills:** nonsense!

 

**reginamills:** like snow said, the beds here are big enough for two people

 

**snow:** yup :D

 

**reginamills:** besides, i don’t mind sharing

 

**reginamills:** not to mention that the floor here doesn’t look like the most comfortable of places

 

**emmaswan:** well, i guess it would suck to get a back ache while on vacation…

 

**zelena:** SO IT’S SETTLED THEN???

 

**zelena:** emma won’t be sleeping on the floor like a pathetic puppy???

 

**emmaswan:** ….

 

**emmaswan:** if it’s cool with regina then it’s cool with me

 

**reginamills:** i have no problem sharing a bed with you, emma.

 

**emmaswan:** ok!!

 

**zelena:** YAY!

 

**snow:** glad that’s settled!

 

**zelena:** so no more killing zelena, right?

 

**emmaswan:** no

 

**emmaswan:** you better hope i don’t run into you today or else you’re going swimming with the sharks

 

**zelena:** tsk tsk how nasty

 

**zelena:** i guess that’s my cue to request extra security at the spa salon

 

**zelena:** i’m gonna tell them to protect me from a troll-looking woman with corn-like hair!

 

**reginamills:** and emma just stormed out the room cursing zelena’s name

 

**reginamills:** i suppose that’s my cue to follow her and make sure she doesn’t murder my sister

 

**zelena:** aw :’) 

 

**zelena:** i knew you cared

 

**reginamills:** whatever

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_# LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS_ **

 

**zelena:** MATTRESS POPPED CHECK!

 

**snow:** ಠ_ಥ

 

**zelena:** CONVINCING THEM TO SHARE A BED CHECK!

 

**henrymills:** keeping ma from throwing aunty zelena overboard for today

 

**zelena:** CHECK!

 

**redruby:** damn henry, y’all should’ve let her :////

 

**henrymills:** lol don’t say ‘y’all’ in front of her or else she’ll call you a yeehaw 

 

**redruby:** ???

 

**redruby:** what’s wrong with ‘y’all’ ???

 

**henrymills:** E X A C T L Y

 

**zelena:** ew henry don’t mimic your mother’s typing habits

 

**henrymills:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

**zelena:** anyways, we worked well today

 

**zelena:** and by ‘we’ i mean ME

 

**davidcharming:** so what’s your next move?

 

**zelena:** sit back and relax, trust me there’s no way they’ll be able to resist not talking about their feelings while lying that close to one another

 

**dorothy:** unless if they fall asleep

 

**redruby:** true, heard it’s easy to fall asleep when you have an entire ocean rocking you to sleep

 

**zelena:** …...

 

**snow:** and i OOP-

 

**henrymills:** grandma pls stop stealing my memes

 

**snow:** but they’re funny :((((

 

**zelena:** IF ALL THOSE TWO IDIOTS DO I SLEEP AFTER I RISKED MY LIFE TO GET THEM TO SHARE THAT BLOODY BED…

 

**zelena:** then i’m REALLY going to end up throwing both of them overboard

 

**.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rumple: please refrain from blowing up our phones  
> the group: *blows up rumbelle's phones*
> 
> ... anyways I graduated!! So that happened lol. Thank you all for reading and all the support! Hope y'all enjoyed!


	18. Family Vacation: A Day at the Pool

**_family <3_ **

 

**emmaswan:** uhhh

 

**emmaswan:** ???

 

**davidcharming:** what’s wrong ???

 

**emmaswan:** i thot we were all going to meet at the pool rn what happened???

 

**reginamills:** don’t tell me you all overslept???

 

**reginamills:** zelena if you kept my son up past his curfew….

 

**davidcharming:** pool???

 

**emmaswan:** YES POOL

 

**emmaswan:** yesterday during dinner i asked “SO WHATS THE PLAN FOR TOMORROW???”

 

**emmaswan:** and then zelena was like “OH WE WERE THINKING ABT SPENDING THE AFTERNOON AT THE POOL”

 

**emmaswan:** and then mom was like “OMG YES THAT SOUNDS LIKE SO MUCH FUN!!!!!!!!”

 

**emmaswan:** and then you were like “SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN THEN”

 

**emmaswan:** and then i said “COOL”

 

**reginamills:** I got a headache reading all of that…

 

**emmaswan:** sorry ://////

 

**davidcharming:** oh

 

**davidcharming:** is that what happened???

 

**davidcharming:** i could have sworn that zelena had said “let’s spend the day at the casino!”

 

**davidcharming:** which is where we’re at now???

 

**reginamills:** I’m sorry, I must’ve misread…

 

**reginamills:** did you just say that you’re ALL at the casino???

 

**reginamills:** including our very underage son???

 

**emmaswan:** i mean he’s pretty old compared to the first time i ever snuck into a casino

 

**reginamills:** ….

 

**emmaswan:** BUT YEAH STILL TOO YOUNG KID

 

**davidcharming:** oh no

 

**davidcharming:** henry’s not here 

 

**davidcharming:** neither is zelena, actually 

 

**davidcharming:** it’s just snow and i 

 

**davidcharming:** she’s currently playing poker against a big muscley guy

 

**emmaswan:** what the-

 

**emmaswan:** well considering she played beer pong with belle once, that doesn’t necessarily surprise me

 

**reginamills:** tell her not to be an idiot and lose all of her money playing those dumb games

 

**snow:** IM GONNA CRUSH THIS SUCKER!!!

 

**emmaswan:** eyes on the game mom

 

**emmaswan:** wait if you two are at a casino, then where’s neal?

 

**davidcharming:** we signed him and robyn up for a play-tour around the ship today

 

**davidcharming:** according to the app, it says that they and the other children are currently in the theater watching finding dory

 

**reginamills:** so where the hell are zelena and henry then???

 

**zelena:** can you idiots not blow up my phone, you’re making it very difficult to focus x 

 

**emmaswan:** you’re one to talk…

 

**reginamills:** focus on what? 

 

**reginamills:** zelena, where are you ? I thought we agreed to meet up at the pool today!

 

**zelena:** oh right

 

**zelena:** see the thing is henry and i were on our way there

 

**zelena:** but then we passed by a sign that said they had a special for mini golf on the top deck

 

**zelena:** and you know me sis, i have a thing for specials

 

**zelena:** we couldn’t resist 

 

**zelena:** so im afraid you will be hanging out with the charmings today

 

**emmaswan:** they’re at the casino rn…

 

**zelena:** oh 

 

**zelena:** seems like you’ll be spending your day with the savior then sis :(

 

 **zelena:** im sorry you’ll have to go through that alone :(((

 

**emmaswan:** regina might have been able to stop me from throwing you overboard yesterday 

 

**emmaswan:** but i can always try again today >:(

 

**zelena:** boo boo you and your empty threats don’t scare me 

 

**zelena:** BLOODY HELL HENRY JUST MADE HIS LIL BALL IN THE HOLE IN ONE SHOT

 

**zelena:** BRB LADIES I HAVE A 16 YEAR OLD TO BEAT

 

**davidcharming:** yeah and i think it’s about time i pull your mother away from this game before she and that big muscly guy start a fist fight

 

**davidcharming:** so brb too

 

**emmaswan:** i-

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_# LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS_ **

 

**zelena:** _ [ S C R E E N  S H O T ] _

 

**zelena:** AM I A GOOD LIAR

 

**zelena:** OR AM I A GOOD LIAR???

 

**beautybelle:** ...i don’t know how you would want me to respond to that???

 

**davidcharming:** wait so you two aren’t mini golfing rn?

 

**henrymills:** no lol

 

**henrymills:** aunty z just said that so my moms wouldn’t get suspicious abt what we’re rlly doing

 

**henrymills:** wait don’t tell me that you and grandma really went to a casino????

 

**davidcharming:** ….yes

 

**redruby:** WAIT YOU TOOK SNOW TO A CASINO???

 

**davidcharming:** …..yes?

 

**redruby:** welp good luck

 

**henrymills:** if grandma starts a fight there pls record, it’s for science 

 

**redruby:** i second that.

 

**davidcharming:** wow

 

**davidcharming:** wait, if you two aren’t really mini golfing then what are you up to ???

 

**zelena:** uhhh spying on emma and regina what else would we be doing???

 

**henrymills:** duh

 

**beautybelle:** I’m pretty sure it won’t take long before either one of them catches you two

 

**redruby:** tru, an old wrinkly bat and a teenager hanging out at the pool???

 

**redruby:** it’s hard to not notice that

 

**zelena:** first of all, fuck you toto~ when you’re my age, you’ll be WISHING to look as beautiful as me x

 

**zelena:** secondly, they’ll never notice, we’re in disguise!

 

**henrymills:** im wearing a moustache

 

**zelena:** and im wearing a blonde wig and sunglasses 

 

**zelena:** so if regina does notice me

 

**zelena:** she’ll think that this hideous ball of corn on my head reminds her of emma’s hair

 

**zelena:** and then go back to staring at the REAL blonde-haired troll 

 

**davidcharming:** henry, im pretty sure regina and emma will notice you in that fake moustache…

 

**davidcharming:** esp since you know, you bought it right in front of them from the gift shop before we boarded the ship???

 

**henrymills:** …. i guess i could always hide behind one of aunty z’s magazines if they do ever look in our direction…

 

**beautybelle:** why are you two even spying on them, anyways?

 

**beautybelle:** why not let them have fun at the pool on their own??

 

**zelena:** ….why would we do that when this so much more fun???

 

**henrymills:** tru 

 

**henrymills:** plus we’re also here to ‘accidentally’ create romantic scenarios between them 

 

**zelena:** for instance, im abt to pay a waiter here to deliver them a smoothie in one cup with TWO straws 

 

**zelena:** that way they can gaze into each other’s eyes and think abt the many things that they love abt each other 

 

**zelena:** which in regina’s case, i still don’t know what she sees in that troll looking savior but whatever 

 

**zelena:** i guess it wouldn’t make sense if both sisters had excellent taste x

 

**beautybelle:** didn’t you date hades for a while???

 

**redruby:** YIKES I THINK SHE DID

 

**zelena** : ANYWAYS AS I WAS SAYING IM GOING TO GIVE THEM A CUP OF SMOOTHIE WITH TWO STRAWS

 

**zelena** : i mean idk if that really works but i see it done on tv all the time so i figured it’s worth a shot 

 

**zelena:** you have to set the mood somehow you know 

 

**redruby:** wait so you’re willing to spend our own money just to get emma and regina together???

 

**davidcharming:** aw, zelena

 

**davidcharming:** snow said she’s touched

 

**davidcharming:** right before she started slamming the slot machine …

 

**davidcharming:** brb

 

**zelena:** ugh i know dont remind me 

 

**zelena:** but desperate times call for desperate measures 

 

**henrymills:** OOO AUNTY Z THE WAITER IS COMING

 

**zelena:** oh brb time to go meddle in my sister’s love life

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**zelena:** OKAY SO THE SMOOTHIE HAS BEEN DELIVERED 

 

**davidcharming:** ok?

 

**redruby:** did ur plan work?

 

**zelena:** oh idk they just delivered it

 

**zelena:** told the waiter to tell them it’s included in the couple’s special or whatever 

 

**henrymills:** oh they’re looking around 

 

**zelena** : QUICK HENRY TAKE COVER

 

**henrymills:** you do know im right next to you, right???

 

**henrymills:** you didn’t have to text it???

 

**zelena:** oopsie x

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**davidcharming:** ok so a security guard approached us and told us that if we (snow) didn’t stop yelling at the machines that they were going to kick us out

 

**snow:** APPARENTLY IT “DISRUPTS THE GUEST”

 

**snow:** like, EXCUSE ME SIR THE ONLY ONE DISRUPTING THE GUESTS IS YOU

 

**davidcharming:** how is he disrupting the guests?

 

**snow:** by disrupting ME aka a GUEST

 

**redruby:** omg….

 

**redruby:** what have you done with her???

 

**davidcharming:** she may or may not have had a couple margaritas 

 

**redruby:** omg david, next time y’all go on another family cruise b sure to invite me

 

**redruby:** i wanna get drunk off margaritas and yell at casino machines w snow 

 

**davidcharming:** …. as long as dorothy comes along, because there’s no way im going to be able to take care of the two of you together 

 

**davidcharming:** speaking of which, where is dorothy??

 

**redruby:** oh she’s working her shift at granny’s rn

 

**redruby:** apparently she actually listens to granny’s “no phones at work policy”

 

**davidcharming:** ah, i can see why she’s granny’s favorite employee now

 

**redruby:** yup

 

**zelena:** BLOODY HELL DAVID IM GOING TO END UP THROWING YOUR DAUGHTER OVERBOARD FORREAL

 

**davidcharming:** uh oh

 

**davidcharming:** what happened now

 

**henrymills:** she let mom have the smoothie herself bc apparently “she doesn’t like strawberry banana smoothies”

 

**redruby:** oh she’s a damn liar

 

**zelena:** C O W A R D

 

**zelena:** A LITERAL COWARD

 

**zelena:** IM HERE SUPPOSED TO BE RELAXING ON THIS VACATION BUT SHE STRESSES ME OUT

 

**beautybelle:** you do know that you willingly went out to spy on them

 

**zelena:** THE BOOKWORM IS RIGHT

 

**zelena:** I DID THIS TO MYSELF 

 

**zelena:** AND NOW I MUST SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES 

 

**henrymills:** ...so should we move to plan b then

 

**zelena:** yeah sounds good 

 

**davidcharming:** wow

 

**redruby:** what’s plan b?

 

**zelena:** theyre abt to get serenaded by a mariachi band 

 

**snow:** OMG I LOVE MARIACHIS 

 

**snow:** almost as much as i love this slot machine (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) 

 

**snow:** OH BRB IM ABT TO MAKE BWNK

 

**snow:** bwnk*

 

**snow:** bank*

 

**redruby:** oh what i would give to be there rn

 

**beautybelle:** with snow or with zelena and henry?

 

**redruby:** yes.

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**emmaswan:** mom, dad you two are missing out 

 

**emmaswan:** if you guys would’ve came to the pool with us you would’ve gotten a free smoothie AND a mariachi group serenading you

 

**emmaswan:** mom??? dad???

 

**henrymills:** think grandpa’s trying to keep grandma from starting a fight with the security guard at the casino or sumn

 

**emmaswan:** oh

 

**reginamills:** hey, I think I know this song?

 

**emmaswan:** :0

 

**emmaswan:** you do?

 

**reginamills:** yeah, they used to play it all the time on the Spanish radio years ago

 

**henrymills:** ooo which song is it mom, maybe i know it?

 

**reginamills:** I believe it’s called ‘Amarte a la Antigua’

 

**henrymills:** hmmm yeah that does sound familiar 

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_# LET’S GET DOWN TO BUISNESS_ **

 

**zelena:** YESSSS

 

**redruby:** wha-

 

**zelena:** HENRY AND I ARE LITERALLY GENIUSES

 

**zelena:** WE’RE THE SMARTEST DUO IN THIS FAMILY

 

**henrymills:** she’s right omg

 

**henrymills:** our minds >>>>

 

**redruby:** now before i disagree, what-

 

**zelena:** THE SMOOTHIE IDEA MAY HAVE FAILED BUT THE MARIACHI ONE IS PURE GENIUSNESS

 

**beautybelle:** how so?

 

**henrymills:** ok so apparently the song tHe mariachi group is serenading them with is a song mom knows 

 

**henrymills:** so

 

**zelena:** SO REGINA STARTED SINGING ALONG WITH THE MARIACHI MAN AKA IT’S BASICALLY LIKE SHE’S SERENADING EMMA, RIGHT????

 

**henrymills:** -what she said

 

**henrymills:** omg ma’s turning red!!!

 

**redruby:** how can you tell?? aren’t you supposed to put some distance between y’all so they won’t catch you two???

 

**henrymills:** i have binoculars 

 

**henrymills:** which btw, i also purchased from that gift shop

 

**henrymills:** i knew they’d come in handy

 

**zelena:** THIS PLAN COULD NOT HAVE WORKED OUT BETTER LBR

 

**zelena:** REGINA SERENADING A FLUSTERED EMMA

 

**redruby:** omg that’s c*te

 

**beautybelle:** yay, well done!!

 

**zelena:** ….THAT’S IT???

 

**zelena:** all my hard work and THAT’S the only praise i get???

 

**henrymills:** your?

 

**zelena:** our

 

**zelena:** i said our

 

**zelena:** but wow

 

**zelena:** can’t believe im abt to say this but i wish snow were here

 

**zelena:** she would show more enthusiasm than you snoozers

 

**redruby:** eh i’ve had a long day 

 

**henrymills:** ….it’s noon?

 

**redruby:** exactly 

 

**beautybelle:** besides, I’m pretty sure Snow is most likely fighting a security guard at the casino

 

**beautybelle:** at least that’s the impression David left

 

**zelena:** YUSSSSSSSS

 

**redruby:** wow that was quick 

 

**redruby:** what happened now???

 

**zelena:** SO REGINA FINISHED THE SONG RIGHT

 

**zelena:** AND THEN SOMEONE AT THE POOL SHOUTED “KISS!”

 

**zelena:** AND NOW THE ENTIRE POOL IS CHANTING FOR THEM TO KISS

 

**henrymills:** that ‘someone’ was aunty zelena btw

 

**zelena:** GUILTY

 

**beautybelle:** omg that’s embarrassing though!!!

 

**zelena:** listen bookworm-

 

**henrymills:** oMG WAIT I THINK MOM IS LEANING IN????

 

**zelena:** AHHHHH OMG

 

**redruby:** WAIT REALLY

 

**beautybelle:** well, for some of us it is embarrassing 

 

**zelena:** YUSSSSS IT'S HAPPENING 

 

**zelena:** IT’S

 

**henrymills:** oh

 

**zelena:** BLOODY HELL THIS WOMAN

 

**beautybelle:** what happened 

 

**henrymills:** mom just pecked her on the cheek and then flicked everyone off for being nosy

 

**beautybelle:** as she should 

 

**redruby:** LMAOOOOO

 

**redruby:** i love regina

 

**beautybelle:** that was probably uncomfortable for them zelena, i can understand why she did that

 

**zelena:** yeah, yeah

 

**redruby:** tru they’re probably not ready for that yet

 

**redruby:** if it were me and dorothy tho,,, that would be another story

 

**beautybelle:** omg yes!! I remember when you two went to watch some game and completely owned that kiss cam

 

**redruby:** yup, we showed those suckers how it’s done

 

**henrymills:** hey, at least she kissed her cheek that’s something 

 

**zelena:** true, i’ll take this win

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**emmaswan:** omg did you guys kno regina can sing

 

**henrymills:** yuh

 

**zelena:** who doesn’t

 

**davidcharming:** yeah

 

**davidcharming:** snow just said that she used to love to listen to regina sing lullabies when she was a kid 

 

**davidcharming:** oh and now she’s crying 

 

**davidcharming:** and now she just dropped her head against the buttons of the machine

 

**davidcharming:** omg she just won $150 ??? BRB

 

**emmaswan:** well apparently everyone did but me

 

**reginamills:** oh you all exaggerate 

 

**reginamills:** I don't sing THAT well

 

**reginamills:** oh and david tell snow to keep banging her head against the buttons, let’s see if she makes us millionaires by the end of this trip

 

**henrymills:** yeah u do mom 

 

**emmaswan:** yeah, are you kidding? i luved your voice

 

**emmaswan:** it made my heart flutter and that rarely happens when i listen to ppl sing

 

**henrymills:** omg

 

**reginamills:** wow emma, I don’t know what to say~

 

**emmaswan:** you don’t have to say anything lol 

 

**emmaswan:** just accept it

 

**emmaswan:** bc wow my heart was rlly pounding and the only other time i can recall that happening was when i listened to lemonade by beyoncé 

 

**reginamills:** thank you, emma 

 

**reginamills:** really, that’s probably one of the best compliments I’ve ever received 

 

**zelena:** ugh GET A ROOM IM TRYING TO GOLf hERE

 

**reginamills:** and the moment is ruined 

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_# LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS_ **

 

**zelena:** _ [ S C R E E N  S H O T ] _

 

**zelena:** YUSSSS

 

**zelena:** it just KEEPS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER

 

**redruby:** omg beyoncé 

 

**redruby:** mood

 

**redruby:** also has emma maybe considered the reason her heart was pounding was not bc regina reminds her of beyoncé but bc she has romantic feelings towards regina

 

**henrymills:** lol yuh i was thinkin that 

 

**henrymills:** but then i was like nah if i tell her i’ll just send her into panic and ruin the moment

 

**redruby:** tru

 

**henrymills:** oh aunty z is crying and laughing now

 

**henrymills:** ppl r looking at her as if she’s lost it

 

**redruby:** i mean they’re not wrong

 

**zelena:** I’M SORRY IT’S JUST

 

**zelena:** THIS IS GOING SO WELL

 

**zelena:** I CAN TASTE MY FREEDOM FROM THESE 2 IN THE AIR 

 

**zelena:** SOON I WILL NO LONGER BE STRESSING OVER THEM

 

**beautybelle:** again, a reminder that you WILLINGLY stress over them

 

**zelena:** shut up bookworm can’t you see im having a MOMENT here!!!

 

**henrymills:** AND I OOP-

 

**redruby:** oop???

 

**henrymills:** WELL THINGS JUST TOOK A COMPLETE 360 TURN

 

**redruby:** wdym 

 

**zelena:** OH IM ABOUT TO LIGHT SOME GUY ON FIRE

 

**beautybelle:** at times like these, I find comfort in the reminder that you don’t have access to your magic in the real world

 

**davidcharming:** ok guys finally got snow to stop crying

 

**davidcharming:** wait, why is zelena abt to light someone on fire???

 

**davidcharming:** (same tho belle)

 

**henrymills:** uh idk i cant rlly hear what’s going on

 

**henrymills:** but some guy just went up to strike a conversation w/ ma

 

**henrymills:** idk what’s going on?

 

**zelena:** IM ABT TO BURN THAT GUYS SANDY ASS HAIR THAT’S WHAT’S ABT TO GO ON

 

**beautybelle:** so comforted, by the way!

 

**henrymills:** i think he’s talking to ma abt the flower tattoo on her wrist

 

**henrymills:** i think he’s a tattoo artist

 

**henrymills:** noooo :((((

 

**henrymills:** mom looks upset 

 

**redruby:** omg no get rid of him 

 

**zelena:** IM GONNA PUSH HIM IN THE POOL

 

**beautybelle:** zelena no-

 

**davidcharming:** won’t your cover be blown then???

 

**henrymills:** oh wud u look at that

 

**henrymills:** she’s stomping over there

 

**henrymills:** OMG I THINK SHE’S REALLY GONNA DO IT????

 

**beautybelle:** zelena no!

 

**redruby:** ZELENA YES

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**emmaswan:** wtf zelena????

 

**reginamills:** zelena, one, why are you wearing a blonde wig?

 

**reginamills:** two, why did you push that guy in the pool and then run off???

 

**reginamills:** I thought you and henry were mini golfing, where is he anyways?

 

**zelena:** it was an accident 

 

**emmaswan:** ???? 

 

**emmaswan:** you came up to his seat, grabbed him by the arm, and threw him in the pool???

 

**zelena:** yeah, an accident 

 

**zelena:** i meant to grab u and throw u in the pool

 

**emmaswan:** wtf why would you do that???

 

**zelena:** henry made me do it

 

**henrymills:** wow

 

**reginamills:** henry is that true??

 

**henrymills:** apparently 

 

**emmaswan:** what

 

**henrymills:** so basically we finished mini golfing (i won ofc) and then we decided to come join you two at the pool

 

**henrymills:** and otw there we started playing truth or dare

 

**henrymills:** and then i was like “i bet u wouldn’t dare throw ma into the pool cus you’re too scared of her”

 

**henrymills:** and aunty z was like “SCARED OF THAT TROLL LOOKING SAVIOR??? NEVER!” 

 

**henrymills:** and then she tried to throw u in but ended up throwing that random guy instead.

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_# LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS_ **

 

**henrymills:** [ _ S C R E E N  S H O T ] _

 

**henrymills:** aunty z i just stole ur crown as the best liar in this family 

 

**beautybelle:** that’s- not really something to be proud of henry :(

 

**redruby:** OMG DID SHE RLLY DO IT

 

**zelena:** HELL YEAH I DID

 

**zelena:** now if u excuse me im omw to hide before i get thrown overboard 

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_family <3_ **

 

**reginamills:** well he wasn’t a complete stranger 

 

**henrymills:** oh ?

 

**henrymills:** wdym???

 

 **emmaswan:** i mean he kinda was tho?

 

**reginamills:** you and him seem to become fast friends though 

 

**henrymills:** you DID???

 

**emmaswan:** i guess but we mostly talked abt tattoos and working out

 

**reginamills:** he invited her to go workout at the gym tomorrow 

 

**henrymills** : he DID???

 

**henrymills:** what did you say ma

 

**emmaswan:** oh i didn’t rlly have a chance to say anything before zelena threw him into the poll 

 

**zelena:** SEE

 

**zelena:** you should be thanking me, i saved you from having to go out with that triton looking guy 

 

**reginamills:** zelena 

 

**zelena:** what?! it’s not like she was going to say yes!

 

**reginamills:** that isn’t your choice to make

 

**zelena:** what??? am i just supposed to let emma make that choice on her own???

 

**zelena:** now what kind of a person would i be if i were to let a woman who has willingly dressed in her mother’s clothes, make decisions abt her dating life

 

**reginamills:** regardless of that, it’s still emma’s choice 

 

**emmaswan:** oh

 

**emmaswan:** idk rlly

 

**emmaswan:** i mean can’t rlly go out on a date when im on this cruise for a couple’s special…

 

**reginamills:** but if you wanted to go, then that would be ok

 

**henrymills:** it would???

 

**zelena:** IT WOULD???

 

**emmaswan:** oh

 

**emmaswan:** idk

 

**reginamills:** well, what do you think of him

 

**emmaswan:** idk he seems cool

 

**emmaswan:** probably someone i wudve gotten along with back in the day

 

**reginamills:** well, what if he were to ask you out again?

 

**reginamills:** would you say yes?

 

**emmaswan:** i don’t know

 

**reginamills:** well, he’s heading your way again

 

**reginamills:** I think he wants an answer 

 

**zelena:** i can always run back and throw him into the pool again if you want

 

**reginamills:** zelena, no

 

**reginamills:** this is Emma’s choice and her choice only

 

**zelena:** boo, you’re no fun sis

 

**emmaswan:** i-

 

**reginamills:** I get it if it’s uncomfortable to talk about with me being here

 

**reginamills:** I’ll let you two talk alone

 

**emmaswan:** regina wait

 

**reginamills:** I’m going to look for your parents, hopefully they haven’t burned down the casino yet 

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**_# LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS_ **

 

**henrymills:** _ [ S C R E E N  S H O T ] _

 

**henrymills:** well

 

**henrymills:** that happened 

 

**beautybelle:** omg no :(

 

**redruby:** ur moms r dumb kid

 

**redruby:** like rlly dumb

 

**henrymills:** tell me abt it

 

**beautybelle:** what did emma say?

 

**henrymills:** idk no response yet

 

**henrymills:** mom looked sad

 

**zelena:** regina’s an idiot

 

**zelena:** INSTEAD OF RAMBLING ABT “EMMA’S CHOICE BLAH BLAH” SHE SHOULDVE SWOOPED IN THERE AND CLAIMED HER TRUE LOVE

 

**redruby:** that’s… not they way it’s supposed to work tho

 

**redruby:** putting the happiness of a loved one first is how it does

 

**redruby:** something regina just did

 

**zelena:** showing the 1 u love that u love them is also the way it works 

 

**zelena:** she should’ve done that

 

**zelena:** if emma said yes istg i WILL drown her

 

**henrymills:** well, dinner tonight is going to be a blast isn’t it

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**.**

 

**snow:** oMG

 

**snow:** (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

 

**snow:** I JUST SCORED THREE CHERRIES

 

**snow:** WE R GOING TO BE RUCH

 

**snow:** RUCH

 

**snow:** RICH

 

**redruby:** ….maybe i might have snow pay for my wedding 

 

**snow:** OMG!!!

 

 **snow:** WTHEMMA IS GUING ON A DSRE??

 

**snow:** DAYE

 

**snow:** DATE????

 

**zelena:** can’t believe im abt to say this but

 

**zelena:** never disappear on me like that again snow

 

**.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's not what it seems....
> 
> Okay but yeah, I grew sick of hearing that song when I was like 10 lol. 
> 
> Anyways thank you for all the love, I hope y'all enjoy this update!

**Author's Note:**

> idk just a random idea i came up with ... should i continue?


End file.
